Boy who refuses to shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there no father in the picture?

Dad's role here is to say:

"Get in the fucking shower, NOW, and don't come out until you're clean!"

I odnt understand why people dont read the OP. She said she is a single Mom!

I don't know why mom can't say that. I wouldn't say "fuck". But if I say get in the shower, my kids sure as hell better get in the damn shower. They are far, far from perfect but they would never flat out refuse to do what I asked. I think maybe this is the kind of parenting that needs to start at 2, not 7.

Then you have compliant kids. Congrats. This is not your parenting being magical, its the fact that your kids are not the most stubborn human on earth.

And (op here) what the heck do people THINK I say to him? "would you please if you think its ok take a shower pretty please?"

Nope - I say, "It is shower night. You will take one before bed tonight." Then when its time, "Time for a shower. Get undressed and get in the shower." Then comes defiance. And refusal. And a battle of wills. And a standoff, or me forcibly removing his clothing and putting him in the shower.

No. One of my boys was difficult. Still, he wouldn't have outright refused because he wouldn't have liked the consequences. I would calmly go into your son's room and remove everything except a mattress, a pillow, a blanket, and clothes. He earns items back when he showers without being asked. Until then, he sleeps in a room with nothing.

[Anonymous]

I have a 7 year old who can be quite obstinant and sometimes I have a hard time getting my girls to take a shower but then once they are in they remember how nice it feels - warm water is very relaxing.
I would prep the water, make sure it is nice but not too hot, then ask him to test the temperature.
If he didn't want to get in I would remind him that his behavior is very inconsiderate because you have other chores to do (make something up if you don't - laundry, dinner dishes.) Pull the privileges card - screen time, favorite snack, upcoming playdate, whatever works.
Yes I would physically force him to shower. The 9 year old is showering on her own (we get out her washcloth and towel, we've started letting her pick out a favorite shampoo and body wash at the store) but with the 7 year I like to do the washing & shampoo because she is still little and kind of ineffectual at it.
I might be muttering something like "Mommy don't play dat!" or "You mess with the bull, you get the horns." Also there might be a tickle monster who likes to eat little kids who don't take their shower (and then turn out the lights.) DH tells me it's cruel but he is never the one to enforce bathtime or bedtime. Seriously he can get them to do their homework but if I were not there they would be filthy and stay up til 11.

[Anonymous]

This is a power struggle. That's all. he knows you are a single mom he knows Dad is far away, he knows he can push your puttons and you let him. Holding the door closed? WTF. Get in there, strip him, put him in a nice warm shower and scrub him down gently. Asd you do it tell him he is lucky he has a mommy who cares enough to make sure he is nice and clean. Seriously. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I was responsible for my own bathtime. Nobody to make sure my ears were clean. You can tell him, I had a friend who had no mommy and...
We had a practice - if a kid did not cooperate we would take them out of the bath and soap them right there on the bathroom rug (which is cold and embarassing) then put them back to rinse them off. I would say "Do you want to do this the hard way or the easy way?" Then next time they acted up you have that verbal reminder.

[Anonymous]

People are pretty stupid. This is why spanking was invented. Now you have let it go too far because you've been too permissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I have to force you in the shower trust me it will be ice cold. Talk about a kid screaming bloody murder. Never happened again though.

This. Also the lock the bathroom door thing obviously isn;t working and it is a huge waste of your time. Start counting down from 10.

[Anonymous]

His reaction sounds pretty extreme, beyond just being stubborn. Any chance he has anxiety or something happened in the tub in the past (slipped and fell, etc)? I don't run to the pediatrician for every little thing, but in this case, I might see what the dr has to say. It's awful for you to have this battle at the end of a long day, and imagine how stressful it must be for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His reaction sounds pretty extreme, beyond just being stubborn. Any chance he has anxiety or something happened in the tub in the past (slipped and fell, etc)? I don't run to the pediatrician for every little thing, but in this case, I might see what the dr has to say. It's awful for you to have this battle at the end of a long day, and imagine how stressful it must be for him.

Have you read the whole thread? When he was showering every day and it was a part of a routine it was fine. He just doesn't want to.

