Repulsed by role playing idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a DH whose wife reacted very negatively when I tried to share fantasies, I can tell you that he will find a way to explore them with or without you. I would posit that the more vehemently you reject him for his fantasies, the more threatening to your marriage his outlet will be. The man bared his soul to you and you shut him down and basically told him he is a deviant.

What could possibly go wrong?

+1. I've always told my wife that when it comes to sex, I'm always going to invite her first.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Actually, when a woman says no to something she does not like and you hear "sexual issues" I think, wow, men who can't hear no is a HuGE sign of sexual issues. It's okay for a woman to say no, it is not a sexual issue, it is normal. Not being able to hear no is a big problem. Seek help.

THANK YOU. The entire direction of this thread became disturbing, fast. I'm glad others spoke up.

[Anonymous]

Two salient points that seem to have gotten lost in the usual DCUM war between the sexes:

1) Nobody should ever fell obligated to do something sexually they are uncomfortable with or simply don't want to do.

2) If your spouse decides to open up to you about something as deeply personal as his/her sexuality and you react negatively you should probably expect that to affect the way the feel about you. Intimacy is about trusting that your spouse will listen without judgment, negativity or shaming.

Quiz: Which of the two responses to a husband's request that his wife dress up like a cheerleader is more likely to do harm to the relationship?

1) You sicko perv! God, you're so weird!

2) I'm sorry, sweetie, that makes me uncomfortable. Can we talk about doing something we both enjoy instead?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's disgusting, but I think it's dumb LOL I sure hope it's a fluke, and not all adult men want teenage girls.

[Anonymous]

I seriously can not act. I would suck at this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two salient points that seem to have gotten lost in the usual DCUM war between the sexes:

1) Nobody should ever fell obligated to do something sexually they are uncomfortable with or simply don't want to do.

2) If your spouse decides to open up to you about something as deeply personal as his/her sexuality and you react negatively you should probably expect that to affect the way the feel about you. Intimacy is about trusting that your spouse will listen without judgment, negativity or shaming.

Quiz: Which of the two responses to a husband's request that his wife dress up like a cheerleader is more likely to do harm to the relationship?

1) You sicko perv! God, you're so weird!

2) I'm sorry, sweetie, that makes me uncomfortable. Can we talk about doing something we both enjoy instead?

And for something as vanilla as role play/costumes/etc., a little validation of normalcy might be nice, as in, "(2) I'm sorry, sweetie, I know that's something a lot of people do, but it's not something for me. How would you feel about.... [insert your own fantasy here, because hearing your fantasy will probably turn him on just because you're telling him something that turns you on.]"

That way you're expressly acknowledging that you DON'T think he's weird or a pervert, and you're continuing the conversation in a way that will work for both of you.

OTOH, if he'd said, "Honey there's this video about two girls and a cup..." THEN you can say that's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously can not act. I would suck at this stuff.

Get a little drunk first. And, seriously, just think about what would turn you on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two salient points that seem to have gotten lost in the usual DCUM war between the sexes:

1) Nobody should ever fell obligated to do something sexually they are uncomfortable with or simply don't want to do.

2) If your spouse decides to open up to you about something as deeply personal as his/her sexuality and you react negatively you should probably expect that to affect the way the feel about you. Intimacy is about trusting that your spouse will listen without judgment, negativity or shaming.

Quiz: Which of the two responses to a husband's request that his wife dress up like a cheerleader is more likely to do harm to the relationship?

1) You sicko perv! God, you're so weird!

2) I'm sorry, sweetie, that makes me uncomfortable. Can we talk about doing something we both enjoy instead?

And for something as vanilla as role play/costumes/etc., a little validation of normalcy might be nice, as in, "(2) I'm sorry, sweetie, I know that's something a lot of people do, but it's not something for me. How would you feel about.... [insert your own fantasy here, because hearing your fantasy will probably turn him on just because you're telling him something that turns you on.]"

That way you're expressly acknowledging that you DON'T think he's weird or a pervert, and you're continuing the conversation in a way that will work for both of you.

OTOH, if he'd said, "Honey there's this video about two girls and a cup..." THEN you can say that's disgusting.

That is disgusting.

No feces, no children, no dead things, no animals.

Just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 7:11, and I don't think the problem is "what he'll want next". I highly doubt the guy will go from cheerleader fantasy directly to necrophilia. The issue is she doesn't want to do it. The end. And that's enough of a reason to say no. It doesn't sound like she's uninterested in sex, or discussion, or even other role playing fantasies. But not that one. And this "omg SHE HAS TO DO IT" business is bizarre and minimizes her agency in the relationship. She's entitled to her preferences, as is her DH. There's a compromise in there somewhere. Last I checked, there's a lot of that in a healthy marriage and sex life.

