FI suggested I pay for my birthday?!

[Anonymous]

Time to talk about expectations--gifts, spending, savings, and travel.

[Anonymous]

You guys should not get married. Bad communication, obviously different priorities, different ways of spending money, and you sound immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - he makes x2 as much as I do.

$80k to your $40k, or $250k to your $125?

I think you're out of line to demand a trip for your birthday. Dinner, sure. But not a trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - he makes x2 as much as I do.

You guys are engaged and he wants you to pay for half your birthday trip? I would be pissed too. This may trigger a bigger money talk. I mean if you are getting married in the near future, your money will be combined so it shouldn't really matter. You have to put down deposits for the venue, photographer, florist, etc. $250 in the grand scheme of wedding planning is really nothing.

[Anonymous]

How old are you two?

[Anonymous]

I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - he makes x2 as much as I do.

$80k to your $40k, or $250k to your $125?

I think you're out of line to demand a trip for your birthday. Dinner, sure. But not a trip.

Not everyone likes to travel. We never go away for DH's birthday. We always go away for mine.

I guess that makes your FI kind of selfish since he isn't doing what you want to do for your birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

I know this may seem like a big deal now but it really isn't in the long run. It isn't worth calling off a wedding for. You may actually appreciate his frugalness one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 55, he makes 125+. I enjoy spending money on him, like I truly enjoy spoiling him. But I have never felt he does the same for me - ever. It kind of sucks. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

You guys should not get married. Sounds like you have different expectations, ways of dealing with money, love language. Etc. Have you guys even had the real in depth conversations you need to have before getting married?

[Anonymous]

Going on one trip after another
Announcing what you want from each other rather than reveling in spoiling each other
Nickel and diming
Mental bookkeeping

This should be the best time in your relationship. Not good.

[Anonymous]

We've had conversations, yes. We generally agree on main principles and have shared goals. But he never spoils me, ever. Or really puts in effort to plan dates or anything - I always have to choose and plan what we do. I end up paying for and planning the bulk of dates and things we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had conversations, yes. We generally agree on main principles and have shared goals. But he never spoils me, ever. Or really puts in effort to plan dates or anything - I always have to choose and plan what we do. I end up paying for and planning the bulk of dates and things we do.

And what has been his response when you've brought this up with him?

[Anonymous]

Before you get married you really have to get to the bottom of this.

"Why are you suggesting we split the cost of my birthday when it's way cheaper than what I paid for yours, and when you make so much more than I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had conversations, yes. We generally agree on main principles and have shared goals. But he never spoils me, ever. Or really puts in effort to plan dates or anything - I always have to choose and plan what we do. I end up paying for and planning the bulk of dates and things we do.

Well it's only going to go downhill from when you are dating... so either you are ok with it or find someone else.

[Anonymous]

I just keep hoping things will get better. He doesn't even need to spend money but putting effort into doing something he thinks I would enjoy would mean much more than asking what I want to do and then asking that I pay for it.