Social/career implications of buying a beach house for SAHM

[Anonymous]

Also, still the PP, I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a location in such a family friendly place for 300k...are you in DC? Is this Rehoboth? I could be wrong but I tend to think of a lot of those new developments as appealing to retirees. We would love to buy a house in rehoboth but the location I like is within blocks to the beach and homes are easily about $1 million for a fairly simple house, so not in the budget for a second home. And, oh yeah, DH and I LOVE the beach, but the kids don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

This seems extreme. We have a beach house, yet have "community" that we have built in both settings (here and there). It's not that hard. If you are a social person, in general, OP - it will actually be quite fun. I would not do the beach house thing for that one reason, but it can be fun. Besides, there really are not that many people in this area during the summer months - it is too hot and humid! PP here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, still the PP, I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a location in such a family friendly place for 300k...are you in DC? Is this Rehoboth? I could be wrong but I tend to think of a lot of those new developments as appealing to retirees. We would love to buy a house in rehoboth but the location I like is within blocks to the beach and homes are easily about $1 million for a fairly simple house, so not in the budget for a second home. And, oh yeah, DH and I LOVE the beach, but the kids don't

PP again. I did not realize OP was limited to 300k. That will be too difficult, IMHO, OP. I don't know where you want to be, but $300k is unheard in our beach community. I assume you want to be within walking distance to the beach? Also, consider that some areas have private beaches, where you have to be an owner in order to use the beach. Whatever you do, do NOT rely on Google to tell you this - as this is one of those "local knowledge reigns supreme" items! At the very least, you need a realtor that is very familiar with each specific area. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

This seems extreme. We have a beach house, yet have "community" that we have built in both settings (here and there). It's not that hard. If you are a social person, in general, OP - it will actually be quite fun. I would not do the beach house thing for that one reason, but it can be fun. Besides, there really are not that many people in this area during the summer months - it is too hot and humid! PP here.

I'm the PP that wrote that and I agree with you! Just not for OP - in her previous posts she talks about loneliness, people not accepting play date invites etc...having no weekend plans, it seems like this is where she should focus her efforts and that she is romanticizung the beach house idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

This seems extreme. We have a beach house, yet have "community" that we have built in both settings (here and there). It's not that hard. If you are a social person, in general, OP - it will actually be quite fun. I would not do the beach house thing for that one reason, but it can be fun. Besides, there really are not that many people in this area during the summer months - it is too hot and humid! PP here.

I'm the PP that wrote that and I agree with you! Just not for OP - in her previous posts she talks about loneliness, people not accepting play date invites etc...having no weekend plans, it seems like this is where she should focus her efforts and that she is romanticizung the beach house idea.

+1. If she can't make friends in DC, why would she assume she can make friends elsewhere? She'll take her social awkwardness wherever she goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, still the PP, I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a location in such a family friendly place for 300k...are you in DC? Is this Rehoboth? I could be wrong but I tend to think of a lot of those new developments as appealing to retirees. We would love to buy a house in rehoboth but the location I like is within blocks to the beach and homes are easily about $1 million for a fairly simple house, so not in the budget for a second home. And, oh yeah, DH and I LOVE the beach, but the kids don't

PP again. I did not realize OP was limited to 300k. That will be too difficult, IMHO, OP. I don't know where you want to be, but $300k is unheard in our beach community. I assume you want to be within walking distance to the beach? Also, consider that some areas have private beaches, where you have to be an owner in order to use the beach. Whatever you do, do NOT rely on Google to tell you this - as this is one of those "local knowledge reigns supreme" items! At the very least, you need a realtor that is very familiar with each specific area. GL.

OP here. We're not looking for walking distance to the beach, our budget won't accommodate that. Once you get further out, 300K is realistic (at least in the research I've done so far) for an updated townhouse that's about a 10-15 minute drive to the beach. We're fine with that. We just hope to find a family friendly community that we can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, still the PP, I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a location in such a family friendly place for 300k...are you in DC? Is this Rehoboth? I could be wrong but I tend to think of a lot of those new developments as appealing to retirees. We would love to buy a house in rehoboth but the location I like is within blocks to the beach and homes are easily about $1 million for a fairly simple house, so not in the budget for a second home. And, oh yeah, DH and I LOVE the beach, but the kids don't

PP again. I did not realize OP was limited to 300k. That will be too difficult, IMHO, OP. I don't know where you want to be, but $300k is unheard in our beach community. I assume you want to be within walking distance to the beach? Also, consider that some areas have private beaches, where you have to be an owner in order to use the beach. Whatever you do, do NOT rely on Google to tell you this - as this is one of those "local knowledge reigns supreme" items! At the very least, you need a realtor that is very familiar with each specific area. GL.

OP here. We're not looking for walking distance to the beach, our budget won't accommodate that. Once you get further out, 300K is realistic (at least in the research I've done so far) for an updated townhouse that's about a 10-15 minute drive to the beach. We're fine with that. We just hope to find a family friendly community that we can afford.

