Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You realize she had your fucking baby, you idiot? Women are not just baby incubators designed to pop them out and then shrink back for YOUR sexual pleasure.

The audacity of someone who can have someone else push THEIR baby out of their privates- and then be angry when said person does not snap back to the pre-another-human-living-inside-them-size...

If you could bottle that level of clueless self absorption, you could make a killing. Women should buy it, so they will learn to dump these kinds of losers and think of THEMSELVES, which would mean not putting up with this misogynistic bullshit.

Having a baby doesn't excuse anyone for gaining 50 pounds and not making an effort for physical intimacy with your spouse.

Yes it absolutely fucking does.

Do you even understand what happens to a woman's body when she is carrying ANOTHER PERSON inside?

She needs to take all the time she needs to recover. This is not the Duggars!

[Anonymous]

PIV hurts... have you tried other forms of gratification, does she have a v-brator?

[Anonymous]

OP, remember that it hurts her physically! It's kind of a lot to ask, to convincingly pretend to want and enjoy something that is physically painful.

Imagine that you saved your baby from a speeding locomotive or something, and in doing so, threw your back out. Would you want sex? That's what your wife is experiencing. She gave your child life. Now it hurts. Seriously, it isn't that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Lack of sex starting to cause issues/fights?

More like too many unattractive, bad habits to want to have sex w/you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that you don't like duty sex, but if she's taking a baby step towards sex, maybe you could try not to criticize her efforts. It sounds like you will only have sex if she approaches you in exactly the right way, and you don't even really desire her anyway. Maybe you're the one who needs to work on your libido.

You are correct that I "will only have sex if she approaches you in exactly the right way" where the right way includes any kind of overt physical touch at all.

I'm with the previous posters who've said that this is something we both have to want enough to talk about.

So what happens, she gives you a card and then you "calmly and compassionately" scold her for not also touching you? Try some positive reinforcement instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PIV hurts... have you tried other forms of gratification, does she have a v-brator?

I enjoy giving oral...she is too self-conscious to let me to this. I enjoy it enough that it helps me get aroused/cranked up, so I wish I could do this first. We do have bullets and other things. The problem is that my attempts at foreplay, etc, have been rejected, and I'm basically not getting aroused either. It's like having ED. I do not have ED - I have incredible morning wood - the equipment itself is in top working order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember that it hurts her physically! It's kind of a lot to ask, to convincingly pretend to want and enjoy something that is physically painful.

Ok, fair enough. I understand that.

So, answer me this: If it's painful, and she doesn't enjoy it, why is she upset that I'm not asking for PIV (or any sex)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of sex starting to cause issues/fights?

More like too many unattractive, bad habits to want to have sex w/you.

Ok, I completely believe this is possible - that I'm too mean, ugly or otherwise unattractive (no flosssing, brushing, poor hygiene, etc.) for her to want to have sex with me.

Why then is she upset that I'm not trying to have sex with her? Why wouldn't she just be relieved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PIV hurts... have you tried other forms of gratification, does she have a v-brator?

I enjoy giving oral...she is too self-conscious to let me to this. I enjoy it enough that it helps me get aroused/cranked up, so I wish I could do this first. We do have bullets and other things. The problem is that my attempts at foreplay, etc, have been rejected, and I'm basically not getting aroused either. It's like having ED. I do not have ED - I have incredible morning wood - the equipment itself is in top working order.

Maybe she is self conscious also about that area after having given birth and doesn't want you to go there. It does sound like she is very self conscious about her body after having kids. Was she as self conscious about it before giving birth? If she let you go down on her regularly before kids, and she doesn't now, then it's possible that she feels self conscious about that area. Not sure how to address that. I'm a DW, and these mental blocks are hard to overcome. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what happens, she gives you a card and then you "calmly and compassionately" scold her for not also touching you? Try some positive reinforcement instead.

I guess you're right...trying to give her a shoulder rub and affectionately rubbing her thigh and trying to give her oral was too much scolding...really, completely, that was just harsh of me to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is self conscious also about that area after having given birth and doesn't want you to go there. It does sound like she is very self conscious about her body after having kids. Was she as self conscious about it before giving birth? If she let you go down on her regularly before kids, and she doesn't now, then it's possible that she feels self conscious about that area.

She did, but not regularly...so yes, before the baby she was already somewhat self-conscious about it.

[Anonymous]

You say she is upset and feels rejected by you and that is why she is picking unrelated fights. How do you know this? How do you know that she wants you to desire her even though she is obviously pained when you give her attention? Maybe you are misdiagnosing the problem? Maybe she is doesn't care that you don't desire her, but is mad at you for other reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember that it hurts her physically! It's kind of a lot to ask, to convincingly pretend to want and enjoy something that is physically painful.

Ok, fair enough. I understand that.

So, answer me this: If it's painful, and she doesn't enjoy it, why is she upset that I'm not asking for PIV (or any sex)?

Are you being cold to her? Are you doing nonsexual cuddling? Kissing? Holding hands?

If not.... that's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say she is upset and feels rejected by you and that is why she is picking unrelated fights. How do you know this? How do you know that she wants you to desire her even though she is obviously pained when you give her attention? Maybe you are misdiagnosing the problem? Maybe she is doesn't care that you don't desire her, but is mad at you for other reasons?

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+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that you don't like duty sex, but if she's taking a baby step towards sex, maybe you could try not to criticize her efforts. It sounds like you will only have sex if she approaches you in exactly the right way, and you don't even really desire her anyway. Maybe you're the one who needs to work on your libido.

You are correct that I "will only have sex if she approaches you in exactly the right way" where the right way includes any kind of overt physical touch at all.

I'm with the previous posters who've said that this is something we both have to want enough to talk about.

So what happens, she gives you a card and then you "calmly and compassionately" scold her for not also touching you? Try some positive reinforcement instead.

Seriously. This guy is so passive aggressive, it's insane.