Feeling lost career wise at 40

[Anonymous]

I'm about to turn 40, and I feel very lost career wise. Currently I'm a SAHM who works very part-time for $15 per hour at a fun and meaningful job. Meaningful because it's for a cause I am very passionate about at an organization I really respect. I've been in this job for two years and have gotten very good performance reviews.

Due to secondary infertility we are no longer able to have any more children, and now my one and only is about to start K next year. I had planned to SAH longer if I had been able to have a second but now I feel like I should go back to work.

I never really had a career, though I have a JD. After receiving my JD I worked at a variety of non-legal jobs (parents pressured me into going to law school when I was 23 and I hated it and my legal internships). I never took the bar exam, which I regret. In my early 30s I went back to school and got a masters in teaching and worked for a few years in special ed/school counseling until I had my first child.

I was always very directionless career-wise, always job hopped (except for my current and last job) and I have inattentive ADD (which I did not know I had until a few years ago). I really enjoyed teaching/school counseling and would consider going back to something in that field. Though my first and only job out of grad school for my master's was entry level, so I'd be going back to entry level now, which is fine.

Now that my dream of having a second child will never happen (due to the secondary infertility, we've already done 4 IVFs), I feel like I need a new roadmap for my 40s because I feel completely lost career wise. Any suggestions? I feel like the biggest failure career wise and this bothers me every day.

[Anonymous]

Why would you not just go back to teaching? Sounds like you liked it. Start subbing and see what opportunities open up. You might be able to snag a long term sub position later this year or next if someone goes out on maternity leave and maybe that experience will bump you up the list for a full time position.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of subbing to assess how you like teaching as a career. Can you talk to a career counselor/coach to help you figure out the skills you have and the type of work you would be fulfilled by?

Could you expand on your part time position to find a full-time positionIn another nonprofit?

[Anonymous]

I can relate to a lot of your post, OP. I too have a JD and have inattentive ADD. Certain things happened in my marriage which were really disappointing, and a dealt with this by focusing on my own path, which included changing careers. While I did practice for a while I changed career tracks at age 40, returning to school for a counseling degree. I'm now a therapist and love it. If teaching or counseling is your thing I say do it! I'm 55 now and don't regret the career shift for a second -- I love what I do.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Working full-time is really out of the question for me, because of my spouse's hectic work schedule/long hours/weekly travel. Spouse works 70 hour weeks and travels weekly. We don't have any local family and I don't know how I could make full-time work because I have to do all drop offs, pick ups, sick and snow days. I could really only do part-time, between the hours of 10-3 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate to a lot of your post, OP. I too have a JD and have inattentive ADD. Certain things happened in my marriage which were really disappointing, and a dealt with this by focusing on my own path, which included changing careers. While I did practice for a while I changed career tracks at age 40, returning to school for a counseling degree. I'm now a therapist and love it. If teaching or counseling is your thing I say do it! I'm 55 now and don't regret the career shift for a second -- I love what I do.

OP here. Thanks for sharing your story. I didn't know I had inattantive ADD until a few years ago but it explains a lot. I'm totally fine re: ADD when I'm a SAHM/only work very part-time, but when I work full-time I can't juggle work and home responsibilities very well and feel overwhelmed. I'm not forgetful/don't lose things/am always punctual but my ADD manifests itself mainly in feeling overwhelmed. I also have difficulty with boring tasks and keeping attention focused on boring tasks. I had a lot of difficulty studying but managed to get good grades. Anyhow, now that I'm aware of my ADD I can make use of coping skills which are very helpful and work well.

Anyhow, I don't think I want to go back to school for a third degree, but I'd like to make use of the JD and/or master's in teaching if possible. I preferred the school counseling focus I was doing over teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Working full-time is really out of the question for me, because of my spouse's hectic work schedule/long hours/weekly travel. Spouse works 70 hour weeks and travels weekly. We don't have any local family and I don't know how I could make full-time work because I have to do all drop offs, pick ups, sick and snow days. I could really only do part-time, between the hours of 10-3 pm.

subbing then?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm going to be honest with you. It is going to be damn near impossible to start a "career" if you are not open to working full-time. Before everyone gets up in arms, that is not to say that there aren't people with great careers who work part-time, but in almost every instance, it was years of hard work and proving themselves in their field that then enabled them to downshift later into part-time positions. Trying to start a new career at age 40 is going to be really difficult if you also refuse to work outside of school hours or more than 5 hours a day. There are lots of families with two full-time working parents, even where one spouse works and travels a lot (mine included), and we all make it work with childcare. If you are set on only working between 10-3, then $15/hour for an organization you really believe in isn't a bad deal.

[Anonymous]

Agree with previous poster. There's NO way you're going to start a meaningful career at age 40 when you only want to work 10-3pm.

LOL

You are looking for the golden unicorn. If any of us had the answer we'd be in that career ourselves tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to be honest with you. It is going to be damn near impossible to start a "career" if you are not open to working full-time. Before everyone gets up in arms, that is not to say that there aren't people with great careers who work part-time, but in almost every instance, it was years of hard work and proving themselves in their field that then enabled them to downshift later into part-time positions. Trying to start a new career at age 40 is going to be really difficult if you also refuse to work outside of school hours or more than 5 hours a day. There are lots of families with two full-time working parents, even where one spouse works and travels a lot (mine included), and we all make it work with childcare. If you are set on only working between 10-3, then $15/hour for an organization you really believe in isn't a bad deal.

Totally agree with this. Also OP, don't just assume that you could not handle a full time, yet flexible gig, especially if there are aftercare options at your kid's school. If you aren't interested in a full time position, then you may as well stick with the part-time gig you have. Maybe you can turn it into something more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with previous poster. There's NO way you're going to start a meaningful career at age 40 when you only want to work 10-3pm.

LOL

You are looking for the golden unicorn. If any of us had the answer we'd be in that career ourselves tomorrow.

I want that job and I never got to SAH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with previous poster. There's NO way you're going to start a meaningful career at age 40 when you only want to work 10-3pm.

LOL

You are looking for the golden unicorn. If any of us had the answer we'd be in that career ourselves tomorrow.

+ 1

I really don't know what you possibly think people can suggest in this thread. Come on, OP. You're being completely ridiculous. "I want a meaningful job. I want what I do to *matter* to other people. But I also want it to pay decent money. I've been out of the workforce for the past 4-5 years. And oh yeah, I only want to work between school hours!"

Buzzz. Next.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest taking a STC job at the World Bank. The positions are often part-time and can lead to more meaningful careers in international development or non-profits. You will need to network to find the right TTL who is hiring, but your law degree will be a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suggest taking a STC job at the World Bank. The positions are often part-time and can lead to more meaningful careers in international development or non-profits. You will need to network to find the right TTL who is hiring, but your law degree will be a plus.

Odd suggestion. Everyone I know at World bank calls it a sweatshop and divorce factory!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what's wrong with the position you have? With your spouses schedule and your medical challenges it sounds absolutely perfect for you? I have a spouse who works and travels like yours and a full time job for me would simply make our family life shitty, so I don't do it. I'm grateful that I have that option.