I don't know that "family friendly beach community" and "affordable" coincide, from what I know? Hopefully I am wrong. Do you have any place in mind OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

This seems extreme. We have a beach house, yet have "community" that we have built in both settings (here and there). It's not that hard. If you are a social person, in general, OP - it will actually be quite fun. I would not do the beach house thing for that one reason, but it can be fun. Besides, there really are not that many people in this area during the summer months - it is too hot and humid! PP here.

I'm the PP that wrote that and I agree with you! Just not for OP - in her previous posts she talks about loneliness, people not accepting play date invites etc...having no weekend plans, it seems like this is where she should focus her efforts and that she is romanticizung the beach house idea.

+1. If she can't make friends in DC, why would she assume she can make friends elsewhere? She'll take her social awkwardness wherever she goes.

Don't fret, I am pretty sure she is not interested in being friends with you. Though you seem so friendly and happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

OP here. I originally came up with the idea of getting a beach house because I dislike our neighborhood/house/this area so much. We've been in our SFH for 8 years, bought it pre-kids when we didn't realize how unfriendly and un-family friendly our neighborhood is. Now that we have young kids, we're the only family with young kids in the neighborhood, and our neighbors and neighborhood is incredibly unfriendly. As a SAHM who is home a lot (of course we go out every day but I'm still home a lot for naps and the afternoons), I feel uncomfortable in my neighborhood every day and wish we hadn't bought here.

We've also talked about leaving the area entirely and moving out of state, though not to where the grandparents are (husband doesn't want to move to Hawaii where my parents are, and doesn't want to move to the West Coast where his parents are). These aren't our hometowns, just where our parents retired to.

He said it's too much of a risk to leave his job and find a new job in a random city where we have no ties, which I agree with. However, another compromise would be to stay in this area but find a new house, he says we'll lose too much money on our house because we put a lot into the house in terms of renovations and we over-improved for the neighborhood, so if we sold we would sell at a huge loss, which was fine at the time we did the renovations/addition because we figured we'd be in the house for 30 years but now with kids I feel like this is not the right neighborhood for us. He also doesn't want the hassle of packing up the whole house and moving. Our neighbors are not only unfriendly and inconsiderate, but openly nasty towards us and it makes me uncomfortable being in this house.

So husband says we're staying in this house for the next 30 years so I came up with the idea of getting a beach house as a compromise--we'd stay in our current house but get a beach house so I can have an escape from our awful neighborhood and lack of community here, and we'd get a new construction house that's fully updated in a family friendly neighborhood (at least this is what we'd love to find), and the kids and I would go there on the weekends that he is working and stay there most of the summer, and he would join us when he can, and we'd invite the grandparents to stay with us there. It sounds like a good idea to me, and a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

OP here. I originally came up with the idea of getting a beach house because I dislike our neighborhood/house/this area so much. We've been in our SFH for 8 years, bought it pre-kids when we didn't realize how unfriendly and un-family friendly our neighborhood is. Now that we have young kids, we're the only family with young kids in the neighborhood, and our neighbors and neighborhood is incredibly unfriendly. As a SAHM who is home a lot (of course we go out every day but I'm still home a lot for naps and the afternoons), I feel uncomfortable in my neighborhood every day and wish we hadn't bought here.

We've also talked about leaving the area entirely and moving out of state, though not to where the grandparents are (husband doesn't want to move to Hawaii where my parents are, and doesn't want to move to the West Coast where his parents are). These aren't our hometowns, just where our parents retired to.

He said it's too much of a risk to leave his job and find a new job in a random city where we have no ties, which I agree with. However, another compromise would be to stay in this area but find a new house, he says we'll lose too much money on our house because we put a lot into the house in terms of renovations and we over-improved for the neighborhood, so if we sold we would sell at a huge loss, which was fine at the time we did the renovations/addition because we figured we'd be in the house for 30 years but now with kids I feel like this is not the right neighborhood for us. He also doesn't want the hassle of packing up the whole house and moving. Our neighbors are not only unfriendly and inconsiderate, but openly nasty towards us and it makes me uncomfortable being in this house.

So husband says we're staying in this house for the next 30 years so I came up with the idea of getting a beach house as a compromise--we'd stay in our current house but get a beach house so I can have an escape from our awful neighborhood and lack of community here, and we'd get a new construction house that's fully updated in a family friendly neighborhood (at least this is what we'd love to find), and the kids and I would go there on the weekends that he is working and stay there most of the summer, and he would join us when he can, and we'd invite the grandparents to stay with us there. It sounds like a good idea to me, and a good compromise.

