Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands
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Anonymous
I guess the question would be for those families that both don't have flexible options, what do they compromise on? Kids activities, cleaning, prepared food? Every day is rush rush from work to school to home, even without an activities (and heading to a park to get outside time is ok, but activiites actually are better because I can catch up on work email and home paperwork/email while they are in class). We know every in our class is part time because we know all the kids in SACC in DD grade, and SACC is a ghost town by 5 -- those parents are still picking up pretty early, much earlier this folks working 9-5 downtown. |
Anonymous
| How high of a mortgage are you talking? One option is to downsize--lots of options open up when you don't have a huge mortgage. One person can stay home, work PT etc. It makes a huge difference in quality of life. |
Anonymous
Our $200k is pretty evenly split. We would need to double commutes to hr+ at a minimum to have one person stay home. We could swing part time, but have had NO luck finding positions. Current GS jobs have no part time options at all, no precedent, no telework. |
Anonymous
But we are not asking for examples of how people SAH or go PT: we wanted to know what people who are doing our same plan (two FT WOH jobs, no family/nanny) are swinging it? Are we outliers or all everyone feels in this mad shuffle like us? ANd if not: tips  Suggestions to move and go SAH/PT are not really the direction we are leaning unless really have to.
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Anonymous
Have you been reading all of the responses on this thread? A lot of us have given you suggestions re what to do to make life easier. You are not alone. You are not an outlier. You are just not reading what we are typing. |
Anonymous
Also, I think you're glamorizing telework. I telework 3 times a week and it is still a mad dash, I don't get time to clean the house or run errands during the day, nor does it help with dinner. I am actively working until I clock out at 6pm and only then can start dinner. My life is actually better on the days at I dont telework because DH cooks on those days. I use to have a commute way worse than your commute and the only thing that works is organization and a schedule. And not comparing your life to other people's lives wouldn't hurt either (I don't mean that in a mean way) |
Anonymous
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I'm the PP that suggested downsizing. There are tons of suggestions on this thread (hiring help, freezer meals, high school kid help etc). My point was that if you downsized and didn't have such a huge mortgage, you wouldn't feel so crazed. Lower bills=more options.
I speak from experience, BTW. My DH and I made $210k and we have 3 kids under 5. We hated the crazed/burned out work feelings and had to make some lifestyle changes. Things are better now...we don't feel like that anymore. That doesn't sound like what you are going for, but I at least thought it was worth mentioning. Good luck to you. I would at least try to find someone to clean or mow the lawn so you have more quality time on the weekends. |
Anonymous
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I work nights and weekends, DH works day time and during the week. We are never at work at the same time. It will change once the toddler goes to school in about 2 years.
We would keep them both at school in aftercare until 6 pm. They still have the energy to kick the ball around at the local park from 6 to 8 pm. All activities are in aftercare right now or on weekends. The house is a mess I must say, but mostly because DH is a slob and we have done decluttering lately. |
Anonymous
This is my life, OP. We have a nanny b/c kids aren't school age yet, but once they are, not sure how we are going to do this. Like you, all the moms I know either stay home, work part time, or they have family in the area. It's why we'll probably stop at 2. If only we could afford to move family out here to be close to us and help, but that just isn't probably going to work. |
Anonymous
Are you outliers? No. People do this all the time. DH and I both WOH FT. Nearest family is 5+ hours away. Have you created a safety net of childcare to replace family. Do you have a list of at least 3 babysitters you can call? Is at least one of them a high school student who would also be off on random snow days, teacher work days, etc.? Establishing boundaries also makes a huge difference. Is your job really so critical that you just have to be online in the evenings or weekends? It's doubtful that's the case. If you leave work at the door then you'll find that your home life is much less hectic. FWIW, I'm an attorney. My clients know that I'm not available in the evenings or weekends unless we have prearranged something. They know that my computer is shut down on Friday evening and not opened back up again until Monday morning. I disabled work emails from my phone. In my 15 years of practice, I have lost one client because they wanted someone to talk to on the weekends. That's it. There might be some grumbling and complaining, but in general people will respect your boundaries. You just have to put them up and enforce them. |
Anonymous
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I am very, very lucky to have a family friendly, well-paying job. I work from 8-4:30 as an in house attorney and pull in 180K. My DH is a PA and makes 120k. He also works decent hours 7-3:30 in an ER. We have a house cleaner every two weeks, but basically do it all ourselves. He usually makes dinner and has laundry going by the time I was in with the kids. We usually eat around 5:30 and then hang out for 30 minutes until 7 when it's bedtime. DH and I usually spent an hour or two hanging out, watching TV, etc. before going to bed at 10.
I know how insanely lucky I am to be in this spot. |
Anonymous
I'm not PP, but I'm part of a 2 parent WOH situation, and we use Galley (https://www.galleyfoods.com/menus/dc ) at least once a week. Meals are cooked and more or less ready to go - you can microwave or heat in the oven. They also do Sunday evening dinners now, as well as kid's lunches (although you can only order kid's lunches with dinners). They give you a 30 minute delivery window & you don't have to be home to get it - they will drop it off. We live in NE DC. There is usually a vegetarian and a meat option, and you can order dinners family style or individually. You can also order wine with dinner (we never have). It's not the cheapest scenario, but it is sooo fast and easy. |
Anonymous
Well, that's great for you, but not everyone has the seniority or ability to put up those boundaries and "enforce them." I imagine you don't work at a large law firm, or if you do, you are not an associate. Not every attorney or profession has the flexibility to go offline. Is everyone's job so critical they have to be online on weekends or evenings? Nope! Do most bosses or supervisors understand that? Some do, some don't, and the underling's quality of life can vary dramatically depending on how the person above them views down-time. Also, there's a big difference between having family 5+ hours away by car or by airplane. My family is a 6 hour flight away - not exactly a day or afternoon trip that 5 hours by car affords. |
Anonymous
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No help from me. I do have the more flexible job so I can come in a bit late and leave a bit early if my husband is traveling out of town. Our family is on the other coast so it's really hard not to have family around. We've been fortunate that both my parents are retired and that they could come a few times a year to help out when it gets super crazy. Good luck. I would suggest hiring pt help if you really need it!
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Anonymous
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Another vote for PT here.
When we both worked FT, we made $200K, equally 50/50. We have two kids (age 3 and 6), and I went PT after #2. It made a HUGE difference. Now, our HHI is $150, and DH has an hour commute because we bought a little farther out. But, we both get along better, and are better parents to our kids. No family in the area to help, so no back up care, except for friends and neighbors. |