Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are just now getting around to having a sip n see for our 11 year old. It's gonna be great.

Haha. You have been busy, huh? At this point, you may just throw him a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This really is an Internet thing and not real life.

Yes, Internet only, because no one would say it to your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

So? Are you destitute and unable to afford your own stuff?

What planet are you from? Sincerely asking.. clearly one of privilege, lacking in tact and empathy.

Actually, no. I just don't understand the big sad faces for the possibility that one might not *gasp* have had a baby shower. It's actually a very privileged point of view that a having shower is such the expectation that it is.

I'm not poor thank you and I did buy most of my stuff. My very first baby and I wanted to celebrate with friends and family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. So what if I want to enjoy this time in my life. Sorry you're no fun.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed my shower and it meant a lot to me. It wasn't about gifts.

Agreed and I was in the same position. My friends were happy to attend but didn't have the time or ability to throw it at that point (serving overseas, another didn't have the money and another was dealing with a parents death).

Showers are about friends celebrating with you and less about gifts. Frankly I didn't care about getting gifts.

[Anonymous]

I've never attended a baby shower that was not hosted by one or both of the grandmas. Then again, in my group of family/friends, these are all huge affairs that include family/friends/co-workers - the whole "village". So there hasn't been a need to have separate showers that are hosted and attended only by friends, for example. It is eye-opening to me that people find this rude!

[Anonymous]

Weird. All the showers I have attended are hosted by a best girlfriend.

Is this regional/ cultural?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with OP, although my feelings are not as strong. I think it's best if a dear friend of the family throws the party, even if your mom or MIL is working with them behind the scenes. I feel like it shows the breakdown of social ties in modern life, which is more sad than morally wrong.

I feel like removing grandmas from sharing in the joy of a new baby in favor of replacing them with friends or coworkers is a breakdown of social AND family ties and is a very sad statement on modern life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never attended a baby shower that was not hosted by one or both of the grandmas. Then again, in my group of family/friends, these are all huge affairs that include family/friends/co-workers - the whole "village". So there hasn't been a need to have separate showers that are hosted and attended only by friends, for example. It is eye-opening to me that people find this rude!

I agree.

But don't forget, dcum collectively cares little about family ties, usually doesn't like their moms and can't stand their MILs.

Family ties and normal traditions mean very little to many on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree with OP, although my feelings are not as strong. I think it's best if a dear friend of the family throws the party, even if your mom or MIL is working with them behind the scenes. I feel like it shows the breakdown of social ties in modern life, which is more sad than morally wrong.

I feel like removing grandmas from sharing in the joy of a new baby in favor of replacing them with friends or coworkers is a breakdown of social AND family ties and is a very sad statement on modern life.

Yes! And grandmas are the ones who are the happiest about a new baby and most likely to want to spend the time and money on a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree on all points.
(1) this is outdated, old school etiquette. Who cares about this rule?
(2) DD or DIL are now grown-ups since they're about to have a baby. Now is as good a time as any to learn how to say no if they don't want something.
(3) I don't think grandma is the pregnant one so how exactly is this throwing a party for oneself??

Good manners and proper etiquette are never outdated.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I don't think grandmothers or MILs should be excluded at all -- I just don't think they should host the party.

[Anonymous]

I have no plans to die on this hill. But if my mom and MIL keep insisting on running up it, they're not going to make it down alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no plans to die on this hill. But if my mom and MIL keep insisting on running up it, they're not going to make it down alive.

Hahahah!! Xoxo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don't think grandmothers or MILs should be excluded at all -- I just don't think they should host the party.

But it is traditional for them to host the baby shower.

Why the need to hurt feeling by breaking from tradition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don't think grandmothers or MILs should be excluded at all -- I just don't think they should host the party.

But it is traditional for them to host the baby shower.

Why the need to hurt feeling by breaking from tradition?

Traditional for who?? People who somehow get to adulthood (and old age!!) without understanding basic etiquette?? I thought it had been understood: relatives don't host showers. Except that they do, to the point that you apparently think that is the way it is supposed to be. Are y'all fucking with me? Or for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don't think grandmothers or MILs should be excluded at all -- I just don't think they should host the party.

But it is traditional for them to host the baby shower.

Why the need to hurt feeling by breaking from tradition?

Traditional for who?? People who somehow get to adulthood (and old age!!) without understanding basic etiquette?? I thought it had been understood: relatives don't host showers. Except that they do, to the point that you apparently think that is the way it is supposed to be. Are y'all fucking with me? Or for real?

Traditional in many parts of the country. Grandmas or sisters traditionally host the family/extended family baby shower.

It is rude to pawn it off to some distant relative or friend. This is not a bachlorette party or bridal shower. It is a celebration given by those people who will be closest to the baby.