My husband is suicidal. I'm a mess.

[Anonymous]

Big hugs to you, OP.

My husband is out of control too right now, and I've been in your shoes with a baby in more than full-time daycare.

Are you sure there's no one you can speak to about this IRL?

[Anonymous]

I agree with calling 911. It's an emergency and if he won't willingly go himself, have an ambulance come and get him.

[Anonymous]

Also, Xanax is nota long term solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, Xanax is nota long term solution.[/quote
Agree but right now is the urgent issue. They can't be looking too far in the future while in crisis,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

Can you take the baby and stay with anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

Does your husband have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, OP? Or just a general MD prescribing his Xanax?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with calling 911. It's an emergency and if he won't willingly go himself, have an ambulance come and get him.

Please be absolutely sure this is necessary if you go this route. Remember police are not mental health professionals and they will be the ones who show up when you call.

My advice would be to use the threat of having him involuntary committed (which will ruin any career he needs a security clearance for) in order to get him to go voluntarily to the ER for treatment. If that doesn't work you have few choices. Just know it's going to be ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with calling 911. It's an emergency and if he won't willingly go himself, have an ambulance come and get him.

Please be absolutely sure this is necessary if you go this route. Remember police are not mental health professionals and they will be the ones who show up when you call.

My advice would be to use the threat of having him involuntary committed (which will ruin any career he needs a security clearance for) in order to get him to go voluntarily to the ER for treatment. If that doesn't work you have few choices. Just know it's going to be ugly.

You could also call Mobile Crisis, but again they will involuntarily commit. Agree that getting him to go voluntarily is the best option? As previous PP asked, does he have a therapist or psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with calling 911. It's an emergency and if he won't willingly go himself, have an ambulance come and get him.

+1 Your husband is suicidal. That is absolutely an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

Does your husband have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, OP? Or just a general MD prescribing his Xanax?

He started seeing a therapist 5 weeks ago and I guess this week also saw a psychiatrist. But he doesn't share the details with me so that's just my best guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

Does your husband have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, OP? Or just a general MD prescribing his Xanax?

He started seeing a therapist 5 weeks ago and I guess this week also saw a psychiatrist. But he doesn't share the details with me so that's just my best guess.

If you feel he's suicidal you should contact his therapist/psychiatrist and let them know. They will be able to help. This is not an uncommon sort of emergency for mental health professionals. Remember, they are bound by confidentiality not to disclose to you but you're free to talk to them and should do so. They need to know your husband is having suicidal thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you pay the Xanax out of pocket?

Yes, we could afford it, but DH would have to call the Dr and get the prescription, which he is unwilling to do.

Part of our issue is that DH doesn't want my help. He says he wants me to support him, but for him that means just trusting whatever decision his impaired mind makes. He will not let me engage his doctor or accompany him to appointments. He refuses my suggestion of inpatient care. He and I both know I can call 911 and have him committed at any time but it's the nuclear option. I can see that the thought of being forcibly taken from our home is terrifying to him. I also strongly believe he would simply deny that he is suicidal if the police showed up.

Does your husband have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, OP? Or just a general MD prescribing his Xanax?

He started seeing a therapist 5 weeks ago and I guess this week also saw a psychiatrist. But he doesn't share the details with me so that's just my best guess.

If you feel he's suicidal you should contact his therapist/psychiatrist and let them know. They will be able to help. This is not an uncommon sort of emergency for mental health professionals. Remember, they are bound by confidentiality not to disclose to you but you're free to talk to them and should do so. They need to know your husband is having suicidal thoughts.

This, call them.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

In hindsight, I guess I should have called 911 today.

My mom arrived this week to help with the baby so at least we're not totally alone. She witnessed the episode today and encouraged him to go with me to the hospital but obviously that had no effect.


A few weeks ago my husband walked into the mental health facility at Fort Belevoir (he's a vet) and told them he was going to kill himself. I'm not sure why they didn't admit him then, but that's when he started weakly therapy sessions. Seems to me like they should have started meds then too. Again, I worry I'm not getting the full story. He also started attending group counseling sessions last week. I worry that it's not enough though and that he needs emergency help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with calling 911. It's an emergency and if he won't willingly go himself, have an ambulance come and get him.

Please be absolutely sure this is necessary if you go this route. Remember police are not mental health professionals and they will be the ones who show up when you call.

My advice would be to use the threat of having him involuntary committed (which will ruin any career he needs a security clearance for) in order to get him to go voluntarily to the ER for treatment. If that doesn't work you have few choices. Just know it's going to be ugly.

NP here. Yes, I have witnessed what you warn about.