TO THE MOM WHO RED SHIRTED HER SON AND COMPLAINS HE'S NOT CHALLENGED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a teeny-tiny kindergartener who was the size of a three year old (bottom five percent of the growth curve). She would have found it challenging to be with kids her own age who were so much bigger than she was. Yes, by all means, put her in with kids who are two years older than her and also big for their age. That sounds like a great plan.

Maybe this is your daughter's issue. The idea that kids should be strictly segregated based on size is not necessarily the best - and she will have to deal with bigger kids at recess and in the neighborhood. That is some kind of helicoptering to think she should not have to have ONE big kid in her class. I am sure if you were in a fancy Montessori you'd be crowing about how great mixed age classes are.

People please have some compassion. Nobody redshirts their big boy because they want to make him stick out. We know he is different already.

Are you seriously suggesting that the child who is actually the appropriate age for the class is the one who should have to adjust? I think a kid who is five deserves to be in class with kids who are five and shouldn't have to adjust to kids who are seven.
To say that there's something wrong with a tiny 5 year old feeling uncomfortable when surrounded by large kids who are two years older just seems bizarre to me -- given that it's a 5 year old class.

Exactly! Absurd.

+1

Kids in other states START at 4yrs old. 5 is normal and even older in other states. Kids starting ages 6 and 7 are absurd. They are going to be 2-3yrs older than other college freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand holding a child back for social reasons. If you hold a child back and keep him or her with kids 1-2 years younger, you cannot complain they are immature as you are keeping them with kids who are far younger and do not have the social skills that can help them advance. Your chid will always be behind age/socially as they haven't been given the opportunity to mature and be with peers who may be what others consider more "mature."

You're right, you don't understand. Full stop.

I agree with the first PP. Plus, if the child is on-real-grade level, you are dumbing him down, forcing him to slow down academically. And then the parent may possibly be like who the OP is talking about - complain that your child is not being challenged.

I don't know what school district you are in, but in MCPS, the test to get into the gifted program (HGC) is age-normed, meaning that an older child will have to score a lot higher than a younger child to get in. So, if a parent is thinking that redshirting a child will give a child more of a chance to get into a gifted program in ES in MCPS, this is not the case. And actually, you may be hindering the chances by purposefully slowing your child down academically. A lot of bright kids will become lazy if they find school too easy. This happened to me, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a teeny-tiny kindergartener who was the size of a three year old (bottom five percent of the growth curve). She would have found it challenging to be with kids her own age who were so much bigger than she was. Yes, by all means, put her in with kids who are two years older than her and also big for their age. That sounds like a great plan.

Did you really red-shirt your daughter based on her size and the fact that others red shirt?? Wow, I have heard it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red shirting needs to end. The age range in classrooms is ridiculous. Few kids behave perfectly all day in K. Your gems will survive. No one red shirted when we were kids and we all were ready. You just want your kid to be bigger and better in sports. Just admit it. Its ridiculous. In our K class, the age gap is 19 months. What a ridiculous system. I can't wait for DCPS finally to stand up to parents on this one. Oh wait. Kaya is too busy traveling to Cuba and tweeting about politics to give a crap about what's happening in our classrooms.

Oh stuff it. You know who pushes redshirting in DC? The school. Worried about their test scored and intolerant of working on any behavioral/maturity issues.

Not at our school. In fact, when brought up at the PTA meeting, the principal was even mentioned how many requests they had gotten this year by incoming PK4 parents. Absurd. This is parental issue that the school systems allow. If someone told you to redshirt your kid, you should report them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 months older than the youngest kids in her class because she has a late-October birthday. It's been a struggle to keep her challenged.

Most of the boys I know who were red-shirted just weren't ready socially/emotionally for kindergarten at age barely-5. they were bright kids, and not small, but I can see why their parents made the choice they did.

But you didn't choose to redshirt. Your child just missed the cut off. There's a difference. But you do see that even an "older" child can be not challenged in school. Imagine how un-challenged those bright redshirted child are. They will be un-challenged for several years to come. That can cause behavior issues at school, too. Better to let the immature child be immature on-grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 months older than the youngest kids in her class because she has a late-October birthday. It's been a struggle to keep her challenged.

Most of the boys I know who were red-shirted just weren't ready socially/emotionally for kindergarten at age barely-5. they were bright kids, and not small, but I can see why their parents made the choice they did.

So twenty years ago everyone was "socially/emotionally" ready for K and now suddenly we are raising a bunch of immature little kids? Nope. It's the parents who have their issues that are putting them on their poor little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand holding a child back for social reasons. If you hold a child back and keep him or her with kids 1-2 years younger, you cannot complain they are immature as you are keeping them with kids who are far younger and do not have the social skills that can help them advance. Your chid will always be behind age/socially as they haven't been given the opportunity to mature and be with peers who may be what others consider more "mature."

You're right, you don't understand. Full stop.

I agree with the first PP. Plus, if the child is on-real-grade level, you are dumbing him down, forcing him to slow down academically. And then the parent may possibly be like who the OP is talking about - complain that your child is not being challenged.

