Sister telling people I'm on a diet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been trying to lose weight for my niece's wedding. I'm a size 12, not small. I never discuss diet with anyone other than my DH or sister. That's private to me. I don't want people analysing my body/ weight loss. I don't want comments when I have gained or lost weight.

So, I ended up losing 10-15 lbs for the wedding. Nobody commented since it's not that noticeable, except my one aunt. She commented that I look like I lost weight, I said " no, not really". Because I don't want to talk about it, plus I weigh the same as the last time this aunt saw me.
She says YES you did lose weight.
I changed the topic. Then it dawned on my that my sister told her I was dieting.
I asked my sister if she told her that I was trying to lose weight and she said YES.

WTF? Why would she tell my aunt about MY diet. So weird.

YES I know it's not a huge deal. But would this annoy you?

Nothing about that exchange suggests your sister said something. Unless you're obese or wear very loose clothing, 10-15 pounds is usually noticeable. Maybe not to you because you see yourself every day, but if its a relative who only sees you infrequently, that's a different story.

Even if your sister did say something, you bringing this up would be extremely petty. Do you really want to be that diva relative who throws a hissyfit over nothing on her nieces big day?

You misread. The OP said she was the same weight as the last time she saw the aunt, so the aunt wouldn't have seen a difference. I agree that the OP shouldn't bother to mention to her sister as there's no way to make it come out right, but I think she should be careful about what she shares with her sister in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Many of us who are larger have been shamed about our weight and appearance for years. This can result in a situation where you are extremely sensitive about your weight and your body. I currently avoiding being in photographs for this reason. Even when I lose weight, I am really uncomfortable with people mentioning it because:
a. the subtext is "You look so much better. Geez, you used to be so fat and disgusting!"
b. I am uncomfortable with anyone telling me something that implies that they are looking and have been looking at my body - because chances are, in the past they were not admiring it.
c. Telling me that I look great, or I look better or that I am doing a good job with my weight loss is extremely condescending, and you are acting from a position of privilege as a thin person in rewarding me with a compliment -- which I didn't ask for, don't want, and don't acknowledge that you have the power to go around handing out.
d. It's intrusive and inappropriate. It crosses boundaries. Just because I am in public doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. I may very well have noticed your new boob job, but I"m not going to say "Hey, I think your new boobs look great. Maybe now your husband will stop screwing around on you."

Not wanting people to notice things and comment on things for these completely valid things is understandable. But here's the real thing: we don't get to control what other people notice, think or say. All we can control is how we react to other people--especially when they mean well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Many of us who are larger have been shamed about our weight and appearance for years. This can result in a situation where you are extremely sensitive about your weight and your body. I currently avoiding being in photographs for this reason. Even when I lose weight, I am really uncomfortable with people mentioning it because:
a. the subtext is "You look so much better. Geez, you used to be so fat and disgusting!"
b. I am uncomfortable with anyone telling me something that implies that they are looking and have been looking at my body - because chances are, in the past they were not admiring it.
c. Telling me that I look great, or I look better or that I am doing a good job with my weight loss is extremely condescending, and you are acting from a position of privilege as a thin person in rewarding me with a compliment -- which I didn't ask for, don't want, and don't acknowledge that you have the power to go around handing out.
d. It's intrusive and inappropriate. It crosses boundaries. Just because I am in public doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. I may very well have noticed your new boob job, but I"m not going to say "Hey, I think your new boobs look great. Maybe now your husband will stop screwing around on you."

Not wanting people to notice things and comment on things for these completely valid things is understandable. But here's the real thing: we don't get to control what other people notice, think or say. All we can control is how we react to other people--especially when they mean well.

Valid reasons, I meant to say.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP! In my mind if other people explain my weight loss as, "Oh, she's dieting", it implies that the weight loss is temporary. I know that it may just be my issue. I lost weight two years ago through a lifestyle change of daily activity and limiting carbs. Two years later and my MIL let everyone know I was "still dieting". I eat regular food, just have permanently chosen to limit carbs (not NO carbs). I guess it's a permanent diet, but it's what my body needs to stay in the normal BMI category. I've decided her comments are deflection of her weight issues, and let it go, even though I find it annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

She asked if you lost weight. You had. You said you hadn't. That was a lie.

She did not say, "did you lose weight since I last saw you?" If she had, you wouldn't have been lying. But as it was you lied.
What was a lie?
I had not lost weight from when she saw me a year earlier. So for her to look at me and say I lost weight, it's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

I had not lost weight from when she saw me a year earlier. So for her to look at me and say I lost weight, it's wrong.

She asked if you lost weight. You had. You said you hadn't. That was a lie.

She did not say, "did you lose weight since I last saw you?" If she had, you wouldn't have been lying. But as it was you lied. Also, how do you know that she hasn't seen pictures of you in the meantime?

I'm sure she will avoid talking to you in the future, as you both can't accept a compliment and are a liar.

[Anonymous]

I never comment on other peoples' weight because I think it's rude and you also never know what might be going on (e.g. weight loss could be the result of a health problem).

