Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing

[Anonymous]

She was wrong but generous. Do they ahve a great relationship? If you return it you are hurting your daughter. I would keep it but might insider writing a nice genuine note explaining yourself again and that in the future you would rather a much less elaborate gift as this does not alighn with how you do things in your family. At the very least your brother will certainly get it and be sure that his wifey does too.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not a hill to die on. You might consider dialing back on the day-to-day "athletic gear" though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was wrong but generous. Do they ahve a great relationship? If you return it you are hurting your daughter. I would keep it but might insider writing a nice genuine note explaining yourself again and that in the future you would rather a much less elaborate gift as this does not alighn with how you do things in your family. At the very least your brother will certainly get it and be sure that his wifey does too.

Never take advice from someone who uses word "wifey."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not a hill to die on. You might consider dialing back on the day-to-day "athletic gear" though.

Stupid comment. If someone works out everyday wouldn't athletic gear EVERY DAY seem appropriate? I am one of them and am comfortable, make sure i always look neat and as some wear designer jeans and fancy bags that suit their lifestyle so too does my athletic wear suit mine. Let me guess you weight 200 lbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here thank you, my husband despite not liking it and feeling she did this more out of spite then wanting to get her a great gift feels its best to let it go.

There have many other 'digs" in the past and what started on my part as a type of admiration for her style/finesse has grown into a deep dislike for her blatant disregard for my feelings knowing very very well my stand on these things. It wasn't like an LV wallet but a full on bag. I did send my brother an email this morning he is ridiculously busy so know it might take him some time to get to it but I know he will see my side of things.

She has made fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases many times in front of other family members including her stepdaughters. I come from the background where you respect a parents wishes/boundaries and would never dream of overstepping them by getting something so elaborate if I knew the parents would not approve.

OP, you say she lives on the West Coast and they've only been married for two years. I could be wrong, but I don't think she's necessarily doing it to be spiteful or showing a "blatant disregard" for your feelings. How does she "know very very well" your opinion on these things with all the distance? If this is her lifestyle, and the things she thinks about every day, it's likely not registering with her that you insist things be scaled down a bit. I think you are putting WAY more thought into this than she is. I get that it's annoying, but honestly I'd just let her be her tacky self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not a hill to die on. You might consider dialing back on the day-to-day "athletic gear" though.

Stupid comment. If someone works out everyday wouldn't athletic gear EVERY DAY seem appropriate? I am one of them and am comfortable, make sure i always look neat and as some wear designer jeans and fancy bags that suit their lifestyle so too does my athletic wear suit mine. Let me guess you weight 200 lbs?

Different poster here. I was with you until you started ragging on someone's weight. Unnecessary insult that says more about you than PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here thank you, my husband despite not liking it and feeling she did this more out of spite then wanting to get her a great gift feels its best to let it go.

There have many other 'digs" in the past and what started on my part as a type of admiration for her style/finesse has grown into a deep dislike for her blatant disregard for my feelings knowing very very well my stand on these things. It wasn't like an LV wallet but a full on bag. I did send my brother an email this morning he is ridiculously busy so know it might take him some time to get to it but I know he will see my side of things.

She has made fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases many times in front of other family members including her stepdaughters. I come from the background where you respect a parents wishes/boundaries and would never dream of overstepping them by getting something so elaborate if I knew the parents would not approve.

OP, you say she lives on the West Coast and they've only been married for two years. I could be wrong, but I don't think she's necessarily doing it to be spiteful or showing a "blatant disregard" for your feelings. How does she "know very very well" your opinion on these things with all the distance? If this is her lifestyle, and the things she thinks about every day, it's likely not registering with her that you insist things be scaled down a bit. I think you are putting WAY more thought into this than she is. I get that it's annoying, but honestly I'd just let her be her tacky self.

Just curious OP - do you send your nieces $30 TJ Maxx handbags? I bet your SIL has her own post going "I can't believe my SIL sent my step daughter this gross hobo bag. Such a cheap-skate" - thread.

