How do some 5 year olds get to be little turds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well here is the good news op. When you catch your child saying something mean to another- and you will- you can remind her of this incident and how she felt.

OP here. I know this is hard for some of you to believe. But some kids just don't think like that. My DD (and no she is not my first child) is far from perfect. She is sensitive and shy and and is reluctant to do things independently - all things we are working on - but it would just never occur to her to tease or be mean to another child. And I think that is why it was so hard for her to understand why another child would say something like that. This same little boy finishes all of his worksheets really quickly and announces to his tablemates "I'm finished. I win!" every day. Something is up with the way this kid is being parented. You will not convince me otherwise.

Of course we won't convince you, FTM of a girl. Have a second kid, a boy, and then report back.

Oh shut up you fool. My son is just like op's daughter. So is his best friend and he's the youngest of 5 children. We can guess what kind of personality your children have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well here is the good news op. When you catch your child saying something mean to another- and you will- you can remind her of this incident and how she felt.

OP here. I know this is hard for some of you to believe. But some kids just don't think like that. My DD (and no she is not my first child) is far from perfect. She is sensitive and shy and and is reluctant to do things independently - all things we are working on - but it would just never occur to her to tease or be mean to another child. And I think that is why it was so hard for her to understand why another child would say something like that. This same little boy finishes all of his worksheets really quickly and announces to his tablemates "I'm finished. I win!" every day. Something is up with the way this kid is being parented. You will not convince me otherwise.

Sure. And something is up with the way your daughter is being parented that she is so shy and behind her peers academically. It probably has something to do with the way you and your husband were parented. And the way your parents were parented. What are you going to do? Go back generations and blame parents and parents? Just work on you and stop looking to blame other people.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

Turdlets don't fall far from the turd tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

Turdlets don't fall far from the turd tree.

The boy is 5. He's learning, as is your DC. Neither child is perfect, they both have things to work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

Turdlets don't fall far from the turd tree.

LOL! You're funny op. I think your dd will be okay. Seems like she has a good mom. Hopefully she'll have a good sense of humor like you seem to have, that always helps when you're dealing with crazy people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

Turdlets don't fall far from the turd tree.

The boy is 5. He's learning, as is your DC. Neither child is perfect, they both have things to work on.

If you read the thread you'd see that op has acknowledged that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well here is the good news op. When you catch your child saying something mean to another- and you will- you can remind her of this incident and how she felt.

OP here. I know this is hard for some of you to believe. But some kids just don't think like that. My DD (and no she is not my first child) is far from perfect. She is sensitive and shy and and is reluctant to do things independently - all things we are working on - but it would just never occur to her to tease or be mean to another child. And I think that is why it was so hard for her to understand why another child would say something like that. This same little boy finishes all of his worksheets really quickly and announces to his tablemates "I'm finished. I win!" every day. Something is up with the way this kid is being parented. You will not convince me otherwise.

Of course we won't convince you, FTM of a girl. Have a second kid, a boy, and then report back.

Oh shut up you fool. My son is just like op's daughter. So is his best friend and he's the youngest of 5 children. We can guess what kind of personality your children have.

Nice. Do you teach your 5 kids to call people names?

And not that it matters, but I do have a DD who is just like OP's DD. And I'm sure I probably would've posted something similar when she was back in K. We now have #2 who is a boy and has a very different personality. He's not mean-spirited at all, but is enthusiastic and a little competitive so I could see him being excited to be the first done at a table (he's usually not FWIW).

It's not meant as a slam, OP, just adding some perspective because:
- these are very young children who are all at very different phases of development
- K can be very tough transition for some kids, especially enthusiastic boys
- kids are 75% nature, 25% nurture (IMO) - if you think I'm a terrible parent because my DS is sometimes rambunctious then I also must be the best parent on earth because my DD is amazing.
- I do also think that birth order and gender play a role too
- the mean girl thing can be way worse (heads up!)
- labeling the child and parents as bad ("turds") is pretty shitty -- focus on the behavior, not the person

OP is an adult and should be a little more understanding and thick-skinned. Her reaction will shape her DD"s reaction. Think about how you want your DD to react to similar (or worse) situations in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. I do now completely understand the answer to the title question of this post.

Care to share your insights?

Turdlets don't fall far from the turd tree.

The boy is 5. He's learning, as is your DC. Neither child is perfect, they both have things to work on.

If you read the thread you'd see that op has acknowledged that.

Sorry, no, I don't see that OP ever acknowledged that. She said the boy is a turd with bad parents.

[Anonymous]

wow you are overreacting OP. Put a monitor on your own kid for a day to hear what your DC might be saying through the day. Kids this age basically are repeating what they hear others saying and are also showing off for their friends.

Just reinforce to your own kid to not say things that hurt other people's feelings, ignore when other people say something ridiculous and mean when they are just trying to show off, and if you really want go in and talk with the teacher about advice/support for kind words in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is why you send your kids to preschool. Otherwise they will end up in kindergarten and not know how to spell and have poor social skills. Maybe you can spend some time working with her on both. There are other ways to deal with another child saying something you don't like besides tattling to your mom.

