How soon after giving my number can I expect a text/call?

[Anonymous]

Ok. I my world, if I met a guy and had a really great, long and emotionally intimate conversation, and at the end of it he asked me to his place to have sex (as opposed to asking me for my number so we could go out again), I would assume he was only interested in a hook up and nothing serious.

Am I wrong about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

[mshakespeare]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

I think you are missing the point. She gave the guy her number. He DIDN'T use it. There is probably a reason for this. Therefore, going and finding him on FB and messaging him, was creepy and stalkerish.

I agree with the posters who have said that he was probably just looking for a hook up and when it didn't work out, moved on. And as for the conversation, the guys with a lot of game are the ones who have intimate conversations and want to make you feel comfortable like they are emotionally available, sensitive, etc.

I am a guy, and I would say that if a girl gave me her number and I was interested, I would always send a text, something simple like I hope you and your friends got home safe. It is a non-committal text, doesn't come off as desperate, but opens the door for her to engage in a conversation if she wants to, or not respond at all.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. I my world, if I met a guy and had a really great, long and emotionally intimate conversation, and at the end of it he asked me to his place to have sex (as opposed to asking me for my number so we could go out again), I would assume he was only interested in a hook up and nothing serious.

Am I wrong about this?

OP here. Not wrong!

[mshakespeare]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

I wasn't replying to you when I said that you were missing the point. I was replying to the poster who said that FB is for finding and messaging people...

I understand that you wanted to have a hook up. And that is totally cool. But the fact of the matter is, he hasn't responded to you. I think that your original assumption that he was interested and that he felt like you blew him off was incorrect. You showed that you were clearly into him, you had a discussion about what you wanted to do sexually, etc. Maybe he has a girlfriend or a wife or something. I could see that happening. He's out, has the chance to have a hook up, but since you weren't available that night, he had to go home to his wife or girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

[Anonymous]

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

I wasn't replying to you when I said that you were missing the point. I was replying to the poster who said that FB is for finding and messaging people...

I understand that you wanted to have a hook up. And that is totally cool. But the fact of the matter is, he hasn't responded to you. I think that your original assumption that he was interested and that he felt like you blew him off was incorrect. You showed that you were clearly into him, you had a discussion about what you wanted to do sexually, etc. Maybe he has a girlfriend or a wife or something. I could see that happening. He's out, has the chance to have a hook up, but since you weren't available that night, he had to go home to his wife or girlfriend.

OP here

Thank you, I appreciate all of your responses. I think you have some good thoughts and are probably correct. Very helpful feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

Op here,
Yes, more great points, thank you. Makes sense to me. I appreciate the "it's not you it's him" version of events
I actually have dates on Friday and Saturday lined up so I'm pretty much over it but sincerely appreciate all the help for navigating this in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

Young enough to still be wary of anyone who went through the time to find me online and messaging me if I hadn't reached out to him. Granted ghosting is pretty awful and have hated it when it happened to me. But if I am "ghosting" and trying to avoid a conversation, I'd be freaked out if someone found me on Facebook and sent me a message out of the blue. Of course I don't even use my full name so they would have to do some serious digging.

What I do know is that good or interested guys tend to reach out pretty quickly even if a simple "hope you got home safe/got your friends home safe" or "looking forward to picking up where we left off". And sometimes...it's just one of those things with no explanation and time to shrug it off and move on to the next. Enjoy this time - truly!

[Anonymous]

mshakespeare wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP finding someone on FB or other social media is fine if you met at a bar or party and didn't exchange information. But if he has your number already finding and messaging him, especially so soon, is too much.

I'd likely block someone who did this. In the future, OP, ask your male friends what they would think and/or do. When sharing/swapping dating stories - I've heard many of my male friends laugh or be mildly freaked out by the women who found them on social media and contacted them. With that being said, I did end up texting a guy whose number I had and hadn't heard from after a second date just to say "thanks, had a good time and would love to go to a baseball game if up for it". Did hear back and now married and with a kid.

How old are you? It's not a knock on you, but younger people use social media a bit differently and friending or messaging someone you met out and had a good conversation with is not totally out of line.

I think you are missing the point. She gave the guy her number. He DIDN'T use it. There is probably a reason for this. Therefore, going and finding him on FB and messaging him, was creepy and stalkerish.

I agree with the posters who have said that he was probably just looking for a hook up and when it didn't work out, moved on. And as for the conversation, the guys with a lot of game are the ones who have intimate conversations and want to make you feel comfortable like they are emotionally available, sensitive, etc.

I am a guy, and I would say that if a girl gave me her number and I was interested, I would always send a text, something simple like I hope you and your friends got home safe. It is a non-committal text, doesn't come off as desperate, but opens the door for her to engage in a conversation if she wants to, or not respond at all.

No, that point wasn't missed and was referenced earlier, read the initial post in the string.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

NP here. I'm a woman, and this PP nails it.

My guess is that he has a wife/girlfriend. And for some men and women, it's easier for them to cheat if it's an "in the moment" thing. But once it becomes premeditated, they feel guilty (er) about it. (That's not how I feel, but I've known men who seem to take that view.)

All of the other BS about not contacting or not hooking up or whatever, blah, blah, blah, is mainly either women who read too many women's magazines and think they understand men (they don't) or men who have commitment issues and like to blame it on the "well, she put out too soon" or "she was too available" when, in reality, they just were squeamish about potentially getting involved and wouldn't have called her/contacted her no matter what she did or didn't do.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with messaging someone on Facebook if you know his/her name and the Facebook account is in his/her name (e.g., he told you his name was John Doe and his Facebook account is in the name of John Doe). That's not stalkerish. It's called social media for a reason.

Now, messaging repeatedly if he doesn't answer or finding out where he works and emailing his work account, that's another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
You are missing the point, I think?
I WANTED to hook up with him and couldn't! (because of a strange situation with friends and coworkers and whose car we had and how far away from our homes we were)
I wanted to get in touch to let him know I wasn't blowing him off and was interested on another night.
I appreciate the responses but perhaps we are in different places?
We are young and single and I am not necessarily looking for a relationship.

Hi OP, you seem really cool. I replied to you upthread about him texting you Monday or not at all. A bit more of my wisdom for you.....

1) He has a girlfriend. That is why he didn't text you or respond to you. If he was truly single, based on the chemistry you described and his wanting to sleep with you that night, he would at least have replied to you on social media. If for no other reason, to keep you simmering on the back burner, "in case of emergency, text OP" status. That he didn't even respond indicates he realizes he can get in trouble with his girlfriend and he realizes its not worth the risk of texting with a girl he isn't sleeping with. Men are dogs. Especially handsome men who can woo a woman over drinks and get her to the point of almost going home with him.

2) His sharing emotional stories with you, they are very authentic versions of him, but I will tell you why he shared them: a) he was very comfortable talking to you (go OP!) which is a compliment to you that you put him at ease to do so; but also b) people love talking about themselves. If you give someone booze and a microphone, they will talk about themselves. In fact, when I was single, I learned that what made me a great date was asking women questions, and letting them talk....about themselves.

Better that you didn't sleep with him. He would have ghosted you. Have fun in the dating world, it will be over before you know it!

Op here,
Yes, more great points, thank you. Makes sense to me. I appreciate the "it's not you it's him" version of events
I actually have dates on Friday and Saturday lined up so I'm pretty much over it but sincerely appreciate all the help for navigating this in the future.

Of course you do. You sound a silly little girl. I don't believe you are in your early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Buy a cucumber, name it after the guy and ..... You know what to do to get over him......