If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised to see the vitriol toward remarried parents here.

I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?

Agreed. I think the best thing is not to divorce. The posters saying the issues are carried into the next relationships are spot on. But....if you do divorce, or your spouse walks out on you with his AP and divorces you as mine did, then you deserve to remarry and be happy. Your kids have the stain of divorce on their childhoods whether or not you remarry.

First your kids deserve to be happy. Their needs come first...certainly...before your next husband. It all depends on how your child feels, if he/she likes your new bf. Would he/she want him to move in or both of you move to his home with his kids?

A lot of kids are happier when their parents remarry. Particularly younger ones. Combined incomes aren't a bad thing in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

What is the age difference? Ours are 4 yrs apart and this seems just to be enough to cause conflict.

3 years, but I think it is more an issue of their personalities. They are both a bit on the intense side, but have very different interests, and so they don't even have common activities (like video games or sports) to bring them together.

[Anonymous]

This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

I didn't say they had to get along. I said it was a difficult situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

Putting your child in the position of calling the shots in any of your dating life or any life decisions for that matter is not psychologically healthy. Haven't you ever heard the term "mini-spouse"? It's more damaging to a kid to let them be the ruler of your household than it is to say "Hey Larla, please try and be kind to Larlo".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of the step parents have answered why they even need to get re-married in the first place.

You can have a relationship with the other parent and even move in together, but there's no reason to get married.

You've already demonstrated that marriage as a formal institution is let's say "disposable." What is the point in getting re-married at all?

For my ex-dh the marriage was disposable, for me it was important to marry the person I love and share my life with. I don't think it's better for kids not to marry and just live together. That's really not setting a good example. I can't control my ex divorcing me, but I can control if I want to marry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

Putting your child in the position of calling the shots in any of your dating life or any life decisions for that matter is not psychologically healthy. Haven't you ever heard the term "mini-spouse"? It's more damaging to a kid to let them be the ruler of your household than it is to say "Hey Larla, please try and be kind to Larlo".

No they don't get to call the shots because they are children. However, if they truly don't want you to marry someone they dislike or that person's children; then that's the clue it won't work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

I didn't say they had to get along. I said it was a difficult situation.

A difficult situation, created by you, your ex, and your new spouse. Not by the children.

But they are given no choice in the matter.

What if my spouse cheats and leaves me ? I didn't have a choice ! So by that logic my kids will end up with depressed parent because I got screwed over by cheating DW and now I'm supposed to eat yet another shit sandwich and stay single until such time as they are okay with ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

I didn't say they had to get along. I said it was a difficult situation.

A difficult situation, created by you, your ex, and your new spouse. Not by the children.

But they are given no choice in the matter.

What if my spouse cheats and leaves me ? I didn't have a choice ! So by that logic my kids will end up with depressed parent because I got screwed over by cheating DW and now I'm supposed to eat yet another shit sandwich and stay single until such time as they are okay with ?

You can't be happy without a man. Wow I feel sorry for you. So you having a family and enjoying them is a shit sandwich? You're a peach, poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

Putting your child in the position of calling the shots in any of your dating life or any life decisions for that matter is not psychologically healthy. Haven't you ever heard the term "mini-spouse"? It's more damaging to a kid to let them be the ruler of your household than it is to say "Hey Larla, please try and be kind to Larlo".

It's not psychologically healthy to let your child have any say in how he or she will get to live his or her life? After you and/or your ex spouse have messed it up bigtime already?

Your kind of attitude is why step families fail. You just don't give two shits about what the kids think about it.

It's scary when I read some of these posts. It's that old saying, just look at someone's behavior that will tell you. Yes many obviously will mess up their kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

I didn't say they had to get along. I said it was a difficult situation.

A difficult situation, created by you, your ex, and your new spouse. Not by the children.

But they are given no choice in the matter.

What if my spouse cheats and leaves me ? I didn't have a choice ! So by that logic my kids will end up with depressed parent because I got screwed over by cheating DW and now I'm supposed to eat yet another shit sandwich and stay single until such time as they are okay with ?

If my spouse cheats and leaves I will send the new bimbo wine and flowers for taking a cheater off my hands. Not wasting time and more years with this type of person. I will move on and be happy that I have my kids, hopefully won't make that mistake in judgement again. You sound like you have very low self esteem. My kids come before any guy or his kids. I might date down the road, BUT it would have to really work with all of us. Meaning the kids would come first.
If you can't be happy single, friends, YOUR FRICKIN KIDS, then you have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

NO. His kids are BRATS and I would say I hated them if they were adults and not teens. I tell everyone who asks not to date or marry a man with kids. Major regrets here.

[Anonymous]

So this thread seems to have been hijacked by some imbalanced nutbag.
My 2 cents, as a child (now adult) of a blended family: there were definitely difficult moments. I resented my step parents and step siblings. But now that I am older with my own family, I am very happy and grateful that both of my parents have partners that they love and that love them, and that they look after each other. This gives me a sense of security for their old age. No sad and/or bitter single elderly parents!

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents got remarried and I have 4 great half-sisters because of it. It wasn't always perfect, but it's turned out to be a tremendous blessing.

I am divorced, have twins, and primary custody. My long-term bf lives with us. He's divorced and has twins as well, but they live with their mother out-of-state. Our twins are about 2 years apart in age. It works out pretty well but we make a concerted effort to make sure I have time with my kids and he has time with his kids. If the occasion arose and his kids were to live with us, I'd happily welcome them. It would be challenging for everyone, I'm sure, but I have a lot of experience and believe strongly in family counseling.

I will not be having anymore children - mostly because I want my children to have at least one parent who is just theirs and not to feel left out. While I love my sisters and my huge family, they each have memories and traditions that don't include me. Part of this is because there is a significant age difference (I'm 10 - 20 years older than my sisters) and because I was at the other parents house at time. I sometimes feel that I'm not fully apart of the family because I can't reminisce on everything they can. It's a little bit lonely feeling. I don't want my children to experience that - so no more kids for me.

I'm saddened by the vitriol in this thread. Parents deserve happiness and don't have to put their lives on hold until their kids are grown. That's not right, nor healthy. It is important that parents take the children into consideration when choosing a new partner. If my parents had waited until I was grown - my life would be a shit show and I wouldn't have the great family that I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.

Why should they get along with each other?

Just because it's more convenient for the parents?

You married the other kid's father. Your kid did not marry the other kid.

Putting your child in the position of calling the shots in any of your dating life or any life decisions for that matter is not psychologically healthy. Haven't you ever heard the term "mini-spouse"? It's more damaging to a kid to let them be the ruler of your household than it is to say "Hey Larla, please try and be kind to Larlo".

It's not psychologically healthy to let your child have any say in how he or she will get to live his or her life? After you and/or your ex spouse have messed it up bigtime already?

Your kind of attitude is why step families fail. You just don't give two shits about what the kids think about it.

I agree. The kids lives have already been displaced by the divorce. Why remarry on top of that. Can't you be the grownup and wait? Or at least wait till the kids go to college? Stop thinking about YOURSELF!

[Anonymous]

Why does the one bitter, unhinged lady whose husband remarried have to come on these threads and bash everyone who gets remarried as selfish? It's old honey, just move on already.