Boy who refuses to shower
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Anonymous
| My son was still taking nightly bubble baths with a tub full of toys at 7 and had to be bribed to get out. Have you tried to make it a pleasant experience? I just can't imagine what you describe. The bath was at least an hour. I had to bribe him to get OUT of the tub with we wouldn't be able to read as many books. This was the highlight of my sons day. Do you have the bath foam, crayons, colors for the water, bubbles....anything??! |
Anonymous
| Perhaps he just finds the monotony of this routine boring? I'm an adult and I absolutely hate brushing my teeth so I've developed a system that gets me through the tedious task. I have a system for bathing also. This way instead of getting frustrated about having to do a boring routine everyday for the rest of my life and feeling that I would rather gouge out my owns eyes, I'm just mindlessly going through each extremely small part of my routine. |
Anonymous
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There are many books for kids on this topic. We just read a good one "101 Reasons I'm not taking a Bath" also love "The pigeon needs a bath." Couldn't hurt to get these from the library to see if it opens up communication or helps your son realize he is being ridiculous. (Both end up liking baths in the end)
https://www.amazon.com/101-Reasons-Why-Taking-Bath/dp/0375973656 https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1423190874/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474015895&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=pigeon+bath&dpPl=1&dpID=51B3ewuwafL&ref=plSrch |
Anonymous
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I can't imagine an hour-long standoff resulting in a forcible de-dressing. WTF.
If anger isn't working, then reward. |
Anonymous
It's always the same thing. He HATES showering. He hates bathing in general. If he knows that it's shower night he will go up without being asked and do the entire bedtime routine himself just so that he can say that he's all ready so he can't shower that night. He will run away. He will sit in the bathroom for hours (yes, even on a weekend morning, even if there are other things he wants todo that day). To the PP who said bathtime had all kinds of toys? Does not work with my kid. Period. Those things work the first night I use them, but he hates baths as much as showers. These bathtime/shower time standoff a have been happening since he was 3. Which is why I try to avoid them. I got him into a nightly routing last year that worked well, but then in winter his skin dries out so nightly showers are not really ok. So then after we stopped doing it nightly, we went back in time to stand offs and screaming matches. I really and truly don't understand. |
Anonymous
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6 yo DD is similar. She will sneak toys in he bathroom and play behind a locked door for a long time when she is supposed to be getting undressed. We've had the nights of forced showers with her yelling. I think she'd rather be doing other things. I refuse to bribe or reward for this.
It helps us to have her immediately get in when we walk in the door. It's about 5:30 and yes, the kids are hungry but a quick shower takes less than 5 min. Many nights we still have to go out again for a practice or lesson in the evening but at least she's getting one in at some point. Sometimes we skip a day. |
Anonymous
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If it's the soap, will he shower without it? Water alone will get rid of a lot of grime.
Do you have a detachable shower head and hose, so he can lower the water? I wonder if it's having it come down on his head that bugs him. Can you ask him at a non shower time why he hates showering so much? Is he scared to be alone? Can you offer to sit in the bathroom til he's done? Or just outside the door? My kid at 9 is still certain something lurks behind the curtain. |
Anonymous
Op, that sounds incredibly frustrating. It sounds like you need help. Schedule a consultation appointment with your pediatrician and tell him that since he's not bathing you have to check to make sure he's still healthy. Send your pedi the message ahead of time what's going on, maybe that doc can convince your son that he has to bathe to not get infections. And if it doesn't work, then I would consider seeing a psychologist. Basic hygiene is super important. I know you don't have a lot of spare time, but putting forth a few appointments now may save you years of hassle. |
Anonymous
| If I have to force you in the shower trust me it will be ice cold. Talk about a kid screaming bloody murder. Never happened again though. |
Anonymous
OP here. Great idea. My son has been made aware that he will shower every day, or lose all privileges. Including his friends birthday tomorrow and field trips with school. I'm done fighting over showers. He is also responsible for loading last nights dinner dishes into the dishwasher because I had to fight with him for an hour rather than clean up. He will either figure it out, or his life will suck. |
Anonymous
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He needs to take a shower every single night. With soap. Twice a week is honestly gross. It's not an option. If you have to force him, then he goes to bed as soon as he gets out. No supper (give him a quick, healthy snack when y'all get home) No reading. Nothing. Bed. Lights out.
You are the parent. You'll be dealing with much, much worse in a few years if you don't get this under control. When my kids were little, I could have asked them to take a shower five minuets after they got out of the shower. They would have asked why. I would have said because I said so. They would have been mad, but they would have done it. Kids do not get to refuse to do what you ask. Period. (Of course, if he has an exceptionality it's different, but you didn't mention that.) |
Anonymous
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I don't have many answers for you, OP, other than perhaps it could be a sensory issue? My 6 year old loves the pool, getting into sprinklers, hoses, etc. but really disliked the shower. I know he has some sensory issues with water (doesn't like getting his hands wet other than the above mentioned activities). I also don't know if the shower head being so high was intimidating. He takes showers now (though doesn't like it particularly) and what helps is getting an all in one body wash/shampoo that easily and quickly washes off. He uses Babyganics in the pump bottle- easy to access and rinses quickly. I keep his hair shortish so there's less to wash. He can literally be out of the shower in 2 mins.
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Anonymous
You seem to have an authoritarian approach to life-how's that working for you? Have you tried sitting down with your son during a non shower time and calmly discussing the problem and brainstorming solutions together? |
Anonymous
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Is there no father in the picture?
Dad's role here is to say: "Get in the fucking shower, NOW, and don't come out until you're clean!" |
Anonymous
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I have one of those boys who don't like to shower. They don't want to miss the fun with friends or with anything else. I think he's just too tired by the end of the day.
However, I taught him how to shower since kindergarten. It took a few weeks. I wouldn't drag your kid and force him to shower because it does no good for him or for you. It becomes frustrating and anger would only be displaced onto the kid and they will pick up all these. Being a single parent, you have to teach him some stuff he needs to do on his own which will alleviate some of your tasks. From showering to making sandwiches and putting your dirty clothes in a basket. So, you may want to take the time to teach him to shower on his own. Move the shower time earlier. If you prepare dinner, he should be showering. Shower should not last too long. I told my son, 5 minutes is all you need. Maybe up to 7 minutes if I'm in a good mood. Start with the head and work your way down. There's no playing. Set a timer that goes off once as a warning you have 1 minute left. And the final alarm means you need to get out or I'm turning the water off for you. I try to put on a silly face and play with my kid saying, man, your feet stink. Get those stinky feet off me. Your armpit stinks too. Time for shower boy. Let's make it quick so we can have a delicious dinner. I try not to take reading time away because that's important for kids. |