Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hill to die on was a joke. There is at least one dcum poster who seems to rep the interests of mils, and who is always telling anyone who complains that they chose the wrong "hill to die on."

I can almost hear their heavy sigh reading those posts! "Poor urchin, let me distill my wisdom unto you...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, a baby shower thrown by grandma is often a party for grandma, with grandma's guest list, and grandma's preferences. As if grandma threw herself a birthday party.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think in a lot of cases who hosts your baby shower(s) depends on whether you live in same city as friends/family or not. For us, our families and friends are all really spread out so my side of the family hosted a shower for us in my hometown, my husbands family hosted one in his hometown, and our friends here hosted another one here. I would have preferred to just have 1 shower w everyone but that really didn't make sense in our situation and all of the people who hosted offered and were very enthusiastic about hosting so I wasn't going to turn them down. I think a lot of people are in similar situations to ours. In most famoly/friend groups I know if, family and friends want to celebrate the new baby and I don't think most people find it rude for showers to be hosted, as pp said, by those who have the most time, money, and interest in celebrating--which is usually the close family members and friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moms and MILs should not host showers because ...

1) rude to ask for gifts for family member (etiquette experts agree!)
2) rude to obligate DD or DIL ( it is hard for her to say no to you, and you know it!)
3) rude to throw party for yourself (and being old is not an excuse for being rude!)

Discuss!

3) - does this mean all wedding receptions and birthday parties are rude? That makes no sense

[Anonymous]

Of course you dont throw your own birthday party. Weddings are traditionally hosted by parents. Weddings are not showers though.

[Anonymous]

If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

[Anonymous]

I'm usually happy for my friends who are having babies - I want to attend those showers and buy a nice gift, no matter who is hosting. If someone I barely know invites me to a shower in a blatant gift grab, I just politely decline. Those tend to be the people sharing their registry link all over Facebook, and I'm happy to unfollow and ignore. If you're judging your friend for not following "proper etiquette" instead of being glad to celebrate their impending addition, you might wanna reconsider that friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

So? Are you destitute and unable to afford your own stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

So? Are you destitute and unable to afford your own stuff?

What planet are you from? Sincerely asking.. clearly one of privilege, lacking in tact and empathy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have to admit, I think most of your mom- and MIL-hosted showers are fine.

I was trying to think of how to avoid the situation that I'm in (and that others have shared they have been in), when your MIL wants to throw a party for herself (with a guest list of people that I literally have never met before), and you feel guilty about saying no to her (because she's an old lady and it's her grandchild, etc.) even though you feel that the whole thing is rude.

But I can see that most of your showers are really fine, and that no one is put out about them.

My next idea is that we just get rid of showers altogether!! I mean, they are stupid right? Can't we celebrate babies another way??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

So? Are you destitute and unable to afford your own stuff?

What planet are you from? Sincerely asking.. clearly one of privilege, lacking in tact and empathy.

Actually, no. I just don't understand the big sad faces for the possibility that one might not *gasp* have had a baby shower. It's actually a very privileged point of view that a having shower is such the expectation that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my Mom hadn't thrown me one I wouldn't of had one

So? Are you destitute and unable to afford your own stuff?

What planet are you from? Sincerely asking.. clearly one of privilege, lacking in tact and empathy.

Actually, no. I just don't understand the big sad faces for the possibility that one might not *gasp* have had a baby shower. It's actually a very privileged point of view that a having shower is such the expectation that it is.

I'm not poor thank you and I did buy most of my stuff. My very first baby and I wanted to celebrate with friends and family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. So what if I want to enjoy this time in my life. Sorry you're no fun.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed my shower and it meant a lot to me. It wasn't about gifts.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp, my shower, hosted by both MIL and mom, was so much fun! It really isn't about the presents so much as it was great to get together and see family. We can afford to buy all of our own baby items, but family wanted to buy them.
Why can't you just be grateful OP?

[Anonymous]

Well, if it is not about the gifts, you can do something else that is not a shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have to admit, I think most of your mom- and MIL-hosted showers are fine.

I was trying to think of how to avoid the situation that I'm in (and that others have shared they have been in), when your MIL wants to throw a party for herself (with a guest list of people that I literally have never met before), and you feel guilty about saying no to her (because she's an old lady and it's her grandchild, etc.) even though you feel that the whole thing is rude.

But I can see that most of your showers are really fine, and that no one is put out about them.

My next idea is that we just get rid of showers altogether!! I mean, they are stupid right? Can't we celebrate babies another way??

OP, if you are the same poster as the other thread that was updating about the shower/sip and see her MIL is throwing, I hope you get through your emotions and show up with a smile on your face and no expectations. There's no point in going in with a chip on your shoulder, that will just assure a bad time for yourself and other. It's happening, accept it, get through it and move on. I say this as a person who adjusted down my expectations for visits with my in laws and now just say "it will be fine" and it almost always is.