However, I have relatives and in-laws who love to announce it when they have lost weight and discuss their diets all the time. I'm sure it would never occur to them that I might not appreciate it if they say I look like I lost weight.

Bottom line, people have different attitudes toward this subject and not everyone is going to abide by your rules for what is rude and what isn't. In the future, if you share information about your diet with your sister, tell her not to discuss it with anyone else because it makes you uncomfortable. If relatives notice you lost weight and make comments, just say "oh yeah, maybe, thanks" and then change the subject. If it really bothers you, you can tell them to stop commenting, but know that it will make you seem hypersensitive and they will talk about you more as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

I had not lost weight from when she saw me a year earlier. So for her to look at me and say I lost weight, it's wrong.

She asked if you lost weight. You had. You said you hadn't. That was a lie.

She did not say, "did you lose weight since I last saw you?" If she had, you wouldn't have been lying. But as it was you lied. Also, how do you know that she hasn't seen pictures of you in the meantime?

I'm sure she will avoid talking to you in the future, as you both can't accept a compliment and are a liar.

You sound like a particularly cruel person. One could just as easily say the aunt is a liar because there's no way that she noticed the OP's weight loss if she weighed the same. The aunt was probably trying to validate her efforts at dieting and then for some reason went back to the sister to complain about it. Sounds like an entire family of thoughtless boobs--no wonder the OP doesn't want to discuss her diet or her weight with them.

And please take note: not everyone finds comments about their weight, up or down, to be complimentary, and several people have pointed out that some people who Lost Weight, Look Great!! are suffering from serious health problems. Although you don't sound like you care much about other people's feelings.

[Anonymous]

It's annoying but I would just let it slide. Who knows whether the sister said anything, or the aunt is just somewhat naïve and clueless about these things. Or both.

But I'd just blow off this incident as a mistake by someone that wasn't mean-spirited, in the name of keeping peace in the family.

[Anonymous]

God, the DCUM harpies are so annoying...

OP, you are in the right. Although some people will comment on weight loss and think they are giving a compliment, it's not classy. Because it also makes clear that the person is tracking your appearance and knows you were bigger before.

But that's not even what happened. Your sister wasnt telling people you lost weight (a weird comment) but that you were trying to lose weight. All she did was tell people you think you're heavy. It was rude, and a normal person of manners would know without having to be told that that isn't information for public consumption.

This is all minor. But tell your sis you are annoyed and to have some more discretion about what you share with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Many of us who are larger have been shamed about our weight and appearance for years. This can result in a situation where you are extremely sensitive about your weight and your body. I currently avoiding being in photographs for this reason. Even when I lose weight, I am really uncomfortable with people mentioning it because:
a. the subtext is "You look so much better. Geez, you used to be so fat and disgusting!"
b. I am uncomfortable with anyone telling me something that implies that they are looking and have been looking at my body - because chances are, in the past they were not admiring it.
c. Telling me that I look great, or I look better or that I am doing a good job with my weight loss is extremely condescending, and you are acting from a position of privilege as a thin person in rewarding me with a compliment -- which I didn't ask for, don't want, and don't acknowledge that you have the power to go around handing out.
d. It's intrusive and inappropriate. It crosses boundaries. Just because I am in public doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. I may very well have noticed your new boob job, but I"m not going to say "Hey, I think your new boobs look great. Maybe now your husband will stop screwing around on you."

OMG, I can't even tell someone they look great? Saying you look great is not implying you used to not look great. You people are annoying.

Also, I don't get why you were trying to lose weight for your niece's wedding. I had a cousin who was also a bridesmaid who was constantly telling me that she had to lose weight for my wedding, it took precedence over every conversation. It's great that you want to lose weight (if that's what you need to do to be healthy), but don't do it based on another persons timeline/event, and no need to discuss it with your sister.

[Anonymous]

"But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this."

Good heavens - talk about stretching!

Maybe you're carrying the weight differently.

Maybe she's seen pictures of you during the interim.

Maybe (heaven forfend) she misremembered you as being larger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this."

Good heavens - talk about stretching!

Maybe you're carrying the weight differently.

Maybe she's seen pictures of you during the interim.

Maybe (heaven forfend) she misremembered you as being larger.

Way to parrot. Those sympathizing with OP aren't saying "sister is evil" "aunt is malicious".........they are just saying they understand that feeling where you are aware that everyone else is aware of something that makes you feel ashamed, and it sucks, and we are telling her to move on, just like you are, but not being an arse about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think discussing weight is rude, period.

Totally agree. My husband's family is obsessed with discussing weight - even the 5 year olds get into it, commenting on who has gained weight. My husband doesn't, thankfully.

I still haven't found a way of dealing with it. Some people are just private about weight. I feel for you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think discussing weight is rude, period.

Totally agree. My husband's family is obsessed with discussing weight - even the 5 year olds get into it, commenting on who has gained weight. My husband doesn't, thankfully.

I still haven't found a way of dealing with it. Some people are just private about weight. I feel for you, OP!

Totally agree with OP and you.