Feeling lost career wise at 40

[Anonymous]

Become a state college professor. Work just a few hours a week and be considered fulltime with full benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yours is a sad post. Too many women have given up their careers and then wake up at 40 wanting something more. A friend of mine was a lawyer and so was her husband. He was a General Counsel at a very large Fortune 500 company. She stayed home with the kids after being at a law firm. At age 50, husband had a mid-life crisis. Friend is now working at a shoe store for $12 an hour because her husband left her for a younger woman. Make sure your husband is actually working...that's all I can say.

Meh. I'm so sick of old shrews like you. My husband is working. If he isn't, he will be poorer if he leaves us as my net worth is way higher than his (and protected in a pre nup). These posts that pretend that every SAHM is one second away from sweatshop labor are simply ridiculous. It automatically assumes that all women are too financially inept to protect themselves. It automatically assumes that all men are cheaters. Way to champion women. If having a worldview like yours is the outcome of working, I'm so grateful for my life.

True, but OP has really never been gainfully employed. Honestly, I don't think she has ever worked and supported her own living expenses! If her DH leaves, she will depend on alimony and child support desperately.

[Anonymous]

She may, but she would also probably be paid very well (divorcing a partner), she has a JD and a masters, and she would have the courts either forcing her husband to parent up (which would solve a lot of her "how does someone have a job?" dilemma, OR could he not be bothered she would get full custody and longer/more alimony and child support to give her appropriate time to transition back into the workforce.

I mean, a shoe store? I just don't see that in this woman's future, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yours is a sad post. Too many women have given up their careers and then wake up at 40 wanting something more. A friend of mine was a lawyer and so was her husband. He was a General Counsel at a very large Fortune 500 company. She stayed home with the kids after being at a law firm. At age 50, husband had a mid-life crisis. Friend is now working at a shoe store for $12 an hour because her husband left her for a younger woman. Make sure your husband is actually working...that's all I can say.

Meh. I'm so sick of old shrews like you. My husband is working. If he isn't, he will be poorer if he leaves us as my net worth is way higher than his (and protected in a pre nup). These posts that pretend that every SAHM is one second away from sweatshop labor are simply ridiculous. It automatically assumes that all women are too financially inept to protect themselves. It automatically assumes that all men are cheaters. Way to champion women. If having a worldview like yours is the outcome of working, I'm so grateful for my life.

Except OP IS financially inept.

[Anonymous]

Based upon what? People don't want to know your financial aptitude to hire you for the types of jobs she is seeking (aka not banking), they want to know your credentials. What she lacks in actual career experience can be somewhat mitigated by her education/degrees. With only one child who is school aged and say a 50/50 custodial split there is no doubt this poster could at least put food on the (heavily subsidized by the law firm partner) table, wouldn't you agree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Become a state college professor. Work just a few hours a week and be considered fulltime with full benefits.

Oh like that's so easy to do! And what is she qualified to teach? She's barely worked. No law experience and one year as a special Ed teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may, but she would also probably be paid very well (divorcing a partner), she has a JD and a masters, and she would have the courts either forcing her husband to parent up (which would solve a lot of her "how does someone have a job?" dilemma, OR could he not be bothered she would get full custody and longer/more alimony and child support to give her appropriate time to transition back into the workforce.

I mean, a shoe store? I just don't see that in this woman's future, do you?

But the courts would look at her employment history and see she *never* really supported herself, would that possibly play into alimony amount? I'm sure DH would do joint custody, so that means no child support.

OP would never transition "back" into the workforce, she has really never been "in" the workforce. Starting a family-supporting career at 45 is not going to happen unless something fundamentally changes in OP; I mean she is befuddled by aftercare and summer camp logistics!

[Anonymous]

You seem to know and be sure of lots of things you couldn't possibly know. In this theoretical divorce, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to know and be sure of lots of things you couldn't possibly know. In this theoretical divorce, that is.

My point is make sure her DH is fully on board with this change. She is fundamentally remaking their marriage contract because she is 'bored' and that can breed resentment after supporting her for years and years (likely even before kids in picture).

[Anonymous]

Where exactly did you read that? She acknowledged his hours and that he doesn't and more importantly WON'T help with childcare should she return to work. She's lookin for a 10-3 position with a child in full time schiol. How on earth do you get from that to "fundamentally remaking their marriage".?

[Anonymous]

*looking
*school

Sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where exactly did you read that? She acknowledged his hours and that he doesn't and more importantly WON'T help with childcare should she return to work. She's lookin for a 10-3 position with a child in full time schiol. How on earth do you get from that to "fundamentally remaking their marriage".?

If she wants a new job that is a real career, EVERYONE agrees she needs to work full time, 40 hours.

To do so, her kid will either be with a live in au pair or in extended day/school for 10 hours a day (unless her husband starts sharing child duty)

I agree, if she finds this mythical 10-3 career, there are no issues. But most folks are saying she won't -- she needs to build up experience and leverage to craft that type of job

If she finds it, please share bc I would love it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yours is a sad post. Too many women have given up their careers and then wake up at 40 wanting something more. A friend of mine was a lawyer and so was her husband. He was a General Counsel at a very large Fortune 500 company. She stayed home with the kids after being at a law firm. At age 50, husband had a mid-life crisis. Friend is now working at a shoe store for $12 an hour because her husband left her for a younger woman. Make sure your husband is actually working...that's all I can say.

Meh. I'm so sick of old shrews like you. My husband is working. If he isn't, he will be poorer if he leaves us as my net worth is way higher than his (and protected in a pre nup). These posts that pretend that every SAHM is one second away from sweatshop labor are simply ridiculous. It automatically assumes that all women are too financially inept to protect themselves. It automatically assumes that all men are cheaters. Way to champion women. If having a worldview like yours is the outcome of working, I'm so grateful for my life.

Unfortunately, all the stats on women's finances after divorce are against you. You do understand that women with independent means and/or ironclad prenups are rare? Like really rare? I mean, leave aside the fact that most sahms are not married to high earning men. Get out of your dcum bubble.

[Anonymous]

My circumstances may be rare, but so is a lawyer working for $12/ hour. If they had a long term SAHM relationship and he was a high earner maybe she's working there because she made so much in her divorce settlement/his retirement assets that she got half of that she took the position to occupy her days because she's lonely. You just don't know. But there is one of "you" in every thread.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you considered one-on-one tutoring?

You could put feelers out for tutoring opportunities with educational companies that offer test-prep and other tutoring. You could also put feelers out at local colleges.

The other avenue is exploring administrative opportunities at educational institutions (colleges, private schools, et cetera). Admin may not be your idea of an ideal career, but you may like the college atmosphere and be able to eventually move into a job that involved one-on-one work with college students.

The hours might have some flexibility and/or childcare at the college.

Do you have any kind of network? Contacts either through your husband or through your alma mater? I would work those to see if anyone has any suggestions. That will likely be your best avenue to getting a position somewhere with the hours you want.

I kind of think (from what you've written), that you'd like working at a university in some capacity.