My husband is suicidal. I'm a mess.

[Anonymous]

No one I can share this with, so I'm here to vent.

My husband has serious mental health issues. He's always dealt with anxiety and depression but in the last 9 months he's literally lost it. On top of that, we had a baby six months ago. I cannot devote the same amount of time or mental energy to him that I could before the baby arrived. I've tried - it's impossible. I harbor so much resentment towards him because he does nothing to help with the baby. I didn't sign up to be a single mom. His depression often manifests as anger so I don't say anything because I don't want to fight or get blamed for not being supportive. Truth is, I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. My baby is at daycare 12 hours a day, my professional life is in chaos, motherhood is kicking my ass, and everyday I wonder if this is the day my husband is going to kill himself.

I think he needs to check himself into an inpatient facility but he refuses as he thinks it will hurt future job prospects by affecting his clearance. He's not currently on any medication. His doctor did write a script for Xanax this week, but because of insurance issues he won't get it for at least 2 weeks. I'm not sure why it took this long to get the script though. It makes me think DH is not telling the full story to the doc.

Today I found DH in our dining room, curled in the fetal position, crying. I demanded that we go to the hospital but he refuses. He said he didn't want to kill himself "right now" and it was just a panic attack so I should just leave him alone. Lots of arguing and yelling followed and ultimately we stayed at home. I didn't know what else to do when he refused to go.

I don't know what happens next.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Is his family local and supportive? Is there someone else that you can enlist to help convince him to get more help? I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

Leave, seriously. This type of mental illness is a slow living death with no end in sight and it will suck you dry.

Take your baby and leave unless you want to raise your baby with an absent father who lives in the same house.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry.... Is there a friend for either he or you or family
Member you can call in for support? Even someone to help with the baby?
I think there are some hotlines he can call or even online therapy he could try if he really won't go get any other help.
You need support regardless. Call back the doc, easiest thing to fix is the prescription issue
I work in pharmacy for an insurer and there's are ways to escalate for mental health. It's like keeping insulin from a diabetic, he needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry, OP.

Me too. I'm so sorry. Is there anyone you can talk to IRL? Do you have a therapist or is there a close family member or friend that can be there for you? Do your husband have a therapist as well as a doctor to write prescriptions. It sounds like he needs something other than Xanax if he's this depressed and suicidal. Has he tried an antidepressant? Does he have a long history of suicidality or is this new since the baby? No real advice, but here's the info for the suicide hotline just in case:

1 [phone]
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

[Anonymous]

Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

[Anonymous]

Oh my god. You both need help. Do you have family or close friends around? Your own health and your baby's safety is also key here. I think you have to put aside the clearance concerns here. If you think he is suicidal, then call 911. You need to call in the troops--his family, yours, someone to help you both out. He needs supervision and medication stat, not 2 weeks. Can you call his doctor tonight and report that you fear he is suicidal and get advice?

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't agree to get help when he's talking about suicide, you call 911 and get him help. An emergency detention is in order

[Anonymous]

Call 911 if you feel your husband just needs medical attention to check him out, and maybe admitted for a few hours or days. You must protect yourself from his condition.

Your baby needs you in a good state of mind. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Pay for two weeks of Xanax out of pocket. Ask dr ho wrote script for samples.

[Anonymous]

Pay Xanax in cash! Am I missing something? I live in Canada so I don't know. Can't you do that?

[Anonymous]

Update please, when you can, OP. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I am so, so, very sorry, OP.

Does your company have an employee assistance program where you might be able to get some professional advice? I know finding the time and resources for professional help may seem insurmountable at the moment, but is there any way to find some professional help?

Is there a trusted family member or friend who you might be able to talk to about this? (...who might also be able to talk to your husband about seeking help.)

What you are going through sounds truly untenable, and while I realize your husband is sick, there needs to be a serious shift in the current dynamics to help him, while also providing the support both you and your baby need.

I wish I had a magic solution. I do hope you are able to find help and support for your family.

[Anonymous]

Seriously OP, generic Xanax is not that expensive. Pay for two weeks out of pocket right away. When he's taken it, talk about inpatient treatments. He will likely be more open to it when the anxiety/panic is softened by the Xanax.