My husband is suicidal. I'm a mess.

[Anonymous]

Xanax is not the answer. He needs to see a psychiatrist and be properly evaluated. He will not lose his security clearance for that or for taking medication for anxiety/depression. He needs to research this. But he could lose his job from this. Also, he (and you) can use FMLA for mental health issues. He is having a major depressive episode and needs to be seen. If you take him to the ER it's ok. You will be helping him in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:33 here. Thanks, 10:40, but it's not going to happen. I'm not about to pick up the phone and try to explain to a stranger how I feel and why. Just can't do it. I can't even really level with my therapist though I go dutifully every week, it's just too difficult. I find myself shielding the therapist from the depth of my feeling because she's heard it all before and nothing she says and no meds can really help. I just don't belong here.

Hugs, PP. Make sure you keep going to therapy. Sometimes just the act of showing up is all you can do, and that's ok. Just being in a room with someone who cares about you and believes in you is a step towards feeling better. Could you call a sibling or an old friend just to chat for a few minutes? I also listen to Podcasts a lot, which I find relaxing and it can make me laugh. Sending you supportive thoughts and good wishes.

[Anonymous]

Please read this. Psychiatrists in this area know about security clearances and they will work with you. https://news.clearancejobs.com/2010/03/19/mental-health-and-final-security-clearances/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is not the answer. He needs to see a psychiatrist and be properly evaluated. He will not lose his security clearance for that or for taking medication for anxiety/depression. He needs to research this. But he could lose his job from this. Also, he (and you) can use FMLA for mental health issues. He is having a major depressive episode and needs to be seen. If you take him to the ER it's ok. You will be helping him in the long run.

I'm the PP I wanted to clarify: he could lose his job from not being able to function and having debilitating depression/anxiety, I.e, not seeking help. Medication and proper treatment could save his life and his job.

[Anonymous]

I have gotten old enough that I no longer mess around and do what needs to be done in the moment. If my husband or SIL had been curled up on the dining room floor crying I would have called 911 immediately, emphasizing I had a psychiatric emergency with a suicidal individual. I would have paused only long enough to see if there was another number to call instead for a mobile crisis unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax is not the answer. He needs to see a psychiatrist and be properly evaluated. He will not lose his security clearance for that or for taking medication for anxiety/depression. He needs to research this. But he could lose his job from this. Also, he (and you) can use FMLA for mental health issues. He is having a major depressive episode and needs to be seen. If you take him to the ER it's ok. You will be helping him in the long run.

I'm the PP I wanted to clarify: he could lose his job from not being able to function and having debilitating depression/anxiety, I.e, not seeking help. Medication and proper treatment could save his life and his job.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have gotten old enough that I no longer mess around and do what needs to be done in the moment. If my husband or SIL had been curled up on the dining room floor crying I would have called 911 immediately, emphasizing I had a psychiatric emergency with a suicidal individual. I would have paused only long enough to see if there was another number to call instead for a mobile crisis unit.

Is it the dining room floor that gets you riled up, or would you also call 911 if he was curled up in bed crying?

[Anonymous]

Please tell us there are no guns in the home OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP most counties around here have mobile crisis units that will respond to your door if someone is having a mental health crisis.

Here is the info for Fairfax County but Google for your own if you are somewhere else. Or I will for you. Call them next time something happens.

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/csb/publications/mobile-crisis-unit.pdf


His mental health is more important than a security clearance. Once he's happy and stable, he can conquer the world professionally, security clearance or not. I know it's tough for him not to get hung up on that, but life is so much easier when you are mentally healthy. He can and will be fine. Big hugs.

I'm posting again. Please put their number in your phone, just in case.

[Anonymous]

He can go voluntarily, or you can take him involuntarily, but that man needs help. Now. Not two weeks from now when the xanax (which may/may not help) gets here.

If he was curled up in the dining room suffering from acute chest pain, this would be a no-brainer, right? Mental health is no different. This isn't "a little sad" or "struggling a bit". Adults in the fetal position losing their shit (without a specific reason, e.g. a death in the family, etc.) are having some significant mental health problems that, in this case, are life-threatening. Don't mess around. He doesn't get to argue. If he can get up and function, he needs to do so, effective immediately. I suspect that's not within his power at the moment, which means he needs to get help. And if he won't get help voluntarily, get it for him.

I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I say this as someone who put herself in a mental health facility after curling up on the couch and losing my shit. And it didn't cost me my clearance. And I'm much happier now.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this has been mentioned earlier but it bears repeating.

OP, have all the guns removed from the home. It is not uncommon for veterans to own guns. Urge him to call the confidential Veterans Crisis Hotline: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/mobile/ForVeterans.aspx

You may wish to contact them yourself for further advice. Best of luck to you and your family.

Veteran's daughter

[Anonymous]

DW here and a view from the other side. This hits home because I had a serious suicide attempt 10 years ago this week after developing severe PPD. DH stuck with me while I recovered, and I am so thankful. But, I had to make the decision to get better and follow through. I still see a therapist every week, and have a psychiatrist and take meds. And I got good treatment for DH and DCs, not myself, especially at first. But over time, things got much, much better.

So from my point of view, you're in the "for worse" part of the marriage vows, and you need to do what you can to help DH, but he has to help himself. Go see a therapist and get professional support and help working through your options. Once you feel stable and well grounded, you lay down the law for DH: he gets appropriate treatment or you leave. You have the right to know what is going on with his treatment. Not everything he says to his therapist, but the names of his treatment providers and the basics of his treatment plan. That he agrees to follow.

FWIW, I had no problems keeping a security clearance, despite a suicide attempt while on government health insurance. . In fact, no one every specifically asked, and I have not had to disclose. Things have changed such that they would rather have you in treatment. A security clearance is not a legit excuse to not get treatment.

I'm sorry you are going through this, just like I am sorry I put DH through hell.

[Anonymous]

Call his doctors. While they can't share info with you, they can listen...so you should share info with them.

[Anonymous]

Call nami -- National Association of mental illness - hotline. I have also heard that there are traveling/mobile groups that will do interventions and come to your home to talk to your relative with mental illness. I don't know who they work through. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

This seems unlikely to affect his clearance - anxiety is a mental health condition but not a mental illness. It is extremely common- many people will suffer from clinical anxiety or depression at some point in their lives.

I'm sorry I didn't read through all of the responses, but he should be reassured that this is unlikely to affect his clearance- especially if he voluntarily seeks appropriate help.