The majority of kids do go to pre-school but, they can also have learning disabilities that make reading ( dyslexia anyone?) or math disabilities that make school work very challenging. That does not mean they are not smart. It is cruel for kids to point this fact out even for five years old. But, we as parents need to step in and teach kids to mind their own business. Who cares if Timmy is in the lower math and Sarah is not reading chapter books? They might be amazing artists or play the piano.

I get it, op as my kids have been made fun of in school. However, in many cases ( not all) mean kids do turn into mean adults and I teach them to rise above mean comments. Doesn't mean it won't hurt but, if the bullies were so confident than they wouldn't put others down. I teach them that mean kids feel inferior at a deep level. Otherwise, if you are on top why would you make those comments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is why you send your kids to preschool. Otherwise they will end up in kindergarten and not know how to spell and have poor social skills. Maybe you can spend some time working with her on both. There are other ways to deal with another child saying something you don't like besides tattling to your mom.

The majority of kids do go to pre-school but, they can also have learning disabilities that make reading ( dyslexia anyone?) or math disabilities that make school work very challenging. That does not mean they are not smart. It is cruel for kids to point this fact out even for five years old. But, we as parents need to step in and teach kids to mind their own business. Who cares if Timmy is in the lower math and Sarah is not reading chapter books? They might be amazing artists or play the piano.

I get it, op as my kids have been made fun of in school. However, in many cases ( not all) mean kids do turn into mean adults and I teach them to rise above mean comments. Doesn't mean it won't hurt but, if the bullies were so confident than they wouldn't put others down. I teach them that mean kids feel inferior at a deep level. Otherwise, if you are on top why would you make those comments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is why you send your kids to preschool. Otherwise they will end up in kindergarten and not know how to spell and have poor social skills. Maybe you can spend some time working with her on both. There are other ways to deal with another child saying something you don't like besides tattling to your mom.

The majority of kids do go to pre-school but, they can also have learning disabilities that make reading ( dyslexia anyone?) or math disabilities that make school work very challenging. That does not mean they are not smart. It is cruel for kids to point this fact out even for five years old. But, we as parents need to step in and teach kids to mind their own business. Who cares if Timmy is in the lower math and Sarah is not reading chapter books? They might be amazing artists or play the piano.

I get it, op as my kids have been made fun of in school. However, in many cases ( not all) mean kids do turn into mean adults and I teach them to rise above mean comments. Doesn't mean it won't hurt but, if the bullies were so confident than they wouldn't put others down. I teach them that mean kids feel inferior at a deep level. Otherwise, if you are on top why would you make those comments?

Also, many preschools don't overtly teach academics - just pre-reading skills and pre-math skills. I would never assume most kids going to K already know how to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well here is the good news op. When you catch your child saying something mean to another- and you will- you can remind her of this incident and how she felt.

OP here. I know this is hard for some of you to believe. But some kids just don't think like that. My DD (and no she is not my first child) is far from perfect. She is sensitive and shy and and is reluctant to do things independently - all things we are working on - but it would just never occur to her to tease or be mean to another child. And I think that is why it was so hard for her to understand why another child would say something like that. This same little boy finishes all of his worksheets really quickly and announces to his tablemates "I'm finished. I win!" every day. Something is up with the way this kid is being parented. You will not convince me otherwise.

Of course we won't convince you, FTM of a girl. Have a second kid, a boy, and then report back.

Oh shut up you fool. My son is just like op's daughter. So is his best friend and he's the youngest of 5 children. We can guess what kind of personality your children have.

Nice. Do you teach your 5 kids to call people names?

And not that it matters, but I do have a DD who is just like OP's DD. And I'm sure I probably would've posted something similar when she was back in K. We now have #2 who is a boy and has a very different personality. He's not mean-spirited at all, but is enthusiastic and a little competitive so I could see him being excited to be the first done at a table (he's usually not FWIW).

It's not meant as a slam, OP, just adding some perspective because:
- these are very young children who are all at very different phases of development
- K can be very tough transition for some kids, especially enthusiastic boys
- kids are 75% nature, 25% nurture (IMO) - if you think I'm a terrible parent because my DS is sometimes rambunctious then I also must be the best parent on earth because my DD is amazing.
- I do also think that birth order and gender play a role too
- the mean girl thing can be way worse (heads up!)
- labeling the child and parents as bad ("turds") is pretty shitty -- focus on the behavior, not the person

OP is an adult and should be a little more understanding and thick-skinned. Her reaction will shape her DD"s reaction. Think about how you want your DD to react to similar (or worse) situations in the future.

Thank you for this. Op, if you blame parents for very typical behaviors again and again, you may not have many parent friends left. Personality is inherent; actions are teachable. Kids are learning and exploring and testing limits. Should we correct them and teach them what's right and what's wrong? Absolutely. Should we label them as little turds? Please think twice.