MIL hurt my dog and I want to disown her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh first, you need to realize that this is your child's grandmother and your DH's mother. That is an important relationship for both of them to have regardless of how you feel about her. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her but it means that you need to leave them to have their own.

Honestly, as a dog lover, I would have probably pushed the dog off also. We don't allow our dogs on the furniture (and never understand why others do) so my instinct would have been to correct the dog while not even thinking about what I was doing.

I am also positive after having dogs with torn ACLs and hip dysplasia that your dog should be trained gently to not jump up onto any furniture. Do this now so that no further damage is done (which can be done simply getting on and off furniture) but also for post op when your dog should not be doing this at all.

+1 to all this.

OP, you are the one who sounds like you have an undiagnosed personality disorder.

You are out of your mind. This woman is in someone else's home. Hurts the dog and verbally abuses her DIL and OP is out of line? You're insane. It does not matter that you don't allow dogs on your furniture. This is not your home. And, the proper response would be to apologize for acting like an asshole.

You are 100% in the right OP. And, I'm not saying sever ties for all time, but you need to set some boundaries now and not let this fester. Explain to her she is to NEVER touch the dog like that again. It's not prioritizing one over the other; it's simply manners and respect and being kind. Further, she is not to verbally assault you. Set your expectation that she apologize (even if she doesn't) and tell her that she will not be permitted to speak to you that way again. If she does, she will not be invited back. Stick to it. If she does, be pleasant but distant and it can work. There is no way someone would come into my home and treat me that way. None.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you dog is in so much pain you're doing plasma injections trying to hold on till the fall for surgery... you really need to put the dog down. For the sake of the dog.

Especially if the dog is only 4 years old. The dog is in for a lifetime of pain that you are only prolonging.

You tie with OP's MIL for the bitch prize.

Because allowing a dog to hobble around in constant pain for the next several months is humane. You're not just a bitch, you're a stupid bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh first, you need to realize that this is your child's grandmother and your DH's mother. That is an important relationship for both of them to have regardless of how you feel about her. It doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her but it means that you need to leave them to have their own.

Honestly, as a dog lover, I would have probably pushed the dog off also. We don't allow our dogs on the furniture (and never understand why others do) so my instinct would have been to correct the dog while not even thinking about what I was doing.

I am also positive after having dogs with torn ACLs and hip dysplasia that your dog should be trained gently to not jump up onto any furniture. Do this now so that no further damage is done (which can be done simply getting on and off furniture) but also for post op when your dog should not be doing this at all.

+1 to all this.

OP, you are the one who sounds like you have an undiagnosed personality disorder.

You are out of your mind. This woman is in someone else's home. Hurts the dog and verbally abuses her DIL and OP is out of line? You're insane. It does not matter that you don't allow dogs on your furniture. This is not your home. And, the proper response would be to apologize for acting like an asshole.

You are 100% in the right OP. And, I'm not saying sever ties for all time, but you need to set some boundaries now and not let this fester. Explain to her she is to NEVER touch the dog like that again. It's not prioritizing one over the other; it's simply manners and respect and being kind. Further, she is not to verbally assault you. Set your expectation that she apologize (even if she doesn't) and tell her that she will not be permitted to speak to you that way again. If she does, she will not be invited back. Stick to it. If she does, be pleasant but distant and it can work. There is no way someone would come into my home and treat me that way. None.

+1

+2. If she's allowed to carry on in this manner in your home, it will only escalate in the future. Set some boundaries, and stick to them.

[Anonymous]

OP- you asked for advice about what's next. It appears your husband agrees with you that MIL was wrong but maybe doesn't feel as strongly that it's all over.

Since he agrees with you and it's his mother then you should ask him to take the lead in dealing with her in the future. Ask him to ask her to stay in a hotel next time and to plan any necessary transportation. Let him deal with it. If you want to limit visits to places other than your house, ask your husband to arrange it. His mother is his problem. Just make sure you two stay on the same page.

FWIW I adore dogs and would not welcome anyone who hurt my dog into my home. That said, I concur with posters who have said you might be doing your dog a disservice. It sounds like very low quality of life. Dogs don't understand the future. They don't lament that they might never see Paris or finish writing a novel. They understand only now. And if they hurt now, that's a bad life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. You, not your MIL.

Bhagahahaha right?! The dog licks its butt and then the baby, yet mil has to wash her hands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I got up as quickly as I could and very firmly stated "do not push her!"

OP lots going on with this situation. Out of curiosity, what was your tone here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP, I'm totally on your side and would be very sad and hurt if anyone did that to my dog.
It's your house and your rules- if the dog is allwed on your couch, nobody has the right to push the dog off. I have a dog and when guests come over the dog gets up by them and I move the dog but never ever ever would I be okay with a guest or family member pushing my dog.
One time a neice said, "OFF" and I got mad at my neice for telling my dog off. My house my rules! I know I"m in the minority, but I don't think you're crazy at all. I wouldn't disown the ML forever, but I would want an apology for sure. It doesn't sound like a sustainable relationship.

