Repulsed by role playing idea

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're making an effort. For something that might hit a similar nerve for him, could you try college/grad student and professor? That might capture some of the innocence he associates with cheerleader while not reminding you too much of your friend's kids. Or, do the cheerleader thing but make it specific to a pro team he likes, so the cheerleaders are of age and you are thinking about Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders not neighborhood teens.

It's a very normal fantasy on DHs part, so don't worry about anything there. But you should find something that you are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, I have not told him it repulsed me. I told him I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it. I guess it is because we have a few HS-age friends of my daughter's who are cheerleaders and I wonder if the fantasy has something to do with that. I told him I can do a French maid getup, a hot nurse, etc., but this cheerleader thing feels wrong to me with these girls around here.

I try hard to appease him and want to allow him to feel comfortable discussing with me. So I will try to arrive at a different fantasy costume we could explore that I would be comfortable with

So I'm going to disagree with almost every (every? Yep, I guess so) poster here and say nope. Nope nope nope. OP, if you're not comfortable with this whole cheerleader business, that's OK. Don't do it. And I get your explanation about feeling an association between the fantasy and your daughter's friends. Is this what your husband thinks? Hopefully not, and probably not. But this whole thread of lambasting you...you're wrecking your marriage, you're shaming your husband, and (my personal favorite) "your marriage is done and you don't even know it yet", is some ridiculously bad advice and really inappropriate pressure on you to do something you're very clear that you don't want to do.

So don't do it. It sounds like you love your husband, you're open to discussing sexuality, you're cool with other role-playing fantasies. Great. Go for it and have fun. Usually when there's consensus on DCUM there's some truth there. But this "omg you have to do it or you're a prude/idiot/about to be single" is off base and antiquated. Your husband's sexual desires don't trump your comfort level. There's a middle ground. Find it and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, I have not told him it repulsed me. I told him I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it. I guess it is because we have a few HS-age friends of my daughter's who are cheerleaders and I wonder if the fantasy has something to do with that. I told him I can do a French maid getup, a hot nurse, etc., but this cheerleader thing feels wrong to me with these girls around here.

I try hard to appease him and want to allow him to feel comfortable discussing with me. So I will try to arrive at a different fantasy costume we could explore that I would be comfortable with

So I'm going to disagree with almost every (every? Yep, I guess so) poster here and say nope. Nope nope nope. OP, if you're not comfortable with this whole cheerleader business, that's OK. Don't do it. And I get your explanation about feeling an association between the fantasy and your daughter's friends. Is this what your husband thinks? Hopefully not, and probably not. But this whole thread of lambasting you...you're wrecking your marriage, you're shaming your husband, and (my personal favorite) "your marriage is done and you don't even know it yet", is some ridiculously bad advice and really inappropriate pressure on you to do something you're very clear that you don't want to do.

So don't do it. It sounds like you love your husband, you're open to discussing sexuality, you're cool with other role-playing fantasies. Great. Go for it and have fun. Usually when there's consensus on DCUM there's some truth there. But this "omg you have to do it or you're a prude/idiot/about to be single" is off base and antiquated. Your husband's sexual desires don't trump your comfort level. There's a middle ground. Find it and enjoy.

Exactly. If you give in on this, God knows what he'll want next.

[Anonymous]

I'm 7:11, and I don't think the problem is "what he'll want next". I highly doubt the guy will go from cheerleader fantasy directly to necrophilia. The issue is she doesn't want to do it. The end. And that's enough of a reason to say no. It doesn't sound like she's uninterested in sex, or discussion, or even other role playing fantasies. But not that one. And this "omg SHE HAS TO DO IT" business is bizarre and minimizes her agency in the relationship. She's entitled to her preferences, as is her DH. There's a compromise in there somewhere. Last I checked, there's a lot of that in a healthy marriage and sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 7:11, and I don't think the problem is "what he'll want next". I highly doubt the guy will go from cheerleader fantasy directly to necrophilia. The issue is she doesn't want to do it. The end. And that's enough of a reason to say no. It doesn't sound like she's uninterested in sex, or discussion, or even other role playing fantasies. But not that one. And this "omg SHE HAS TO DO IT" business is bizarre and minimizes her agency in the relationship. She's entitled to her preferences, as is her DH. There's a compromise in there somewhere. Last I checked, there's a lot of that in a healthy marriage and sex life.

She doesn't have to do anything. The point is that when presented with a dumb, harmless request like wearing a cheerleader outfit and a little roleplaying, you should do it. Her discomfort with a very normal, tame fantasy signals that she may have some pretty deep-seated sexual issues.

