Repulsed by role playing idea

[Anonymous]

Fantasy is fantasy. It's not reality.

If I fantasize about Ryan Reynolds, does that mean I want to hop on a plane and get between him and Blake Lively? Hell No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH says he wants to spice up our sex life with costumes. He wants me to be a cheerleader. I find this idea repulsive. Is he thinking of teenagers? I told him I will do sexy lingerie, but no way any cheerleader stuff. Am I being unreasonable?

You are not being a good sexual partner. "Cheerleader"" is the mildest, most vanilla fantasy around.

Name some others, please.

Vanilla fantasies:

1. Professor/student
2. Watching
3. Being watched
4. Call girl and client
5. Boss and employee
6. Fireman or cop and whoever
7. Stripper and audience member
8. Light bondage
9. Blindfolds
10. Being dominated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH says he wants to spice up our sex life with costumes. He wants me to be a cheerleader. I find this idea repulsive. Is he thinking of teenagers? I told him I will do sexy lingerie, but no way any cheerleader stuff. Am I being unreasonable?

You are not being a good sexual partner. "Cheerleader"" is the mildest, most vanilla fantasy around.

Name some others, please.

Vanilla fantasies:

1. Professor/student
2. Watching
3. Being watched
4. Call girl and client
5. Boss and employee
6. Fireman or cop and whoever
7. Stripper and audience member
8. Light bondage
9. Blindfolds
10. Being dominated

I meant the not vanilla ones...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheerleaders don't have to be teenagers. You know there are professional cheerleaders as well? Take a few shots of tequila and put on the costume.

Also, sexy lingerie doesn't sound like role playing. As another PP suggested, is there any other role you don't find repulsive?

Story from two years ago...

NP here, and I have nothing against the cheerleader fantasy, but let's be real: when people fantasize about cheerleaders, they are probably not envisioning a 40-year-old.

But that's a nice story and all, if not a clever marketing ploy to attract more female fans who fit the 40-year-old's demographic.

See, now that's out in public - that's embarrassing. Once you have kids at home your boobies really should only be shaking around in private..

In that top? Her boobs are strapped down like a mattress on top of a station wagon. Doubt they're doing much shaking at all.

I think she looks gorgeous and she can do what she likes with her body....whether or not she has kids at home.

OP it's really not repulsive what he asked of you. If it makes you feel better get one that's clearly from a college and pretend you are a Senior about to graduate. Maybe he could pretend to be the genius professor or something. Sounds fun!
-a 41 yo DW

Ha ha, I'm the one whose husband won't do fantasies, but he IS the genius professor - I'll go tell him ...
It's just one big drawn out fantasy life I guess..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

That's right ladies you better do whatever your man wants and never hint that it isn't something you wouldn't enjoy.

Know your role!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

That's right ladies you better do whatever your man wants and never hint that it isn't something you wouldn't enjoy.

Know your role!

No one said that. It's the shaming and judgment from the op that people are saying are destructive. Maybe if you weren't defensive, you'd see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

That's right ladies you better do whatever your man wants and never hint that it isn't something you wouldn't enjoy.

Know your role!

Grow up.

"Good, giving and game" works both ways. Both partners (regardless of gender) should be open to hearing their partner's fantasies. If the fantasy is not something that is physically difficult or morally repulsive (children, animals, necrophilia, rape), they should consider it. Either way, no shaming someone for fessing up to a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

Why is SHE being destructive? A man has a fantasy, and if his wife doesn't want to comply, so he finds someone online to satisfy him -- and you think DW is destructive??!
You ought to look at it from a different perspective!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

Why is SHE being destructive? A man has a fantasy, and if his wife doesn't want to comply, so he finds someone online to satisfy him -- and you think DW is destructive??!
You ought to look at it from a different perspective!

DW responded to a normal part of his sexuality with "Oh, gross!" That is emotionally destructive.

[Anonymous]

This is a bad match. If a man asked for a fantasy and the woman has zero desire to fulfil it , the partnership is shallow and not too much admiration. Ladies and men that are repulsed by sexual fantasy and the things that are easily possible need to find each other and couple up. People who like dirty sex and have admiration enough to please need to couple up.

This marriage is done. Op just doesn't know it yet. There is a lack of respect of the man. Don't know enough if it goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheerleaders don't have to be teenagers. You know there are professional cheerleaders as well? Take a few shots of tequila and put on the costume.

Also, sexy lingerie doesn't sound like role playing. As another PP suggested, is there any other role you don't find repulsive?

Story from two years ago...

NP here, and I have nothing against the cheerleader fantasy, but let's be real: when people fantasize about cheerleaders, they are probably not envisioning a 40-year-old.

But that's a nice story and all, if not a clever marketing ploy to attract more female fans who fit the 40-year-old's demographic.

I dissent. My DW is 43 and I fantasize about her all the time, even after 15 years of marriage and three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

Another DH who had a very common fantasy shot down by my wife, with a "that's weird" attached. Rest assured, I stopped sharing fantasies. I found someone online who has the same reciprocal fantasy so it's a safe outlet although the temptation to meet irl is strong.

Op, I don't think you realize how destructive you are being to your relationship

Why is SHE being destructive? A man has a fantasy, and if his wife doesn't want to comply, so he finds someone online to satisfy him -- and you think DW is destructive??!
You ought to look at it from a different perspective!

Pay no attention to the MRA trolls.

[Anonymous]

OP here. First of all, I have not told him it repulsed me. I told him I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it. I guess it is because we have a few HS-age friends of my daughter's who are cheerleaders and I wonder if the fantasy has something to do with that. I told him I can do a French maid getup, a hot nurse, etc., but this cheerleader thing feels wrong to me with these girls around here.

I try hard to appease him and want to allow him to feel comfortable discussing with me. So I will try to arrive at a different fantasy costume we could explore that I would be comfortable with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, I have not told him it repulsed me. I told him I wasn't sure I was comfortable with it. I guess it is because we have a few HS-age friends of my daughter's who are cheerleaders and I wonder if the fantasy has something to do with that. I told him I can do a French maid getup, a hot nurse, etc., but this cheerleader thing feels wrong to me with these girls around here.

I try hard to appease him and want to allow him to feel comfortable discussing with me. So I will try to arrive at a different fantasy costume we could explore that I would be comfortable with

Do the cheerleader costume. Just Suprise him. Saying you won't do it because some of your daughters friends are cheerleaders is shaming him. Besides... So what? I can't think of a worse hill struggle over.

[Anonymous]

So it's like this op. Sometime both people's fantasy line up. Most time it does not but you do the other person thing one time and next time do your thing.