That is really disrespectful to your niece who didn't want the dog on her. She has every right to get the dog off her.

Absolutely. To put aside your guests' comfort level with your dog is very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP, I'm totally on your side and would be very sad and hurt if anyone did that to my dog.
It's your house and your rules- if the dog is allwed on your couch, nobody has the right to push the dog off. I have a dog and when guests come over the dog gets up by them and I move the dog but never ever ever would I be okay with a guest or family member pushing my dog.
One time a neice said, "OFF" and I got mad at my neice for telling my dog off. My house my rules! I know I"m in the minority, but I don't think you're crazy at all. I wouldn't disown the ML forever, but I would want an apology for sure. It doesn't sound like a sustainable relationship.

That is really disrespectful to your niece who didn't want the dog on her. She has every right to get the dog off her.

My dog wasn't on her, my dog was near her on the couch. My dog is less than 10 pounds so it's not like she's filling up all the space.

You know, I agree that OP's MIL went overboard and completely abused the hospitality by pushing the dog, but both you, PP, and the OP are among the rudest hosts I've seen. Yes, this is the dog's house, but once you invite guests into your house, you are extending the hospitality of the household. If your pet cannot stay off of guests or off the furniture that the guests will use, then you need to at least offer to restrict the pet to certain rooms while the guests are visiting. In the case of house guests, offer to get some baby gates and cordon off one or two "dog free" rooms that your guests can use while they visit. If they venture out of those rooms, they have the understanding that they have to co-exist with the dog. If you can't provide them even this modicum of hospitality then you should not host people.

Yes, I've heard the argument that it is the dog's house, but you as the homeowner are extending your hospitality and need to ensure that your household behaves accordingly. If you invited house guests to stay with you and your husband was playing loud music or putting on a football game with volume cranked within hearing distance of the guest room when they tried to sleep, or if your children were running rampant going into the guest room and rummaging in their luggage, I think you'd stop them. Likewise, having pets stay off the furniture when guests use it or not jump on their person is something you need to stop as well. You either extend your hospitality as a household, or you don't offer your household for guests. LIkewise, house guests should not abuse the residents including pushing the dog. If your MIL/house guests wants to sit on the couch without the pet, they should ask you to have the dog get down and you should comply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I agree that OP's MIL went overboard and completely abused the hospitality by pushing the dog, but both you, PP, and the OP are among the rudest hosts I've seen. Yes, this is the dog's house, but once you invite guests into your house, you are extending the hospitality of the household. If your pet cannot stay off of guests or off the furniture that the guests will use, then you need to at least offer to restrict the pet to certain rooms while the guests are visiting. In the case of house guests, offer to get some baby gates and cordon off one or two "dog free" rooms that your guests can use while they visit. If they venture out of those rooms, they have the understanding that they have to co-exist with the dog. If you can't provide them even this modicum of hospitality then you should not host people.

Yes, I've heard the argument that it is the dog's house, but you as the homeowner are extending your hospitality and need to ensure that your household behaves accordingly. If you invited house guests to stay with you and your husband was playing loud music or putting on a football game with volume cranked within hearing distance of the guest room when they tried to sleep, or if your children were running rampant going into the guest room and rummaging in their luggage, I think you'd stop them. Likewise, having pets stay off the furniture when guests use it or not jump on their person is something you need to stop as well. You either extend your hospitality as a household, or you don't offer your household for guests. LIkewise, house guests should not abuse the residents including pushing the dog. If your MIL/house guests wants to sit on the couch without the pet, they should ask you to have the dog get down and you should comply.

+1

[Anonymous]

I like dogs, but not when they jump on me or the furniture I'm using, and I can see how someone would push a dog back down to the floor. If your dog is that fragile, you should put it in another room away from visitors. (And seriously, think about having it put down rather than let it suffer like this. I think people lose sight of what truly humane behavior is these days.)

And if you let the dog lick your baby, but then treat your husband's own mother as if she's dirtier than a dog, well, I can see why she's insulted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. You, not your MIL.

Bhagahahaha right?! The dog licks its butt and then the baby, yet mil has to wash her hands!

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Op you are fine and your MIL is a brat. I would disown her too. If you think it's okay to hurt an injured animal over a couch, there's something wrong with you.

Be civil with her of course but don't have her at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I'd be done if she shoved my dog.

Yep. And to all the backtalk, I'd say "You're right. Get out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope your baby is a son and one day you will have a DIL like you who will "disown" you for whatever reason she has and cut you off from your son and grandchildren.

X1000 OP, you need to get over this or it will come back and bite you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. You, not your MIL.

Bhagahahaha right?! The dog licks its butt and then the baby, yet mil has to wash her hands!

+1000.

+1 not saying mil was right in her approach, but how OP can't see why this might be incredibly offensive to mil is beyond me