Boy who refuses to shower

[Anonymous]

WTF?! I just spent AN HOUR holding the bathroom door shut waiting for my stubborn and ridiculous child to get undressed so I could help him shower (he hates baths and showers - no a bath won't help, and no he's not afraid of water). I finally got angry waiting and went into the bathroom, forcibly removed his clothing and yelled at him to get in the shower. Then e screamed and cried the entire 5 minutes he was in there and was SO MAD that he had to shower.

I tried really hard to be patient while I waited for him to give up, but his snarky retorts (I'm going to be tired of you don't let me go to bed, you have to give up eventually, I'm NOT taking a shower) finally got me.

HOW do you get a child to SHOWER?? He was so dirty you could literally see dirt on his limbs. It was gross, and he was starting to smell.

Bribery doesn't work (one prize doesn't work, he wants like 20), he's highly manipulative, and so goddammed tired of shower night. And yes, he got that dirty because I don't want to spend my evenings fighting with him over showers. It takes forever and makes me angry every single time.

And I'm single. So don't suggest I ask my husband.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered trying a different time of day? Allowing him to pick out shower products? Does he give you a reason why he doesn't want to shower?

[Anonymous]

How old is he? Has he told you WHY he does not like to shower?

[Anonymous]

What about natural consequences? I mean, do his friends tell him he smells bad? Does he ever say anything about that?

[Anonymous]

A long time ago, I read the exact same problem on DCUM. Apparently you are not alone, OP, or else you posted years ago.

I would first physically force him to shower. I would also make sure that he has a set routine for mealtimes and bedtime and that he gets enough sleep, healthy food and exercise. I would be very strict with everything.

Then if the behavior persists, I would take him to a pediatric psychologist.

[Anonymous]

I would first ask him why and see if that he is simply too tired at that time of day to shower.

I'd also set a timer and say okay 5 minutes in the shower and then we can do xyz or maybe a sticker chart. You say he wants prizes but mah e ask him what would be a great prize if he showered 5 days in a row?

You can also make it into a game. See how quickly he can get his nightly routine done

[Anonymous]

Op here. He's 7 (2nd grade). I would just wait, and let him stink, but (we're white, and pretty pale) his limbs were literally brown with dirt.

He eats healthy, won't tell me why he hates showers (they're at night because mornings we don't have the time - we leave the house at 6:30 and I don't have an hour plus to fight over the shower). He sleeps well, literally this is the ONE behavior struggle were having right now. And I avoid the shower until he's literally so dirty or stinky that I can't put it off anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He's 7 (2nd grade). I would just wait, and let him stink, but (we're white, and pretty pale) his limbs were literally brown with dirt.

He eats healthy, won't tell me why he hates showers (they're at night because mornings we don't have the time - we leave the house at 6:30 and I don't have an hour plus to fight over the shower). He sleeps well, literally this is the ONE behavior struggle were having right now. And I avoid the shower until he's literally so dirty or stinky that I can't put it off anymore.

How does he feel about bubble baths?

[Anonymous]

Op back. He hates baths too, and to kind of moot because the water plug doesn't work very well and I haven't bought a new drain stopper. Basically, if there is water and soap invoked he's completely opposed and a fight ensues.

[Anonymous]

I would take away privileges and get him in a routine where he showers earlier- maybe when he gets home from school, or right after dinner? Is he willing to wipe off daily with a washcloth? What time does he get home? He may be tired. Out the door at 6:30a everyday is early.

[Anonymous]

Do you have time earlier in the evening? My shower resistant child loves his iPad time and he knows he doesn't get any until after his shower. And if he spends too much time refusing to shower, we'll run out of time for the iPad. I genuinely and truly don't care -- he gets iPad time or he doesn't, doesn't hurt me, so it takes the power dynamic out, which helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

How often does he wash then? Maybe you need to force him to shower every single day to habituate him!
Get him to stay in the bath and read something. Give him a snack in the bath. Try to do all the things he loves to do, within reason. Give him a waterproof video game or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op back. He hates baths too, and to kind of moot because the water plug doesn't work very well and I haven't bought a new drain stopper. Basically, if there is water and soap invoked he's completely opposed and a fight ensues.

That's tough. Is there something he really, really, really wants? Start a reward system that is tied to this and he can work towards his role.

[Anonymous]

I have a fear of water and never bathed or showered as a kid. I used a wet washcloth in front of the sink. Like no shit, four times a year. If I smelled nobody ever told me that. I didn't start showering until about 7th or 8th grade, and only every other day. I'm white and pale too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a fear of water and never bathed or showered as a kid. I used a wet washcloth in front of the sink. Like no shit, four times a year. If I smelled nobody ever told me that. I didn't start showering until about 7th or 8th grade, and only every other day. I'm white and pale too.

OP here. My kid loves the swimming pool. This is NOT a fear of water. It may be fear of soap. But don't project your fear of water when I already wrote that it's not fear related.