Here is a hill to die on: Ban on showers hosted by Mom or MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are no rules when it comes to throwing a party. Anyone can throw a party. Period.

If any invited guest is offended by an invite from a relative and/or views a baby shower as a gift grab, then that person is simply an asshat...and who wants an asshat at their shower?

Both my mother and MIL hosted bridal and baby showers for me (two different states). And I've been to dozens of showers hosted by family. Nobody bats an eye.

You know what I did find offensive? Being expected to foot the bill for a bridal shower along with the MOH and bridesmaids when most of us were in law school (and not working) because the mother said it would be "inappropriate" for her to host it. You know who should host parties? People with the time, energy, money and interest.

This is one of the most intelligent things I've ever read on DCUM. Spot on.

OP, go ahead and die on that hill so we don't have to invite you to my party.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

This situation pushed all my buttons in the very worst ways. I feel like I have worked through it now. Thanks all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rude to throw party for yourself? What exactly is any party that an adult throws other than a party for yourself?

I think relative thrown baby showers are perfectly fine, especially if the majority of people attending are relatives too. Id be upset if I was throwing a shower for a close friend and she invited 30 relatives. I think there should be a friend shower and a relative shower.

This is what I had. My shower back in my hometown, thrown by my mom and sisters, was mostly family, a few family friends, and my best friend from high school (who certainly did not care as her mom had hosted her shower!). Then back in DC my friends threw me a shower.

The whole etiquette rule about family unable to host showers is stupid and made up by someone with too much time on their hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never attended a baby shower that was not hosted by one or both of the grandmas. Then again, in my group of family/friends, these are all huge affairs that include family/friends/co-workers - the whole "village". So there hasn't been a need to have separate showers that are hosted and attended only by friends, for example. It is eye-opening to me that people find this rude!

Yes, me too! I actually would feel guilty my busy friends with jobs, kids, etc were trying to coordinate my shower. My retired aunt or MIL who never worked have the time. Plus family is excited about a new baby in a different and special way...no surprise that they would want to plan the celebration.

I am going to a shower today, hosted by the grandma and great-grandma to be. Close friends and family will be there and I can't wait to celbrate with my frind. Plus I am glad the responsibility did not fall to me with the demands of work and months of awful morning sickness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, look at you MIL dofferently.

Many People, especially in this area, don't have family nearby so they end up making a surrogate family with their friends.

Is it possible your MIL has done the same since her kids are gone, where what you consider just a bunch of strangers and her friends are actually the people who fill the "family" role in her life?

Maybe, but I just don't care? I still find it obnoxious that she's throwing a party for herself. With me and my baby as proxy. And that I got guilted/tricked into it. But I'm sure everyone is sick of my problems, LOL.

You need to get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more time: it is not a "gesture of kindness" when someone a) ignores your wishes while b) on a mission to throw their own selves a party!!! Why do you not get that?

If one more person tells me I should be grateful for my MIL being selfish!!

It's OK though, I know there are some sane people here who agree with me.

No one has told you to be grateful.

Gracious and grateful are two different words with different meanings.

So true. And by the way, Emily, isn't grace the highest of all ettiquette rules?