I don't know what school district you are in, but in MCPS, the test to get into the gifted program (HGC) is age-normed, meaning that an older child will have to score a lot higher than a younger child to get in. So, if a parent is thinking that redshirting a child will give a child more of a chance to get into a gifted program in ES in MCPS, this is not the case. And actually, you may be hindering the chances by purposefully slowing your child down academically. A lot of bright kids will become lazy if they find school too easy. This happened to me, too.

Look, I know it is hard for you perfect moms to understand, but nobody holds back their otherwise bright kindergarten-age boy for fun, or for some kind of perceived academic or sports advantage. Outside of DCUM is just does not happen. Redshirting is a really serious decision and it usually only happens after a lot of discussion with teachers, school administration, and possibly your child's therapists. The fact that the older child sticks out and has discordant rates of development is something that nobody wants or takes lightly. If the child is bullying or acting aggressively -- yes, that is something that has to be dealt with (and probably would have been even worse if the kid wasn't redshirted). And as far as I am aware, there is no connection between redshirting and bullying -- most likely it is the redshirted child who will get bullied (just look at this thread!) But otherwise, your perfect child is not going to be harmed one iota by having a larger child in their class. I get that it's much easier to judge than to try to understand other people's reality, so no big deal. I'll just keep on trying to help my kid.

[Anonymous]

As a parent to kids of various ages 9th grade to 1st, I see the same thing with red-shirted boys:

Most sports (esp club and travel) are by ages. 8U, 12U etc... Your child will never play outside sports with classmates.

High school - you are ineligible once you turn 19.
When you are playing before that, it is mumbled.

In school if you are top of the class, it is because your were red shirted. Everyone knows and everyone mumbles under their breath. For testing, it goes by age, not grade. Same with college.

Socially AND physically, ALL kids change yearly and once puberty hits it is all over the place. Holding back for these reasons never works. The kids that were socially a mess STILL are socially a mess. Holding back a year doesn't align kids with kids their age. It keeps them acting the same for 2 years.

Really think twice about it. You can ALWAYS hold back but you can NEVER advance a red-shirted kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand holding a child back for social reasons. If you hold a child back and keep him or her with kids 1-2 years younger, you cannot complain they are immature as you are keeping them with kids who are far younger and do not have the social skills that can help them advance. Your chid will always be behind age/socially as they haven't been given the opportunity to mature and be with peers who may be what others consider more "mature."

You're right, you don't understand. Full stop.

I agree with the first PP. Plus, if the child is on-real-grade level, you are dumbing him down, forcing him to slow down academically. And then the parent may possibly be like who the OP is talking about - complain that your child is not being challenged.

I don't know what school district you are in, but in MCPS, the test to get into the gifted program (HGC) is age-normed, meaning that an older child will have to score a lot higher than a younger child to get in. So, if a parent is thinking that redshirting a child will give a child more of a chance to get into a gifted program in ES in MCPS, this is not the case. And actually, you may be hindering the chances by purposefully slowing your child down academically. A lot of bright kids will become lazy if they find school too easy. This happened to me, too.

Look, I know it is hard for you perfect moms to understand, but nobody holds back their otherwise bright kindergarten-age boy for fun, or for some kind of perceived academic or sports advantage. Outside of DCUM is just does not happen. Redshirting is a really serious decision and it usually only happens after a lot of discussion with teachers, school administration, and possibly your child's therapists. The fact that the older child sticks out and has discordant rates of development is something that nobody wants or takes lightly. If the child is bullying or acting aggressively -- yes, that is something that has to be dealt with (and probably would have been even worse if the kid wasn't redshirted). And as far as I am aware, there is no connection between redshirting and bullying -- most likely it is the redshirted child who will get bullied (just look at this thread!) But otherwise, your perfect child is not going to be harmed one iota by having a larger child in their class. I get that it's much easier to judge than to try to understand other people's reality, so no big deal. I'll just keep on trying to help my kid.

I've know a few boys who were redshirted. Several were done so for sports. This was several years ago. OP, and others, are just stating that it's quite annoying to hear a parent complain about how their kid is not being challenged, but the parent chose to redshirt the child. We're just saying... if you choose to redshirt for whatever reason, just don't complain your child is not being challenged.

I highly doubt any parent on here honestly thinks they're perfect. I sure don't. Just the other day, my DS asked me what I would like to change if we could go back in time. I said, "To be a better mom".

[Anonymous]

We're just saying... if you choose to redshirt for whatever reason, just don't complain your child is not being challenged.

This right here. If you choose to redshirt, then don't be surprised when the instruction is pitched at a level for the actual 5 year-olds in the class.

[Anonymous]

I waited to send my son to K just after he turned 6 (Aug bday) based on all the research that delaying formal school has lifelong benefits for kids' brains, including their mental health. This is a perfectly legitimate choice, allowed by our school system, and I find it odd that's it considered so offensive to some other parents. We all make what we think are the best decisions for our kids and our families, within the rules.