A good sexual partner is good, giving and game. A partner should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything within reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, I have not told him it repulsed me. I told him I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it. I guess it is because we have a few HS-age friends of my daughter's who are cheerleaders and I wonder if the fantasy has something to do with that. I told him I can do a French maid getup, a hot nurse, etc., but this cheerleader thing feels wrong to me with these girls around here.

I try hard to appease him and want to allow him to feel comfortable discussing with me. So I will try to arrive at a different fantasy costume we could explore that I would be comfortable with

I understand your reluctance, but just in case you decide to try to compromise here, you can look up the costumes for the professional cheerleaders of his favorite football team and go for that outfit. There is nothing teenage about say, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders (to pick the most famous ones). They may look young, but none of them look like teenagers. (there may be a couple of 18 or 19 year olds, but even they don't look like teenagers).

[Anonymous]

OP, even if your husband's fantasy was evoked by the young girls in cheerleading outfits, he still wants to see YOU in the outfit and have sex with YOU.

Maybe seeing the young girls brought back an adolescent feeling in himself that roused him.

By participating in this with him you are not condoning him leering after young girls. In fact, you are strengthening is sexual and romantic tie to YOU, his not-teenage wife.

[Anonymous]

My wife loves what she calls "Sexcretary's Day", it's harmless dress up where she gets seduced by her boss, she tends to enjoy a similar scenarios like debtor and IRS agent, intern and CEO but one where I had a trouble getting into character was home invasion. By the way OP, the secretary role-play thing was my idea to start with, once it was out of my system it was out and I saw no need to make it a daily thing, she was the one who loved it and it's become something we do maybe every few months.

My wife is an excellent, giving lover but she was not 100% on board when I suggested role-play, she was quite reluctant actually, after maybe a year of my occasional suggestion we did it; now she is the one to arrange our play dates.

Try it, you might like it. Once you try it and you don't like it then don't do it again. But I feel you owe it to yourself to see how fulfilling your sexual relationship can be, after all, this is all you're getting till it's over.

[Anonymous]

You would shudder to hear how my DH and I role play.

Just sayin.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have to do anything. The point is that when presented with a dumb, harmless request like wearing a cheerleader outfit and a little roleplaying, you should do it. Her discomfort with a very normal, tame fantasy signals that she may have some pretty deep-seated sexual issues.

You realize these are contradictory statements, right? I'll repeat myself. She doesn't have to do it. She just doesn't.

Also, "deep-seated sexual issues". Lol to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would shudder to hear how my DH and I role play.

Just sayin.

But I bet you're both into it, right? That's the difference here.

[Anonymous]

Put on that cheer leader outfit and tell him you've been
Nauty for missing so many practices....

[Anonymous]

No one --no one -- should ever have to do something they are not comfortable with sexually. Period. That has the potential to do way more damage than fulfilling some deep-seated cheerleader fantasy. Sounds like she is open to other ideas. He should be thankful for that and find one that works.
Afte

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS. I suspect you hate strippers, boob jobs, false eyelashes, thong tan lines .. Or anything else men lust after.


Real men gotta have it and gonna get it.

What kind of classy men do you hang around?

Sex is dirty. That's the point .

Men are not into "classy" sex. That's just reality .
.

Real men just need 2 boobs and an ass. Men with issues always need something new. Probably watched too much porn or have libido issues they like to blame on their wife.

My BFF (male) said all I need is 1 boob and some ass, his wife had a mastectomy ... Like really, he does not give a shit, this men are visual stuff is for p_$$$ies. Grow a pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 7:11, and I don't think the problem is "what he'll want next". I highly doubt the guy will go from cheerleader fantasy directly to necrophilia. The issue is she doesn't want to do it. The end. And that's enough of a reason to say no. It doesn't sound like she's uninterested in sex, or discussion, or even other role playing fantasies. But not that one. And this "omg SHE HAS TO DO IT" business is bizarre and minimizes her agency in the relationship. She's entitled to her preferences, as is her DH. There's a compromise in there somewhere. Last I checked, there's a lot of that in a healthy marriage and sex life.

She doesn't have to do anything. The point is that when presented with a dumb, harmless request like wearing a cheerleader outfit and a little roleplaying, you should do it. Her discomfort with a very normal, tame fantasy signals that she may have some pretty deep-seated sexual issues.

A good sexual partner is good, giving and game. A partner should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything within reason.

Actually, when a woman says no to something she does not like and you hear "sexual issues" I think, wow, men who can't hear no is a HuGE sign of sexual issues. It's okay for a woman to say no, it is not a sexual issue, it is normal. Not being able to hear no is a big problem. Seek help.