Feeling lost career wise at 40

[Anonymous]

OP, where will your child go to kindergarten? My son just started K in a private school, and I could just about fill my days volunteering with his school. They are always looking for volunteers for something. Unfortunately, I have a full-time job and can't do it as much as I would like, but when I do volunteer, I really enjoy it. I know you said you don't want to work for free, but as many others have pointed out, something is going to have to give in your list of desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My child and my friends kids are all between ages 3-4, so many of them haven't dealt with before/after care or camps yet because like I said, everyone I know who works full-time either has an au pair (majority of families), one spouse works from home and can cover, or they have local grandparents who babysits/nannies regularly. So they aren't scrambling to find coverage for sick/snow days or summers as much. The logistics of figuring all this out do seem incredibly overwhelming since spouse's job is 100% inflexible so it all falls on me. So far it's been easy because any sick/snow days and all summer is just me, spouse has never taken any time off for any of these situations. It's challenging to try to figure out how I would get all that time covered, especially since new jobs usually have limited vacation time.

But the logistics aside, my question is more of what can I do with my degrees and my limited work experience. I preferred the school counseling aspect of my job to teaching. I can try to find sub jobs as a first step to getting back into things but I want to explore what else I could possibly do with a JD and a master's in special education. I'm having difficulty envisioning job possiblities for myself. I guess having an actual career is probbably not realistic at this point.

Thanks!

Your husband doesn't take time off because you stay home. Unless he is a surgeon with a patient on the table, the notion that he can never stay home on a snow day or sick day is ridiculous, especially if he supports you going back to work.

Everyone else on earth makes it work, as can you. Oy.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Never works in her life, married to law firm partner. OP must be hot. I recommend a career as boutique personal trainer, start off at like SoulCycle or some chain, make take some course the DH bankrolls and open your niche fitness business. This is huge. And keeps your figure and ensures DH stays close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never works in her life, married to law firm partner. OP must be hot. I recommend a career as boutique personal trainer, start off at like SoulCycle or some chain, make take some course the DH bankrolls and open your niche fitness business. This is huge. And keeps your figure and ensures DH stays close.

This is what I did. Love it!

[Anonymous]

With a background in law and master's in Special Ed, the first thing that came to mind for me is something like being a guardian ad litem but that's not going to be something you can do during school hours only. Really, establishing any career is going to require working full time to get started. If you want to work school hours you are looking at a part time "job" not a "career."

But, if your DH is a law firm partner, you can hire a FT nanny/au pair and you will be covered. Doesn't sound like you need your job to contribute to the family finances at all. Meet with a career counselor to get some ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never works in her life, married to law firm partner. OP must be hot. I recommend a career as boutique personal trainer, start off at like SoulCycle or some chain, make take some course the DH bankrolls and open your niche fitness business. This is huge. And keeps your figure and ensures DH stays close.

This is what I did. Love it!

She can cater to SAHM clientele and have those school hours she wants.

[Anonymous]

Good lord, OP. Your DH is a law firm partner, and you have no idea what to do about child care so you can return to work? You hire help.

Also, newsflash: your DH is not so important that he can never take days off to take care of your kid. If that's what he's telling you, he's feeding you a pack of lies. I know many law firm partners, including men, who are involved parents and who do indeed take time off to care for their kids. Some of them even do morning drop off since they don't need to be at the office at 7am, allowing their spouses to get to work and start their days earlier.

If you don't find a way to make this work, it's simply because you don't want to. That's fine, but own it instead of acting baffled and as if you are without resources to do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Where did she say he was a law firm partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did she say he was a law firm partner?

Never mind, I see it.

OP - he can take time off work. He's acting like this (let me guess, rarely sees the kid, too) because you let him. And I agree you sound helpless. Get a backbone and figure your shit out, woman! You're not his daughter, you're an equal partner in the marriage (one would think, though apparently these big/no earner relationships turn weird).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did she say he was a law firm partner?

