DH doesn't want me to be "one of those people"

[Anonymous]

not =now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

You're missing the point. All that is the result of her looks, so her looks must have raised some eyebrows in her time. The simple fact OP denies for some reason.

No one was talking about Melania, she's just an example of someone who'll get trashed by women with low self-esteem. They can't live with themselves, unless they somehow prove to the rest of the world that this particular girl is an ugly duckling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

Hey, what makes you think men wearing thick rimmed glasses and black turtle necks don't get rigid? You sound very shallow and judgmental yourself. ; )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

You're missing the point. All that is the result of her looks, so her looks must have raised some eyebrows in her time. The simple fact OP denies for some reason.

No one was talking about Melania, she's just an example of someone who'll get trashed by women with low self-esteem. They can't live with themselves, unless they somehow prove to the rest of the world that this particular girl is an ugly duckling.

Or OP just don't think she's attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

You're missing the point. All that is the result of her looks, so her looks must have raised some eyebrows in her time. The simple fact OP denies for some reason.

No one was talking about Melania, she's just an example of someone who'll get trashed by women with low self-esteem. They can't live with themselves, unless they somehow prove to the rest of the world that this particular girl is an ugly duckling.

Or OP just don't think she's attractive.

** doesn't **

[Anonymous]

My dh does the generalizing thing and it bugs me. Everything I do is part of "how I am". He thinks I am ultra sensitive to people characterizing me; I think it's just an annoying habit of his. What's the consensus on this part of OP's complaint?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

Hey, what makes you think men wearing thick rimmed glasses and black turtle necks don't get rigid? You sound very shallow and judgmental yourself. ; )

I was just being silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

You actually sounds like the idiot. Attractiveness is subjective, meaning your opinion doesn't rule in this life. As a person with an opinion she can comment on anyone's looks, it's called free speech...lol

You sound like her controlling husband who expects her to have the same opinion and if she doesn't he will put her in her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe I'm writing this because it's so stupid! But this is my life...one example of a familiar theme. As a casual comment related to a conversations about the presidential race, I said I do not find Melania Trump attractive and DH flew off the handle and said, among other things, that he doesn't want me to be "one of those people" who complain about attractive people and act threatened. He said it reflects my lack of confidence and ability the have fun. Apparently, he wants me to say, "she's hot!" or something. We're both liberal, if that matters. Also, if it matters, I do consider myself to be an attractive person and don't not feel insecure about my looks most of the time. My issue with this situation is that every time I disagree w/ DH, he has to make it about some greater personal flaw of mine rather than just agreeing to disagree and now I'm really pissed about this ridiculous conversation! Is this a normal marital conversation? Is this a case of someone who loves me knowing how to push my buttons or is it a case of a husband who really doesn't like his wife?

it may be the bolded piece. When someone is super critical of another, it is typically because they don't like or respect them. I am sorry. You need to tell him that he is being disrespectful and needs to cut it out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Melania's appearance is definitely relevant and absolutely fair game. If it weren't for her looks we would never have heard of her.
Her profession and marriage are 100% a result of physical appearance. If you were critical about a friend or neighbor's looks or
judged everyone based on superficial traits, I would get his criticism but this is just silly. I am not imagining him wearing thick rimmed
glasses and a black turtle neck for some reason. He sounds very rigid.

You're missing the point. All that is the result of her looks, so her looks must have raised some eyebrows in her time. The simple fact OP denies for some reason.

No one was talking about Melania, she's just an example of someone who'll get trashed by women with low self-esteem. They can't live with themselves, unless they somehow prove to the rest of the world that this particular girl is an ugly duckling.

I personally don't care about her looks one way or the other. I was just saying it's fair to discuss them. But if I were going to discuss her looks, I'd say all of those
accolades, the money and fame are a result of what her looks were not what they are. That woman can wear a dress but... That is just my opinion. Beauty
is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has a right to their own opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would annoy me. My ex would analyze me like that and talk like he is so right. Annoying AF

+1. So glad I found someone better.

Op I doubt you can change him so I'd suggest you learn to cope

I disagree. She needs to tell him that's great and she respect his opinion. Then explain to control freak that she has her own whether he likes it or not. If he wants to continue to make personal attacks because his liberal views can't allow a difference of opinion without PERSONAL attacks then I would suggest a therapist for him.

[Anonymous]

Sure sometimes people in marriages need to call each other out on some BS we say. My DH one time made an offhand remark about amputees, I can't even remember the context, but I FLEW off the handle on him because my grandfather didn't have an entire leg and I thought his comment was utter bullshit. It was. He wasn't happy I freaked out on him, but he did realize he'd been pretty insensitive.

So. Yes, I think these things can be normal. However the last line of your post caught me: "or is it a case of a husband who really doesn't like his wife?"

That's not ok. If you feel that way, something is seriously wrong. My DH and I call each other on BS, but we don't ever doubt the other one's love for each other. Much less that we like each other. I'd explore where that thought came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

It is petty. It doesn't reflect well on OP whether she likes it or not. DH made the mistake of pointing out a flaw her in character. She got pissed. It's normal. That's what people do.

A flaw in her character? Please. Unless OP has a pattern of insulting women, making a joke about Melania Trump is hardly a character flaw.

Try substituting Hilary Clinton for Melania Trump and ponder how you or op would feel. Insulting women, making a joke about any women's looks is indeed a character flaw--one you apparently share with op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

It is petty. It doesn't reflect well on OP whether she likes it or not. DH made the mistake of pointing out a flaw her in character. She got pissed. It's normal. That's what people do.

A flaw in her character? Please. Unless OP has a pattern of insulting women, making a joke about Melania Trump is hardly a character flaw.

Try substituting Hilary Clinton for Melania Trump and ponder how you or op would feel. Insulting women, making a joke about any women's looks is indeed a character flaw--one you apparently share with op.

Again, I just don't care what she looks like. Before this I've never thought about it or discussed it. But I do have eyes and an opinion. I also think Martin O'malley is hot and
Mitch Mcconnell looks like a turtle. Having an opinion about someone's appearance doesn't make you sexist and it's not a character flaw.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP, it's called observation and having an opinion.

The real issue are people who can't tolerate another's point of view. I'm afraid you might have married someone like that. Next time tell DH, "your entitled to your opinion, same with me".

It's like those wacko protester's who want to stop a convention and not allow a candidate to speak.