She doesn't have to do anything. The point is that when presented with a dumb, harmless request like wearing a cheerleader outfit and a little roleplaying, you should do it. Her discomfort with a very normal, tame fantasy signals that she may have some pretty deep-seated sexual issues.

A good sexual partner is good, giving and game. A partner should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything within reason.

Actually, when a woman says no to something she does not like and you hear "sexual issues" I think, wow, men who can't hear no is a HuGE sign of sexual issues. It's okay for a woman to say no, it is not a sexual issue, it is normal. Not being able to hear no is a big problem. Seek help.

Nice try, but I'm not a man.

It goes both ways. Men also need to be good, giving and game.

Example: Is yoru wife having a really good time reading 50 Shades of Gray? You might want to check that out and ask her about incorporating some light roleplay in your bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Nice try, but I'm not a man.

It goes both ways. Men also need to be good, giving and game.

Example: Is yoru wife having a really good time reading 50 Shades of Gray? You might want to check that out and ask her about incorporating some light roleplay in your bedroom.

You don't have to be a man to be unclear on what "no" means.

As evidenced by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nice try, but I'm not a man.

It goes both ways. Men also need to be good, giving and game.

Example: Is yoru wife having a really good time reading 50 Shades of Gray? You might want to check that out and ask her about incorporating some light roleplay in your bedroom.

You don't have to be a man to be unclear on what "no" means.

As evidenced by you.

You sound very young. You have to compromise on lots of things, including sex, to make a long term relationship work. You don't get your way all the time. in a good relationship, you take turns. I fulfill a fantasy for you. You fulfill a fantasy for me. We figure out a fantasy that we both want to do and do that.

The question isn't her right to say "no," but whether she should say "no" to something that is harmless and takes such little effort on her part.

[Anonymous]

If my dw asked me to do something, I'd try it at least once. Pretty much regardless of what I felt about it. She deserves my love and respect and I know she would never ask me to do something that would be bad for me. It's her right as my wife to ask me to engage her fantasy.

If I tried it and didn't like it, I'd talk to her about it in a loving, non confrontational way. Find something that works for both of us.

[Anonymous]

You sound very young. You have to compromise on lots of things, including sex, to make a long term relationship work. You don't get your way all the time. in a good relationship, you take turns. I fulfill a fantasy for you. You fulfill a fantasy for me. We figure out a fantasy that we both want to do and do that.

The question isn't her right to say "no," but whether she should say "no" to something that is harmless and takes such little effort on her part.

Ha this is great...I'm not young but I'll take that as a compliment. You clearly haven't read OP's responses, where she's talked to her DH, offered to role play as other various things (hot nurse, etc), but is creeped out by this one thing, and gives a specific reason for said creepiness. Only to be piled on by posters like you who favor her DH's preference over her personal comfort level. Quid pro quo for fantasies still involves consent and comfort. Or are you too young to understand those things?

You're a woman, and you're digging your heels in over whether or not OP "should" say no. You should think that over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 7:11, and I don't think the problem is "what he'll want next". I highly doubt the guy will go from cheerleader fantasy directly to necrophilia. The issue is she doesn't want to do it. The end. And that's enough of a reason to say no. It doesn't sound like she's uninterested in sex, or discussion, or even other role playing fantasies. But not that one. And this "omg SHE HAS TO DO IT" business is bizarre and minimizes her agency in the relationship. She's entitled to her preferences, as is her DH. There's a compromise in there somewhere. Last I checked, there's a lot of that in a healthy marriage and sex life.

She doesn't have to do anything. The point is that when presented with a dumb, harmless request like wearing a cheerleader outfit and a little roleplaying, you should do it. Her discomfort with a very normal, tame fantasy signals that she may have some pretty deep-seated sexual issues.

A good sexual partner is good, giving and game. A partner should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything within reason.

Actually, when a woman says no to something she does not like and you hear "sexual issues" I think, wow, men who can't hear no is a HuGE sign of sexual issues. It's okay for a woman to say no, it is not a sexual issue, it is normal. Not being able to hear no is a big problem. Seek help.

Nice try, but I'm not a man.

It goes both ways. Men also need to be good, giving and game.

Example: Is yoru wife having a really good time reading 50 Shades of Gray? You might want to check that out and ask her about incorporating some light roleplay in your bedroom.

Or maybe your h can say that does not interest him and you, his wife, should understand... Unless you were abused as a child and then you imagine your H is mean and awful and you blame him for not letting you live out your need to be shamed and hurt during sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously can not act. I would suck at this stuff.

Me too. Can't act. Feel corny and stupid also feel ugly because when I usually see women in these get ups they have perfect bodies. I out the outfits on and only see my flab and saggy boobs makes me feel worse.