Never mind, I see it.

OP - he can take time off work. He's acting like this (let me guess, rarely sees the kid, too) because you let him. And I agree you sound helpless. Get a backbone and figure your shit out, woman! You're not his daughter, you're an equal partner in the marriage (one would think, though apparently these big/no earner relationships turn weird).

If her DH is not supportive of this step I would first seek counseling. OP has never really worked, and she is effectively placing new demands on her breadwinner DH effectively because she is bored. It's one thing if she gave up some ambitious dreams and career to stay home to take care of her kids, but it seems like since day one their marriage compact had been he works and she takes care of the home. She now unilaterally wants to change that basically because she is idle 6 hrs a day. And honestly, once you hit the gym for an hour, order or make dinner, you only have like 4 hours free. I can see her DH viewing this as some annoying midlife crisis (I'm 40!). Just wait 5-7 more years and your lone child will basically be completely independent and go back to work at 45. Take some classes now in preparation but keep that hot bod and law partner happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I suggest taking a STC job at the World Bank. The positions are often part-time and can lead to more meaningful careers in international development or non-profits. You will need to network to find the right TTL who is hiring, but your law degree will be a plus.

Oh right, because anyone with little experience who's been unemployed for the last 5 years can just hop into World Bank consulting? 90% of those jobs are extremely competitive unless you're talking about admin work or really undesirable work.

[Anonymous]

Some people just have the life...

[Anonymous]

OP, yours is a sad post. Too many women have given up their careers and then wake up at 40 wanting something more. A friend of mine was a lawyer and so was her husband. He was a General Counsel at a very large Fortune 500 company. She stayed home with the kids after being at a law firm. At age 50, husband had a mid-life crisis. Friend is now working at a shoe store for $12 an hour because her husband left her for a younger woman. Make sure your husband is actually working...that's all I can say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to be honest with you. It is going to be damn near impossible to start a "career" if you are not open to working full-time. Before everyone gets up in arms, that is not to say that there aren't people with great careers who work part-time, but in almost every instance, it was years of hard work and proving themselves in their field that then enabled them to downshift later into part-time positions. Trying to start a new career at age 40 is going to be really difficult if you also refuse to work outside of school hours or more than 5 hours a day. There are lots of families with two full-time working parents, even where one spouse works and travels a lot (mine included), and we all make it work with childcare. If you are set on only working between 10-3, then $15/hour for an organization you really believe in isn't a bad deal.

Totally agree with this. Also OP, don't just assume that you could not handle a full time, yet flexible gig, especially if there are aftercare options at your kid's school. If you aren't interested in a full time position, then you may as well stick with the part-time gig you have. Maybe you can turn it into something more.

I agree with both of these posters.

I want to add, I don't think you are lost career wise (you don't have a career to be in lost in). You are having a mid-life identity crisis overall -- your ideal job would be to be a SAHM, but that's gotten sidetracked unexpectedly. You need to figure out what you want to do at this point. Is it a career? You've put some severe limitations on what you can do. Maybe you should consider volunteering. Or you could look into going back to work and finding daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yours is a sad post. Too many women have given up their careers and then wake up at 40 wanting something more. A friend of mine was a lawyer and so was her husband. He was a General Counsel at a very large Fortune 500 company. She stayed home with the kids after being at a law firm. At age 50, husband had a mid-life crisis. Friend is now working at a shoe store for $12 an hour because her husband left her for a younger woman. Make sure your husband is actually working...that's all I can say.

Meh. I'm so sick of old shrews like you. My husband is working. If he isn't, he will be poorer if he leaves us as my net worth is way higher than his (and protected in a pre nup). These posts that pretend that every SAHM is one second away from sweatshop labor are simply ridiculous. It automatically assumes that all women are too financially inept to protect themselves. It automatically assumes that all men are cheaters. Way to champion women. If having a worldview like yours is the outcome of working, I'm so grateful for my life.