I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she loves that she has two homes.

OK.....sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, do you realize that this forum is full of married women who are worried that someone will steal their dh?

A man can't be "stolen" he either wants to be with you or he doesn't. The ex didn't do anything to make him want to stay with her (no cooking, cleaning, or BJs) so she only has herself to blame.

Oh gosh, are you op? You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, so you have no compunction about your role in breaking up a family? You consider yourself a good, moral person?

No answer to my question, OP? I understand, it's convenient to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

That's okay, the ex-wife will be laughing her &ss off when DH cheats on OP when she is preoccupied with their young child, he gets sexually bored etc. It will happen. And then there will be even less $$ for her to receive child support.

[Anonymous]

Ah, so your unique connection is because you cook, clean, and give blowjobs.

This is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Were you neighbors? Are you soulmates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she loves that she has two homes.

OK.....sure.

So she can help your future child through it when your DH dumps you for someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the ex-wife taking it? I mean, do you care at all? What did this do to her life, and her kid's life? Not what he tells you, what you see for yourself.

She's moved on and dating. Their daughter is fine, she spends the weekends with us and she loves that she has two homes.

People. This is a troll.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you embarrassed that your relationship started as an affair? What did your friends and family think? were children involved?

Not at all, you can't help who you fall in love with. They didn't like it at first, but they see how happy we are together. He has one kid with his ex. We're TTC now.

Actually, you can help who you fall in love with. Falling in love is more than sexual attraction, more than chemistry, it comes from building a close personal relationship that takes deliberate effort over a sustained period of time.

Cheaters believe in "you can't help who you fall in love with" because it absolves them of any blame or responsibility for the affair.

unfortunately, if you can't help who you fall in love with, you also can't help who you fall out of love with....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1 It was awkward enough doing playdates with the cheater dad, but at least I could tell myself that it was about our kids' friendship and I shouldn't punish a nice kid because his dad was an ass. But then dad makes a playdate, I take my kid to the house and the only adult at home is the homewrecker (of course they moved in together immediately) playing wife and mommy. So I got stuck having to answer "Who was that lady, she's not Larlo's mom, why does she live there?" and I had to figure out what to say to the ex-wife who is a very nice woman who I like a lot. Never again!

NP here. I find it odd that you have way worse things to say about the OW than the husband who cheated. IMHO, he's the true "homewrecker" who blew up his own family. The OW is maybe an accessory to the crime, but the husband is the true criminal in my view. And in this day and age, you're going to have to get used to explaining to your kids about divorce and remarriage, "Larlo's mom doesn't live there anymore. Larlo's dad has a new friend that he lives with, and Larlo's mom has her own new house." Kids are adaptable.

BTW, I have no skin in this game. Happily married with no indication of infidelity on either side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you embarrassed that your relationship started as an affair? What did your friends and family think? were children involved?

Not at all, you can't help who you fall in love with. They didn't like it at first, but they see how happy we are together. He has one kid with his ex. We're TTC now.

Actually, you can help who you fall in love with. Falling in love is more than sexual attraction, more than chemistry, it comes from building a close personal relationship that takes deliberate effort over a sustained period of time.

Cheaters believe in "you can't help who you fall in love with" because it absolves them of any blame or responsibility for the affair.

unfortunately, if you can't help who you fall in love with, you also can't help who you fall out of love with....

You're right, it is more than sexual attraction. It's about cooking, cleaning and blow jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any bets on how soon he/she will cheat on you?

He won't cheat on me. He was very unhappy with his first wife and very happy with me.

Hahahaha!!!! LOL of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1 It was awkward enough doing playdates with the cheater dad, but at least I could tell myself that it was about our kids' friendship and I shouldn't punish a nice kid because his dad was an ass. But then dad makes a playdate, I take my kid to the house and the only adult at home is the homewrecker (of course they moved in together immediately) playing wife and mommy. So I got stuck having to answer "Who was that lady, she's not Larlo's mom, why does she live there?" and I had to figure out what to say to the ex-wife who is a very nice woman who I like a lot. Never again!

NP here. I find it odd that you have way worse things to say about the OW than the husband who cheated. IMHO, he's the true "homewrecker" who blew up his own family. The OW is maybe an accessory to the crime, but the husband is the true criminal in my view. And in this day and age, you're going to have to get used to explaining to your kids about divorce and remarriage, "Larlo's mom doesn't live there anymore. Larlo's dad has a new friend that he lives with, and Larlo's mom has her own new house." Kids are adaptable.

BTW, I have no skin in this game. Happily married with no indication of infidelity on either side.

I am not the PP but have been in the same situation.

Kids don't come home and ask about the dad, most dads are generally absent in these scenarios and the OW is the one doing everything for the kids. While the dad is a creep the kid is usually bonded with the dad, no matter how much of a douche he is. Kids generally want to see their dad, but they don't see much of him even if n his weekends. The kids normally hate the new girlfriend(s) or new wives, so when they are avoiding their dads house it is because of the OW and her kids.

The dads end up spending more time with kids that are sometimes not even his biological kids.

When our kids friends vent about their life it is about how horrible the new woman and her children are to deal with. Sure they lament that their dad sucks too, but less so because of their bond, or their hope for what could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Friend" of people in a situation like this. FYI, we pretend it's normal to not cause drama, but we all feel sorry for her for being so naive and needy, and feel like he is a complete douchebag.

+1. Cheated upon ex-wife here. To his new wife, it appears the kids and I and my extended family are fine with the situation, because we are all polite to him and continue to include him in all events. The reality is that everyone thinks he's a jerk and are sad for the kids that he makes so many excuses to not fully live up to his responsibilities with them. Kids, of course, would never say anything negative to his face, because they don't want to lose him entirely, but they also think he's irresponsible.

I feel sort of sorry for the new wife. Long after he and I broke up, he started to date the new wife. I have absolute proof that he was cheating on her extensively while they were dating, but I can't tell her. It puts me in an awkkward position. If I told her about the cheating, she would never believe me. Plus, it would make child support and his continued relationship with the kids difficult.

So, I just paste on a smile and pretend everything is good.

But, don't mistake the outward superficial appearance that people are behaving normally to you to be a real reflection of their feelings toward you. Don't mistake that for the idea that peoe are happy for you, have any respect for you, think that your marriage will last, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the OW is worse than the cheater. He is WAY worse. But she's a jerk too. And she is getting ragged on because instead of just being like "I wasn't married so it didn't matter to me" she is making herself out to be some angel and the ex to be a bitch who deserved it. In her words, it is all the wife's fault and she and the husband are blameless. That's why she is getting harped on. In general the OW is not as bad as the husband.