Is your DH on board with the beach house idea? Because a couple people have said that they are losing money on their beach houses (full disclosure, I do not have a beach house). So if your DH is okay with losing money on a beach house, why not accept losing some money on your primary residence and move to a friendlier neighborhood? It makes me sad to think that you are so miserable and the beach house sounds like it is just your plan to escape the misery of your everyday life. I would focus your energies on improving your everyday life first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is your DH on board with the beach house idea? Because a couple people have said that they are losing money on their beach houses (full disclosure, I do not have a beach house). So if your DH is okay with losing money on a beach house, why not accept losing some money on your primary residence and move to a friendlier neighborhood? It makes me sad to think that you are so miserable and the beach house sounds like it is just your plan to escape the misery of your everyday life. I would focus your energies on improving your everyday life first and foremost.

+1000
There seems to be a much simpler solution to this problem and that is to move locally. We moved locally about 3 years ago and I could NOT be happier with our decision. Remember, even if you're spending some time at the beach, this is really the neighborhood where your kids will grow up. And it sounds like not a good fit at ALL. Sometimes the right answer is, in fact, staring you in the face! I hope you find happiness, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, still the PP, I'm not sure how easy it will be to find a location in such a family friendly place for 300k...are you in DC? Is this Rehoboth? I could be wrong but I tend to think of a lot of those new developments as appealing to retirees. We would love to buy a house in rehoboth but the location I like is within blocks to the beach and homes are easily about $1 million for a fairly simple house, so not in the budget for a second home. And, oh yeah, DH and I LOVE the beach, but the kids don't

Different PP here. There are houses Bethany Meadows, a little further out from Bethany, for closer to $220,000. Similar prices in Ocean View and Frankford, which are the same area. Biking distance to the beach, not walking distance. They have a mixture of retired people, young families, and some rentals. Any realtor down at the beach will be able to direct you to the type of family-friendly community OP is looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really don't think this is about a beach house...I think you are running from your life and you sound a little depressed, perhaps not clinically, but just down...potentially understandably so. Why is your DH calling all the shots? Please, please work on building community where you live and consider the beach house a bit later. I'm worried the beach house will make you less likely to become enmeshed in your own community.

OP here. I originally came up with the idea of getting a beach house because I dislike our neighborhood/house/this area so much. We've been in our SFH for 8 years, bought it pre-kids when we didn't realize how unfriendly and un-family friendly our neighborhood is. Now that we have young kids, we're the only family with young kids in the neighborhood, and our neighbors and neighborhood is incredibly unfriendly. As a SAHM who is home a lot (of course we go out every day but I'm still home a lot for naps and the afternoons), I feel uncomfortable in my neighborhood every day and wish we hadn't bought here.

We've also talked about leaving the area entirely and moving out of state, though not to where the grandparents are (husband doesn't want to move to Hawaii where my parents are, and doesn't want to move to the West Coast where his parents are). These aren't our hometowns, just where our parents retired to.

He said it's too much of a risk to leave his job and find a new job in a random city where we have no ties, which I agree with. However, another compromise would be to stay in this area but find a new house, he says we'll lose too much money on our house because we put a lot into the house in terms of renovations and we over-improved for the neighborhood, so if we sold we would sell at a huge loss, which was fine at the time we did the renovations/addition because we figured we'd be in the house for 30 years but now with kids I feel like this is not the right neighborhood for us. He also doesn't want the hassle of packing up the whole house and moving. Our neighbors are not only unfriendly and inconsiderate, but openly nasty towards us and it makes me uncomfortable being in this house.

So husband says we're staying in this house for the next 30 years so I came up with the idea of getting a beach house as a compromise--we'd stay in our current house but get a beach house so I can have an escape from our awful neighborhood and lack of community here, and we'd get a new construction house that's fully updated in a family friendly neighborhood (at least this is what we'd love to find), and the kids and I would go there on the weekends that he is working and stay there most of the summer, and he would join us when he can, and we'd invite the grandparents to stay with us there. It sounds like a good idea to me, and a good compromise.

I'm the one who wrote that I think you are running from something...what do YOU think OP? You write about your husbands assessment of selling the house....is he right? Are you in the DC area btw? Not that your DH's views don't count, they do, but so go yours. If you are that miserable, being told you can't move for 30 yrs seems kind of harsh. Does he know how unhappy you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Your DH does not have a "demanding" job if he actually takes 6 weeks of vacation a year. Demanding jobs give you unlimited vacation because they know nobody will take any of it.
2. Don't buy a beach house when your kids are under 2. Do you know what happens when they are in elementary school? They spend the entire weekend at games, practices, parties, and events.
3. You aren't going to be able to get a job in a few years and still get a lot of use out of a beach house.
4. Save the money you would have spent. If you are just now "finally" able to afford a beach house, you need to be saving your money rather than spending it.
5. Your friends who are too busy to see you much now because they work full time are not going to spend a lot of time with you at the beach house. They spend their weekends grocery shopping, running errands, and shuttling their kids around.

I agree with this 100 percent, spoken as someone who also loves the beach and in theory would love a beach house but in reality knows it is not practical for us.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it would be better to take a loss on your house & move locally than put $300k into a house your use maybe 1/4 of the year.