Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing

[Anonymous]

Control. It is all about control. Oh, and her hatred for her sil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother (4 years older than me) who is a very successful surgeon who lives on west coast divorced 6 years ago and remarried 2 years ago. I didn't like his wife from the start. She is the opposite of me. VERY type A, super driven,rather hard looking but has moments of attractiveness, super fit (a runner), ambitious to a fault, did not have kids but became a stepmother to my brothers 2 girls. She takes very good care of herself and likes only the best thankfully my B can afford this. To her credit, she is a success in her own right and came with her own hefty bank account.

We are comfortable (my husband is an attorney) I stay at home but do some freelance work from home. My D is 16 and way more fashion forward than I. I am rather simple, as I favor athletic gear on a day to day basis, I am very active and not a super girly girl type mom. Brothers wife is so my D is in awe. My D recently had a sweet 16, we threw her a party, we of course invited my B and his wife and kids but they couldn't come. Now my entire family knows I am dead set against my D having a very expensive bag. I don't mind Coach or Kate Spade, something a few hundred dollars is OK but not a few thousand just on principle alone. I don't buy myself those kinds of bags! My H agrees.

4 days ago we get a huge box delivered from Louis Vuitton. It is a beautiful LV tote for my D from guess who........? Yes my brothers wife, of course it is signed all of them. Looked it up and this bag is around $1800!!! My D was ecstatic and went nuts and I needed a drink to calm myself down. She did this to defy my wishes, she knows my feelings on this as we have discussed it many times. My H was not thrilled but thinks we should let it go. I am not sure how to react. Please for someone who is reading this and is more level headed than I....tell me what to do/not do.

Bitch much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Control. It is all about control. Oh, and her hatred for her sil.

+1

Hatred drive by the envy of her success, and that of her brother. Sounds like a loser.

[Anonymous]

You are jealous bc your brother and daughter like her.

Let me guess, you are the only daughter in the family and liked being the one special girl.

[Anonymous]

Something to think about:
If they got her a Kate Spade bag ($300) and they flew in for the weekend for the party, ($500-$1000 for the hotel since as a stepmom/2 boy family they'd need some doors or 2 rooms) and flew business class for 4 (with lots of advanced booking-maybe $2,400-$3,600) from the west coast, they'd have been out around $5,000.

Maybe they had a talk, decided it was hard to come, new aunt said, "Well, I remember my sweet 16 and it was lovely and I wish we could go, so let me just spend some of the money we would have spent on a gift. I already have a store credit to Nordstrom...yadda yadda" and uncle says, "Do what you think is best."

It is a gift. It is not a statement.

Let your daughter have it and make sure she writes a lovely thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Wait wait wait. So SIL is the kind of woman to carry LV yet you made yourself crystal clear that you think carrying a bag more expensive than Kate Spade is essentially a moral failing? If so, you're a c*nt and a half. If you have some decorum, she could easily have missed your opposition to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not a hill to die on. You might consider dialing back on the day-to-day "athletic gear" though.

Stupid comment. If someone works out everyday wouldn't athletic gear EVERY DAY seem appropriate? I am one of them and am comfortable, make sure i always look neat and as some wear designer jeans and fancy bags that suit their lifestyle so too does my athletic wear suit mine. Let me guess you weight 200 lbs?

Different poster here. I was with you until you started ragging on someone's weight. Unnecessary insult that says more about you than PP.

+1 You lost me and probably a lot of other non-fashionistas there, too.

Op is unemployed and works out sometimes. How does athletic wear fit into the rest of your lifestyle? What do you do all day? I am not fashionable but o wear workout clothes to workout (which I do often). Also I am very fit and I weigh 200 lbs. op, you are an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not a hill to die on. You might consider dialing back on the day-to-day "athletic gear" though.

Stupid comment. If someone works out everyday wouldn't athletic gear EVERY DAY seem appropriate? I am one of them and am comfortable, make sure i always look neat and as some wear designer jeans and fancy bags that suit their lifestyle so too does my athletic wear suit mine. Let me guess you weight 200 lbs?

Different poster here. I was with you until you started ragging on someone's weight. Unnecessary insult that says more about you than PP.

+1 You lost me and probably a lot of other non-fashionistas there, too.

Op is unemployed and works out sometimes. How does athletic wear fit into the rest of your lifestyle? What do you do all day? I am not fashionable but o wear workout clothes to workout (which I do often). Also I am very fit and I weigh 200 lbs. op, you are an idiot.

Actually you aren't an idiot. But you are not nice.

[Anonymous]

Let her keep the bag. This isn't that uncommon around here. It will be lost or stolen soon.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Yes, I think it was wrong for SIL to completely disregard your wishes. But as the cliché goes you can't control other people ... It was about getting a rise with you (check mark), putting you in the defensive on not being able to afford expensive things (check mark) and getting on your daughter's good side by buying something expenive (check mark).

To me, the important thing would have been to not give SIL the satisfaction and making sure your daughter is level headed about getting an expensive gift. Does your daughter have a job/understand the value of money? Could she be just as happy with a bag from Target or does she feel like life isn't complete without a designer xyz? Will she be easily swayed by a guy or a friend that spends a lot of money on her but may not be a good person and does so as a form of manipulation? If you feel confident in your own choices even and you have raised your daughter such that she won't fall into being money traps (keeping up with the jones, spending on a credit card on things she can't afford, only wanting to hang out with kids that have money/making fun of people that don't) I don't see how the SIL gift was anything other than an annoyance.

[Anonymous]

I am on OP's side! Posters are unnecessarily harsh here.

[Anonymous]

I don't like my SIL. I have owned SV bags but would give one to my daughter. (A LV bag can prompt bullying in high schools.) If no one in her crowd carries one to school I would be nervous for her. A smaller less conspicuous LV purse or even wallet/key chain might be best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it already. You don't like her, your daughter thinks she is awesome. Chill out.

+1

Let her be the generous aunt. It's not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are jealous bc your brother and daughter like her.

Let me guess, you are the only daughter in the family and liked being the one special girl.

+1

Yup. THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait wait wait. So SIL is the kind of woman to carry LV yet you made yourself crystal clear that you think carrying a bag more expensive than Kate Spade is essentially a moral failing? If so, you're a c*nt and a half. If you have some decorum, she could easily have missed your opposition to this.

very, very good point. Very classless to criticize to someone what they own. I think there is a tremendous amount of envy at play here and control issues. Lots and lots of control issues.