FI suggested I pay for my birthday?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just keep hoping things will get better. He doesn't even need to spend money but putting effort into doing something he thinks I would enjoy would mean much more than asking what I want to do and then asking that I pay for it.

No no no. Hope is not a plan.

It will not get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

If you only make $55k, you are crazy to be spending $1,500 on a birthday present.

This.

This, a million times. You should be glad that your fiancé is not a spendthrift like you.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys live together? How do you split bills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

If you only make $55k, you are crazy to be spending $1,500 on a birthday present.

Totally ridiculous! That's 2.7% of your gross annual income. It doesn't matter that you had a good tax return and saved for a few months. At your, very low income level, you should be putting that kind of change toward retirement, not birthday trips. Geez, if you do that for each birthday, how much do you spend on Christmas and Thanksgiving?

You are not mature enough with money to be married yet. Thank goodness at least he has some sense of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Before you get married you really have to get to the bottom of this.

"Why are you suggesting we split the cost of my birthday and when you make so much more than I do?"

I fixed it for you. Do not mention how much you spent for his birthday, just ask why he feels you should pay for half when he makes so much more than you. Say this is hurting your feelings.

Also, how are you guys budgeting for the wedding? Is he paying for a significant part of the budget or is it your parents who are covering it? Better to talk about financial expectations sooner rather than later. It's not so much about the trip, but you two seem to be on two different planets as far as spending is concerned.

[Anonymous]

You guys are getting married. Your money will be the same bucket soon enough. It doesn't really matter who pays for what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had conversations, yes. We generally agree on main principles and have shared goals. But he never spoils me, ever. Or really puts in effort to plan dates or anything - I always have to choose and plan what we do. I end up paying for and planning the bulk of dates and things we do.

Stop doing it and see if he steps up. Plan something for your friends who appreciate it. Really, Stop doing everything for your fiance. He will never step up as long as you do .. and he may never step up anyway.

Read "The Dance of Anger"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

If you only make $55k, you are crazy to be spending $1,500 on a birthday present.

This.

This, a million times. You should be glad that your fiancé is not a spendthrift like you.

But her fiance is an asshole for accepting this gift knowing how much his girlfriend makes. Seriously, it's clear she spends money very liberally, and instead of saying something like "thanks so much for the lovely thought, but a dinner out is plenty special" the fiance accepted the very expensive gift. He knows it's completely unaffordable if she was thinking straight, but instead of trying to look out for her best interest, he's taking advantage of her. He's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys live together? How do you split bills?

You know many couples don't live together.

[Anonymous]

Is the wedding paid for? Who paid? Do you have any debt? Does He?
I had no extra $ when we were engaged (6 months). All extra money went to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys live together? How do you split bills?

You know many couples don't live together.

Yes, I know many couples don't live together. I didn't live with DH until we were married.

DH probably paid for 90% of our dates. I paid for most of our vacations and household items. I had way more student loans than he did. When we got married, he paid for most all the bills and my entire paycheck went towards my school loans. That was after we put all our collective savings towards a down payment to our house.

If OP and her FI have separate households, her family is paying for the wedding AND she plans/pays for all the dates, she obviously has the shitty end of the deal.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Honestly the more I read the more worried I get about the rabbit hole I have dug myself into.

He has no debts. Works 7 months of the year and is home for 5 and does not work when he does. He has paid off his cars and credit cards, he has a lot of money in savings.

I have 30k of student loan debt and increasing medical bills with a recent serious illness diagnosis. I *did* pay for his birthday before I had a health crisis and had been saving up for a while. I have bills that unfortunately keep piling up, hospital bills, medical bills, and today my car windshield cracked. I am feeling the financial burn. I have a $1000/month co-pay for a supply of one of the drugs i'm taking. Plus, *we* are splitting the cost of the wedding.

I cried today after posting this. He has said he will "help" with my bills but has yet to do so and I've already starting making payments on my hospital bills, and he makes generic statements like "maybe someone will mysteriously pay that bill off" without actually saying if he is helping or not. I have money in savings but with the cost of the wedding and my medical bills my savings should pretty much be depleted.

Honestly, with everything that has been going on medically with me I was hoping that I would be spoiled for my birthday. Which I why I was so upset when he suggested that I pay for half. I was really hoping that we could go away for a day or two in lieu of everything that has happened to me in the last two months.

That is why I want to be spoiled and be taken care of once in a while. Dealing with a chronic illness and working full-time is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

You are going to be extremely resentful of him-- with good reason. Do not marry him.

[Anonymous]

Get out while you can. He doesn't love you the way you need to be loved. That won't change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I cried today after posting this. He has said he will "help" with my bills but has yet to do so and I've already starting making payments on my hospital bills, and he makes generic statements like "maybe someone will mysteriously pay that bill off" without actually saying if he is helping or not.

Next time he says that, call him on it. Be direct. "What do you mean? Do you mean that you are going to offer to pay that bill? These bills are really stressing me out, so if you mean that, I'd very much appreciate it, but please don't suggest it if you don't mean it."