Feeling lost career wise at 40
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Anonymous
Ridiculous. I'll try to sympathize because you have no real work experience, but no one you know takes days off from work on sick days, and/or hires babysitters? |
Anonymous
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OP you have to jump in and then figure it out.
That's what ALL the rest of us do as well. For sick days and teacher days you cobble together work-from-home days and vacation time and babysitters and one-day camps. My husband is a doctor and has about the most inflexible schedule on the planet and even he manages to cover the kids' sick days here and there. He does some crazy stuff on the fly with his schedule but you know, he makes it work. You just make it work. That's what being a two income family is all about. Your post really, really comes off whiny and annoying to be honest. |
Anonymous
OP, I have a job that is meaningful, matters to other people, and pays pretty decent money (low six figures). It's also flexible. However, I had to work hard to get to this point. Flexible doesn't mean low hours - I still work around 45-50 hours a week, but I have control over when I work them. About 6 weeks a year I have to work very long hours. While I like most of my colleagues, a significant minority are difficult to work with, and I have to watch my back. It's often quite stressful. For now I'm sucking it up and making this work, although I hope within a year to be in a job that's a better fit. I expect there will be downsides to any new position I take, because as many of the previous posters said, the perfect balance is really a unicorn. I don't think there's anything wrong with having something that is a job vs career. Subbing sounds pretty good to me. It doesn't sound as though launching a career is something that will work for you right now given everything else you've got going on in your life. |
Anonymous
I have been a working mom, part time working mom and now a SAHM. You really don't know any parents who work and put kids in daycare/camp/summer babysitters? Many camps cover 6-8 weeks of the summer and have extended care. Almost all working families I know do camp for most of the summer and/or get a summer babysitter to drive kids to half day camps, swim team, read with kids, etc. Most families take a week of vacation and may do 1 week of grandparent care. When I was working, my parents would come visit for 1 week during Christmas break. DH and I would often take one week or part of the week. We went to the Caribbean or visited in-laws. There are tons of camps for teacher work days and breaks. You sound like you are making a lot of excuses. No wonder you never started a career and you are 40. Your child is starting full time school and you can't figure out aftercare and breaks. There are not that many sick days. Snow days are often covered by daycares and you probably haave a big SAHM network. |
Anonymous
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OP I think people are being really rough on you. I understand that inattentive ADD makes the things that everyone else perceives as a piece of cake very daunting and overwhelming.
First, although the you did not use your JD I would encourage you to stop framing yourself as never having had a career. It sounds like you were a teacher and now you want a career change. Second, moms who work out of the home full time do use before and aftercare and babysitters for some sick days (frankly, depending on where they live, it's harder to get babysitters for snow days). This is balanced of course by how much you make- some women find they are working just to cover childcare costs and they would rather not, while others either make more or get enough value out of the job that the arrangement isn't a problem for them. Third, you aren't a failure. It would probably help you to get a clearer picture on the type of career you'd like to pursue (if any, after some research you may find you like your situation just fine) and then look into some professional organizations. Lots of people with less than linear resumes need to network into opportunities rather than just submit applications online. Good luck OP! I hope you are able to make some changes or find satisfaction in your current setup. |
Anonymous
Where do you live?! My kids and the great majority of my kids' friends spend their afternoons in school aftercare, spend summer breaks in camps, attend single-day camps to cover those random days off school, and we figure out the snow days and other through negotiating between DW/DH, trading sitting with friends, hiring a sitter (snow days are actually pretty easy -- if my kids can't go to school, the HS kid down the street isn't going to school either and is happy to earn some money). I get that it feels overwhelming. I was a SAHM with a very PT job throughout my kids' early years but went back to work FT when #2 was in K. The logistics seem complicated until you get the hang of it. And, fyi, you have to plan your summer in January to start lining up camps, which is a PITA. Given that you liked teaching I'd say start by subbing to see if you want to go back to it and it gives you the flexibility you want right now. |
Anonymous
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OP here. My child and my friends kids are all between ages 3-4, so many of them haven't dealt with before/after care or camps yet because like I said, everyone I know who works full-time either has an au pair (majority of families), one spouse works from home and can cover, or they have local grandparents who babysits/nannies regularly. So they aren't scrambling to find coverage for sick/snow days or summers as much. The logistics of figuring all this out do seem incredibly overwhelming since spouse's job is 100% inflexible so it all falls on me. So far it's been easy because any sick/snow days and all summer is just me, spouse has never taken any time off for any of these situations. It's challenging to try to figure out how I would get all that time covered, especially since new jobs usually have limited vacation time.
But the logistics aside, my question is more of what can I do with my degrees and my limited work experience. I preferred the school counseling aspect of my job to teaching. I can try to find sub jobs as a first step to getting back into things but I want to explore what else I could possibly do with a JD and a master's in special education. I'm having difficulty envisioning job possiblities for myself. I guess having an actual career is probbably not realistic at this point. Thanks! |
Anonymous
Really? This kind of astonishes me. Even the SAHMs in my community send kids to summer camp for something to do. Maybe not the whole summer but a couple weeks of topics that interest them. |
Anonymous
| I posted before about talking to a career coach, and still think it would be a good idea for you. The advice you've been given so far gives you the roadmap for navigating a return to the workforce. A career coach can help you identify a career path that works within your parameters. Mine suggested industries and options I'd never considered. Might want to give it a try! |
Anonymous
School counseling is super competitive in that there is an oversupply of people who want to do it for very few jobs (especially in the nicer suburban schools). Plus you will need to retrain for it. You won't get a counseling job with a teaching degree and one or two years of teaching experience. Having an actual career is not unrealistic at this point. But you do need to think about it practically which it doesn't sound like you are doing right now. You are all about your wants and demands (i.e. you want a well paying, meaningful job that fits between the hours of 10-3; you know this is something of a unicorn right?) vs. what is realistic and possible for someone with your education and work history. |
Anonymous
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OP, if I may ask, what are you doing right now? Is it something you can turn into full time?
Alternatively, have you looked into volunteering? Do you need the money? I know a few SAHMs who find great meaning in volunteering for causes they support. But they are fortunate in that they do not need the money. I guess this is another way of asking, what is your motivation for returning to work? Is it about the money or is it just wanting something to fill your days while your child is at school? |
Anonymous
My motivation for returning to work is to have something meaningful to fill my days. I had originally thought I'd SAH long term but we can't have a second child and my child is busy with her own friends, preschool, and next year Kindergarten, and I feel like I need my own thing too. We don't need my salary (husband is law firm partner) but I would rather not work for free. I'd like my job but it can't turn into more hours (already asked). |
Anonymous
Good luck. These are very competitive positions, for the reasons you mention here pp |
Anonymous
If your husband is a law firm partner, you can afford any sort of help you need. You return to work. You hire help for childcare. Why is this so hard? 
It would be a different story if you were a single mom or a mom married to a teacher or just about any scenario. |
Anonymous
Your husband doesn't take time off because you stay home. Unless he is a surgeon with a patient on the table, the notion that he can never stay home on a snow day or sick day is ridiculous, especially if he supports you going back to work. Everyone else on earth makes it work, as can you. Oy. |