Do you miss your AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss mine every day. Think about him all the time. Doubt he thinks about me. I will always miss him.

I'm sorry he used you. You are probably right.

I'm sorry your spouse cheated on you.

[Anonymous]

Miss, not really. I wish we could spend more time together. Not realistic. It's a surface relationship, based on sex, fantasy, escape and light friendship.

When stressed at work, I do have "Calgon take me away" moments. It would be fun to prolong the escape.

But I keep him at a distance as does he. This is how the best APs arrange things when you have zero intention of blowing up your world.

[Anonymous]

I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

+1. Being caught/found out/or just done with AP doesn't instantly put the marriage back. There is a reason the person cheated and the reasons hang around for a long time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

Men love their spouse... women don't love anybody including themselves ... which is why they cheat... they are trying to "fill the abyss".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

+1. Being caught/found out/or just done with AP doesn't instantly put the marriage back. There is a reason the person cheated and the reasons hang around for a long time

Yes. People who cheat have issues internal to themselves that don't magically go away, they would carry those issues to the AP and they will still have those issues if they become single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What des AP stand for?

Use context clues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

Men love their spouse... women don't love anybody including themselves ... which is why they cheat... they are trying to "fill the abyss".

What? Women cheat to fill the abyss but men cheat --- because they really love their spouses? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I miss my EAP. We still work in the same office, but decided to cool it down before we became PAPs. After sharing a bunch of sexual fantasies and having many conversations where we talked about what life would be like together as a married couple, it's hard to pretend there's not an attraction nor ever was one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the teasing and flirting, the cat and mouse game of trying to figure out if the other person is interested, daring them to make the first move, trying to hold back my own desire.

The actual affair? Not so much. But the feeling of chasing and being chased, yes, absolutely.

This is why I think sometimes after they're caught the cheating spouse is suddenly once again wildly in love with the betrayed spouse and desperate to win them back. That push-pull dynamic is reintroduced to the marriage whereas before the affair it might have felt stale and boring.

This is what I don't get. I did not find myself wildly in love with betrayed spouse again after I was caught. Does that really happen? How many cheaters really get that HOLY SHIT, I love my spouse moment? Or is it that they just don't want to deal with the hassle & pain of divorce/loss of seeing children daily/stress on children?

Men love their spouse... women don't love anybody including themselves ... which is why they cheat... they are trying to "fill the abyss".

What? Women cheat to fill the abyss but men cheat --- because they really love their spouses? Seriously?

Yes. Read Frankl it will explain the need to find happiness "meaning in life" and how people fill the abyss with sex, drugs, alcohol, material things. Women just need that next man to "be happy" since they can't find it in themselves.

Men that cheat are just selfish pigs... they take the window seat, eat the big piece of chicken, throw their laundry on the floor, forget their wife's birthday... they love their wife but they just want what they want and don't care about how their wants (which they call "needs") hurt others.

[Anonymous]

Men and women are humans whose motivations are far more complex than a binary gender sorting algorithm.

Yes, meaning in life is a factor but to suggest all women and men are wired by deterministic sexual biology and social constraints is absurd.

Life would be quite boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men and women are humans whose motivations are far more complex than a binary gender sorting algorithm.

Yes, meaning in life is a factor but to suggest all women and men are wired by deterministic sexual biology and social constraints is absurd.

Life would be quite boring.

Is that you, Lewontin?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's actually me and Gould.