DH doesn't want me to be "one of those people"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's possible to find Melaina Trump unattractive, but it's difficult to trust that someone is being honest when they express that opinion. She's not a border line case where opinions can easily differ. She's made a career out of the fact that her appearance is one that most people find attractive.

The easier (but possibly incorrect) explanation is that OP has another motive for saying that she finds Trump unattractive. I think that's what OP's husband is reacting to.

Maybe OP is not one of the "most" people that find her attractive. There are some models that I don't think are all that; my DH agrees. My DH thinks Claudia Schiffer is weird looking. There are some women that I think are really hot, and my DH doesn't think so. As stated, "attractiveness" is subjective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

I honestly don't find her attractive. I realize she's aesthetically pretty but her style and look do nothing for me. I like both men and women with a little more texture and spice to their looks. She's really bland and boring IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My issue with this situation is that every time I disagree w/ DH, he has to make it about some greater personal flaw of mine rather than just agreeing to disagree and now I'm really pissed about this ridiculous conversation! Is this a normal marital conversation? Is this a case of someone who loves me knowing how to push my buttons or is it a case of a husband who really doesn't like his wife?

It sounds to me like you both making a lot of assumptions about what each other mean. These sorts of interactions may be normal among couples, but they are not desirable. You say something about Melania Trump, your DH assumes it is representative of some greater negative thought pattern. You assume he is trying to aggravate you, or that he just doesn't like you. Check your assumptions. Get therapy if you need help with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

I honestly don't find her attractive. I realize she's aesthetically pretty but her style and look do nothing for me. I like both men and women with a little more texture and spice to their looks. She's really bland and boring IMO.

I don't think I particularly like Malania but attractive, that she is. She is gorgeous. I think OP's DH was reacting to the obvious, that his wife can't objectively assess another woman's beauty. I think OP may have expressed weaknesses that her DH finds off-putting.

[Anonymous]

You pushed his buttons, he pushed yours.

But he has the additional flaw of generalizing, which is a communication no-no. Tell him to stop that shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone here is defending OP's husband and chastising OP for being petty.

If you can't be a little bit petty with YOUR SPOUSE then when you can *gasp* let your guard down a little bit and *gaaaaasp* have some flaws?

Ridiculous.

And for the record, I don't find it petty to make a comment about Melania Trump's looks. Why? Because she her claim to fame is her looks, and Trump parades her around like some special prize.

So no, it's not petty if someone questions the validity of his "prize." Like "pff what is this guy bragging so hard about?" He brings it on himself. If he didn't, I doubt OP would have felt prompted to comment on her looks.

OP - The way your husband talked to you was not good for your relationship. You need to set some boundaries for yourself. Stick up for yourself.

Many people are *gasp* not petty sh*t heads. I know, incredible, right?

Ha! Well, I hope you don't count yourself among those people!

[Anonymous]

I think you ought to be able to express an opinion about anyone's - anyone's - looks without your husband making it into a character discussion. People have looks. It's OK to discuss them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

I honestly don't find her attractive. I realize she's aesthetically pretty but her style and look do nothing for me. I like both men and women with a little more texture and spice to their looks. She's really bland and boring IMO.

I don't think I particularly like Malania but attractive, that she is. She is gorgeous. I think OP's DH was reacting to the obvious, that his wife can't objectively assess another woman's beauty. I think OP may have expressed weaknesses that her DH finds off-putting.

You realize that this is just your opinion, and that not everyone has the same opinion about beauty, you know the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" thing. Objectively speaking, I don't find her very attractive. She is weird looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe I'm writing this because it's so stupid! But this is my life...one example of a familiar theme. As a casual comment related to a conversations about the presidential race, I said I do not find Melania Trump attractive and DH flew off the handle and said, among other things, that he doesn't want me to be "one of those people" who complain about attractive people and act threatened. He said it reflects my lack of confidence and ability the have fun. Apparently, he wants me to say, "she's hot!" or something. We're both liberal, if that matters. Also, if it matters, I do consider myself to be an attractive person and don't not feel insecure about my looks most of the time. My issue with this situation is that every time I disagree w/ DH, he has to make it about some greater personal flaw of mine rather than just agreeing to disagree and now I'm really pissed about this ridiculous conversation! Is this a normal marital conversation? Is this a case of someone who loves me knowing how to push my buttons or is it a case of a husband who really doesn't like his wife?

I think your DH was a jerk. It's your prerogative whether you think someone is beautiful. Frankly, it sounds like he thinks she is attractive and implied that you're jealous and petty. I think that's hurtful. He should have said, "well, she's alright but not as gorgeous as you." Picking a fight with his wife over another woman's beauty and how she reacted to it is insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you ought to be able to express an opinion about anyone's - anyone's - looks without your husband making it into a character discussion. People have looks. It's OK to discuss them.

+1, it is an opinion.
As long as you are not making it to her face, I dont see any harm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

I honestly don't find her attractive. I realize she's aesthetically pretty but her style and look do nothing for me. I like both men and women with a little more texture and spice to their looks. She's really bland and boring IMO.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you. Mrs Trump is very odd looking to me - like plastic surgery left something in the wrong place. I just can't figure out what's off center and it's very distracting every time I see her face.

My husband was surprised I even noticed the plastic work and clearly holds a different opinion, but he did not go off the handle on me like yours did. This isn't the first time that I've found a celebrity unattractive when most men think she's gorgeous. Conversely, there are women who I think are absolutely gorgeous who most men seem to think are just meh. Isn't Angelina Jolie the famous example of this? Most women rate her #1 the most beautiful celebrity, but men are more likely to pick Sophia Vergera or Scarlette Johanson.

I've concluded that men and women see, and appreciate, somewhat different aspects of beauty and that's okay. Your husband over reacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

90% of DCUM

LOL Sanctimommies in yoga pants are out to get Melania.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you ought to be able to express an opinion about anyone's - anyone's - looks without your husband making it into a character discussion. People have looks. It's OK to discuss them.

And if your opinion happens to cast you in a shrewish, small, unflattering light well let the chips fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's fine if you think she is beautiful, clearly some do not and it's ok.
I'm just posting this picture as an example of why some might think she looks, kind of like a cat at times.
Not something everyone would find appealing.