OP - make your kid shower every day (and get him some lotion). Hygiene is not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His reaction sounds pretty extreme, beyond just being stubborn. Any chance he has anxiety or something happened in the tub in the past (slipped and fell, etc)? I don't run to the pediatrician for every little thing, but in this case, I might see what the dr has to say. It's awful for you to have this battle at the end of a long day, and imagine how stressful it must be for him.

Have you read the whole thread? When he was showering every day and it was a part of a routine it was fine. He just doesn't want to.

OP - make your kid shower every day (and get him some lotion). Hygiene is not an option.

Thanks. HE SHOWERED TODAY. While I made sandwiches for dinner. No whining.

Telling him this morning that he had to without fighting or he would lose privileges worked. For now.

I did tell him that I would buy him baby shampoo that doesn't sting his eyes, because he hates that, so he didn't wash his hair tonight. But no whining, and he did it by himself, including getting the water on and the right temp.

So now I just have to hold the line, and while I expect a few struggles along the way, hopefully its nothing major.

[Anonymous]

Was it always a routine? Is this new? Did he once take a shower no problem and this is now a turn of events?

We did nightly bathes literally since my kids were a few weeks old. It was every night and part of the routine.

They would literally go up and get in the tub by themselves if it we got home late at night and I tried to make them skip it.

They are both in the tub (different tubs post-soccer practice now. 3rd and 5th graders.

Kids are weird. Apparently, I was called pig-pen by my siblings/parents for awhile because I went through a phase like your son and didn't want to take one. I couldnt tell you why either.

My husband told me that his brother and he would lie that they had taken their shower- but they just turn it on and not get in. She was rise to that quick.

[Anonymous]

Stop his world. Doesn't matter if he goes to bed at 6 pm or if he misses supper. He doesn't need birthday parties, play dates, toys, tv or iPad. Everything stops until you get compliance. Don't beg, don't bribe, don't nag. Don't negotiate. Simple directions, simple explanation about expectations and consequences, then the less said the better. Follow through every single time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not fear. Really. He loves being sprayed by the hose (in the summer when we're trying to cool off), he loves water guns, he loves swimming and getting splashed. It's really and truly not fear.

And he does have currency, if only a temporary one. No more Harry Potter until he showers without complaining. And no taking the books to school.

It feels really shitty to take away reading, but if that's what it takes, then that's what we do.

Take him to an indoor pool a couple nights a week. The chlorine will clean him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not fear. Really. He loves being sprayed by the hose (in the summer when we're trying to cool off), he loves water guns, he loves swimming and getting splashed. It's really and truly not fear.

And he does have currency, if only a temporary one. No more Harry Potter until he showers without complaining. And no taking the books to school.

It feels really shitty to take away reading, but if that's what it takes, then that's what we do.

Take him to an indoor pool a couple nights a week. The chlorine will clean him.

No no no. My sister thought that was enough in the summer. Ugh chlorine smell....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop his world. Doesn't matter if he goes to bed at 6 pm or if he misses supper. He doesn't need birthday parties, play dates, toys, tv or iPad. Everything stops until you get compliance. Don't beg, don't bribe, don't nag. Don't negotiate. Simple directions, simple explanation about expectations and consequences, then the less said the better. Follow through every single time.

Yeah, this would be me. I don't have the energy for a nightly struggle though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there no father in the picture?

Dad's role here is to say:

"Get in the fucking shower, NOW, and don't come out until you're clean!"

I odnt understand why people dont read the OP. She said she is a single Mom!

I don't know why mom can't say that. I wouldn't say "fuck". But if I say get in the shower, my kids sure as hell better get in the damn shower. They are far, far from perfect but they would never flat out refuse to do what I asked. I think maybe this is the kind of parenting that needs to start at 2, not 7.

You've NEVER had a kid refuse to do what you said? I'm impressed. What kind of consequences did you have when they were little that was so effective?? Teach me, oh wise anonymous stranger.

My kid is the same. Consequences are easy, all kids test the limits, so for mine it is no iPad or no going to the fun place later if you can't behave while we do errands, things like that. She knows I mean. For the OP's kid, she needs to find what works. I'd probably just take away books. For a kid that loves to read, it would be a real punishment and he'd get bored. No way I'd want to deal with a smelly kid.

[Anonymous]

My child with anxiety doesn't like to shower. I think he is lonely by himself, he sometimes asks me to sit in the room with him while he's in there.