DH doesn't want me to be "one of those people"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

It is petty. It doesn't reflect well on OP whether she likes it or not. DH made the mistake of pointing out a flaw her in character. She got pissed. It's normal. That's what people do.

A flaw in her character? Please. Unless OP has a pattern of insulting women, making a joke about Melania Trump is hardly a character flaw.

Try substituting Hilary Clinton for Melania Trump and ponder how you or op would feel. Insulting women, making a joke about any women's looks is indeed a character flaw--one you apparently share with op.

Again, I just don't care what she looks like. Before this I've never thought about it or discussed it. But I do have eyes and an opinion. I also think Martin O'malley is hot and
Mitch Mcconnell looks like a turtle. Having an opinion about someone's appearance doesn't make you sexist and it's not a character flaw.

Expressing it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

It is petty. It doesn't reflect well on OP whether she likes it or not. DH made the mistake of pointing out a flaw her in character. She got pissed. It's normal. That's what people do.

A flaw in her character? Please. Unless OP has a pattern of insulting women, making a joke about Melania Trump is hardly a character flaw.

Try substituting Hilary Clinton for Melania Trump and ponder how you or op would feel. Insulting women, making a joke about any women's looks is indeed a character flaw--one you apparently share with op.

Again, I just don't care what she looks like. Before this I've never thought about it or discussed it. But I do have eyes and an opinion. I also think Martin O'malley is hot and
Mitch Mcconnell looks like a turtle. Having an opinion about someone's appearance doesn't make you sexist and it's not a character flaw.

Expressing it does.

I rarely laugh out loud at comment, so thank you! That's great. So, you can think anything you want, something racist, sexist, classist but until you say it, it's not a flaw?
That's awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania Trump is gorgeous. Maybe you shouldn't have judged her because you sound like an idiot.

Maybe you shouldn't judge ANY woman's looks. You sound vey young, vacuous, and immature.

? You state OP shouldn't judge a person's look but you, PP, did just that. You made a judgement call on her looks, whether positive or negative, that is judgement.

We all have opinions on who is attractive/not attractive. Why is stating that opinion to your spouse considered judgemental? Do you not see a person, and think, "that person is good looking"? Jugdement call.

OP - I had the same argument once with my DH. He got mad at me for disagreeing with everything he said. Something like - "you always have to disagree with me." My response: "I disagree with you because that is my opinion. If you wanted a wife who agreed with you on everything, then you really picked the wrong wife, but you knew that I wasn't the type to only agree with a man to start with, so what's so surprising about it now"?

BTW, he also disagrees with me on most things (we differ on politics and religion), yet, I don't get mad at him. Maybe it's a man thing. IDK.

This was in the first couple of years of our marriage. He knows better now to get mad at me for stating my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

It is petty. It doesn't reflect well on OP whether she likes it or not. DH made the mistake of pointing out a flaw her in character. She got pissed. It's normal. That's what people do.

A flaw in her character? Please. Unless OP has a pattern of insulting women, making a joke about Melania Trump is hardly a character flaw.

Try substituting Hilary Clinton for Melania Trump and ponder how you or op would feel. Insulting women, making a joke about any women's looks is indeed a character flaw--one you apparently share with op.

Again, I just don't care what she looks like. Before this I've never thought about it or discussed it. But I do have eyes and an opinion. I also think Martin O'malley is hot and
Mitch Mcconnell looks like a turtle. Having an opinion about someone's appearance doesn't make you sexist and it's not a character flaw.

Expressing it does.

I rarely laugh out loud at comment, so thank you! That's great. So, you can think anything you want, something racist, sexist, classist but until you say it, it's not a flaw?
That's awesome.

We make racist, sexist, homophobic comments at home. Guess what? It's private and we can!!!

In a healthy relationship you agree to disagree. Tell him that one OP.

For the record I never thought Fabio was good looking, but that's my OPINION. You're allowed to have yours!

[Anonymous]

OP your husband sounds like an ass for turning everything you say into an indication of some deep-seated flaw in you.

But honestly, just don't be one of those people whose instant critique of any woman anywhere begins and ends with her appearance.

If you aren't one of them, great. Dismiss your husband's comments as yet more of his own BS spilling over on you. But maybe ask yourself if you often find that when you are discussing women, it's their looks that you fixate on and denigrate. You may not have noticed a pattern, but other people would.

[Anonymous]

OP next time your husband makes remarks about a woman's looks turn it around. Give it right back to him about "being one of those people".

See if he get's it. Does he make those stupid comment's about other opinions you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both sound exhausting.

But since you're asking, I can't grasp why a "liberal" woman would insult a politician's wife's looks. Maybe your husband found it petty.

90% of DCUM

[Anonymous]

This is such an idiotic discussion. All these people dont make comments to their spouses about the appearance of people on TV? Seriously? Liars, all of you.

[Anonymous]

Beauty is subjective - perhaps the OP honestly doesn't think Melania Trump is attractive. And maybe her husband doesn't really get that different people can have different opinions about whether someone is attractive.

Not finding someone beautiful is not necessarily a sign of jealousy or envy or insecurity.

For the record, I think Melania Trump is beautiful. I don't think she would make a very good First Lady, and I think her judgment in marrying Trump is questionable. But beautiful? More beautiful than most people? Yes. (I didn't really think Ivana Trump or Marla Maples were exceptionally attractive.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beauty is subjective - perhaps the OP honestly doesn't think Melania Trump is attractive. And maybe her husband doesn't really get that different people can have different opinions about whether someone is attractive.

Not finding someone beautiful is not necessarily a sign of jealousy or envy or insecurity.

For the record, I think Melania Trump is beautiful. I don't think she would make a very good First Lady, and I think her judgment in marrying Trump is questionable. But beautiful? More beautiful than most people? Yes. (I didn't really think Ivana Trump or Marla Maples were exceptionally attractive.)

I agree but Donald Trump isn't the prettiest flower in the garden. Of course I don't care, I still think he has the values to make some good changes unlike our current president...what's his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an idiotic discussion. All these people dont make comments to their spouses about the appearance of people on TV? Seriously? Liars, all of you.

Yes, this. Everyone does...many long noses on this board!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an idiotic discussion. All these people dont make comments to their spouses about the appearance of people on TV? Seriously? Liars, all of you.

Um...I think the issue is whether or not this is her go-to comment about women, not whether or not anyone should ever criticize someone's appearance.

[Anonymous]

Both of you were wrong. Chalk it up to being tired/stressed / it's still cold outside, etc.

Let it go. Your DH is not perfect. Who is? Maybe next time calmly explain that it hurts your feelings. He can disagree but doesn't need to take it so far. But be humble and apologize for what you said too - maybe you didn't mean it quite like that, whatever.

Again let this one go. Focus on your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

OP, depends if this is a pattern or a one time thing. If it's a pattern of discounting and deflecting your views then he has a problem obviously.

[Anonymous]

It's possible to find Melaina Trump unattractive, but it's difficult to trust that someone is being honest when they express that opinion. She's not a border line case where opinions can easily differ. She's made a career out of the fact that her appearance is one that most people find attractive.

The easier (but possibly incorrect) explanation is that OP has another motive for saying that she finds Trump unattractive. I think that's what OP's husband is reacting to.