For those interested, here's just one of the arguments supporting later K: http://qz.com/546832/stanford-researchers-show-were-sending-many-children-to-school-way-too-early/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a teeny-tiny kindergartener who was the size of a three year old (bottom five percent of the growth curve). She would have found it challenging to be with kids her own age who were so much bigger than she was. Yes, by all means, put her in with kids who are two years older than her and also big for their age. That sounds like a great plan.

This is a ridiculous reason to hold a kid back.

I'm very petite and always been the smallest in my class and would have been pissed had my parents kept me back based upon this reason. I was raised that it's kind of embarrassing to be the oldest in the class as people assume you failed a grade and aren't very smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 months older than the youngest kids in her class because she has a late-October birthday. It's been a struggle to keep her challenged.

Most of the boys I know who were red-shirted just weren't ready socially/emotionally for kindergarten at age barely-5. they were bright kids, and not small, but I can see why their parents made the choice they did.

So twenty years ago everyone was "socially/emotionally" ready for K and now suddenly we are raising a bunch of immature little kids? Nope. It's the parents who have their issues that are putting them on their poor little kids.

People were holding back fall birthdays twenty years ago. I think it was less common, but it still occurred. It wasn't called redshirting then, it was waiting until they were ready.

I chose to send my very immature fall birthday boy on time, and I'm not sure if it was the correct decision or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 months older than the youngest kids in her class because she has a late-October birthday. It's been a struggle to keep her challenged.

Most of the boys I know who were red-shirted just weren't ready socially/emotionally for kindergarten at age barely-5. they were bright kids, and not small, but I can see why their parents made the choice they did.

So twenty years ago everyone was "socially/emotionally" ready for K and now suddenly we are raising a bunch of immature little kids? Nope. It's the parents who have their issues that are putting them on their poor little kids.

20 years ago, kindergarten was learning A B Cs and still playing house. I had half day kindergarten (30 years ago). I also had 3 days a week of PE, not 1, and twice daily recess. My child is in K now and they're expected to read and write and do basic math--they're also expected to sit a LOT. One day of PE a week and a 30 minute daily recess. Thankfully he can hack it academically, but he is immature (spring birthday) and has gotten into trouble here and there--he probably wouldn't have gotten into that trouble if he weren't so tired or didn't have to stare at worksheets so much. Putting academic pressures onto children at an early age can set them up to be frustrated learners in the future. I don't think the solution is to red shirt, I think it's to go back to the days where kids played more in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand holding a child back for social reasons. If you hold a child back and keep him or her with kids 1-2 years younger, you cannot complain they are immature as you are keeping them with kids who are far younger and do not have the social skills that can help them advance. Your chid will always be behind age/socially as they haven't been given the opportunity to mature and be with peers who may be what others consider more "mature."

You're right, you don't understand. Full stop.

I agree with the first PP. Plus, if the child is on-real-grade level, you are dumbing him down, forcing him to slow down academically. And then the parent may possibly be like who the OP is talking about - complain that your child is not being challenged.

I don't know what school district you are in, but in MCPS, the test to get into the gifted program (HGC) is age-normed, meaning that an older child will have to score a lot higher than a younger child to get in. So, if a parent is thinking that redshirting a child will give a child more of a chance to get into a gifted program in ES in MCPS, this is not the case. And actually, you may be hindering the chances by purposefully slowing your child down academically. A lot of bright kids will become lazy if they find school too easy. This happened to me, too.

Look, I know it is hard for you perfect moms to understand, but nobody holds back their otherwise bright kindergarten-age boy for fun, or for some kind of perceived academic or sports advantage. Outside of DCUM is just does not happen. Redshirting is a really serious decision and it usually only happens after a lot of discussion with teachers, school administration, and possibly your child's therapists. The fact that the older child sticks out and has discordant rates of development is something that nobody wants or takes lightly. If the child is bullying or acting aggressively -- yes, that is something that has to be dealt with (and probably would have been even worse if the kid wasn't redshirted). And as far as I am aware, there is no connection between redshirting and bullying -- most likely it is the redshirted child who will get bullied (just look at this thread!) But otherwise, your perfect child is not going to be harmed one iota by having a larger child in their class. I get that it's much easier to judge than to try to understand other people's reality, so no big deal. I'll just keep on trying to help my kid.

I've know a few boys who were redshirted. Several were done so for sports. This was several years ago. OP, and others, are just stating that it's quite annoying to hear a parent complain about how their kid is not being challenged, but the parent chose to redshirt the child. We're just saying... if you choose to redshirt for whatever reason, just don't complain your child is not being challenged.

I highly doubt any parent on here honestly thinks they're perfect. I sure don't. Just the other day, my DS asked me what I would like to change if we could go back in time. I said, "To be a better mom".

Kindergarten boys redshirted for sports? I seriously doubt it. Even if there is one or two mentally ill parents who do that, the vast majority of redshirting is due to academic or social skills and/or special needs.

There's something called 2E where your kid has special needs AND is still advanced in certain academic areas.

But again, y'all have proven you have no interest or compassion in figuring out why parents make this decision, so bye felicias.