[Anonymous]

Chill out. You sound like a jealous shrew.

[Anonymous]

She's probably realized she has no hope of getting on your good side (hard looking? Really?) so has decided to try to get in with the next generation instead since she is family now.

[Anonymous]

OP, you do sound like you feel a little bit jealous and threatened by your SIL. Your daughter's enjoyment of her new aunt doesn't diminish her love and admiration for you and the fact that you are there every day providing her with a solid example of your style of woman. You might find, if you talk in a very casual and nonjudgmental way with her, that your daughter also feels the expensive bag was over the top and not really an ideal way to spend money on a teenager, even as she totally enjoys it. I'd let it be after that.

[Anonymous]

You sound very jealous. I agree with your philosophy though and would not have wanted my daughter to get one either.

I think you have to ask yourself if your current desire to do something about it (what exactly? TBD I guess) is more about you standing up to your SIL or about raising your daughter the way you think is right. If it's the former, don't - if it's the later, then try to do it without fanning the flames with your SIL.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a re-gift. Step SIL bought it for herself and now realizes it's a ridiculous bag for a 40something yr old and more appropriate for a 16 yr old.
As another poster said: DD is 16 not 6. Let her enjoy her sweet 16 extravagance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here thank you, my husband despite not liking it and feeling she did this more out of spite then wanting to get her a great gift feels its best to let it go.

There have many other 'digs" in the past and what started on my part as a type of admiration for her style/finesse has grown into a deep dislike for her blatant disregard for my feelings knowing very very well my stand on these things. It wasn't like an LV wallet but a full on bag. I did send my brother an email this morning he is ridiculously busy so know it might take him some time to get to it but I know he will see my side of things.

She has made fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases many times in front of other family members including her stepdaughters. I come from the background where you respect a parents wishes/boundaries and would never dream of overstepping them by getting something so elaborate if I knew the parents would not approve.

Why are you bothering your brother with this non-sense? At least she got your daughter a gift. Put it away for when she's an adult or let her use it for special occasions. They can afford it. I would have preferred a nice piece of jewelry for my daughter over a purse. She can afford it. Or, she was trying to get a reaction out of you and she did. I feel sorry for your brother's ex-wife with all this drama. You are overthinking this. In less you specifically said do not buy my kid an expensive XXX, she probably didn't realize it. It may be a normal gift in her world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might not have spent $1800 on it - there are constantly sales. Yes, still expensive...we get it you live way more modestly than your B and his wife, but nothing to be "fuming" about.

You actually sound a little jealous that your daughter is thrilled that her aunt gave her a lavish gift. Do you sorta wish that your daughter was that excited with your gift to her?

LV never goes on sale. Ever. They even say this on their website: "It is also important to know that Louis Vuitton never marks down its prices, so unless they are secondhand, discounted Louis Vuitton items found online are highly suspicious of being counterfeit."

I think for a 16th birthday -- not 15 or 17, but the big 16!! -- this wasn't over the top. You don't like it and wouldn't buy it and you didn't. Your daughter loves it and should send a very gracious thank you. You and SIL are different. She is more materialistic but seems to have the means to get the things she wants so carry your $30 bag and ignore it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say she lives on the West Coast and they've only been married for two years. I could be wrong, but I don't think she's necessarily doing it to be spiteful or showing a "blatant disregard" for your feelings. How does she "know very very well" your opinion on these things with all the distance? If this is her lifestyle, and the things she thinks about every day, it's likely not registering with her that you insist things be scaled down a bit. I think you are putting WAY more thought into this than she is. I get that it's annoying, but honestly I'd just let her be her tacky self.

I agree with this. As other posters have said, you sound jealous and your dislike of your SIL is carrying over. Your DD is 16 for god's sake, not 6. The handbag is really expensive but it's not an inappropriate gift especially for a milestone birthday. And, FFS, why the hell did you email your brother?