Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing

[Anonymous]

What do you do? Be sure your daughter writes a really nice thank you note.

[Anonymous]

OP here thank you, my husband despite not liking it and feeling she did this more out of spite then wanting to get her a great gift feels its best to let it go.

There have many other 'digs" in the past and what started on my part as a type of admiration for her style/finesse has grown into a deep dislike for her blatant disregard for my feelings knowing very very well my stand on these things. It wasn't like an LV wallet but a full on bag. I did send my brother an email this morning he is ridiculously busy so know it might take him some time to get to it but I know he will see my side of things.

She has made fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases many times in front of other family members including her stepdaughters. I come from the background where you respect a parents wishes/boundaries and would never dream of overstepping them by getting something so elaborate if I knew the parents would not approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Graciously accept the gift. They can afford it, and it is consistent with their lifestyle, but not yours - and your DD knows this. Accepting the gift doesn't mean you are changing your own family's values or choices - and your DD understands that too. She's 16, and has grown up in your household, not yours.

You can act shocked and even let your DD know that you don't approve at all, that you think it's crazy, and talk about why. But at the same time acknowledge SIL's generosity.

Make sure your DD understands how to care for it properly and treat it well. And make sure she thanks them profusely.

But don't fume - they make different choices than you, that's all. And FWIW, I am like you and would never in a million years make such a purchase. My own bag is $30. My kids understand this about me, and it's how we live as a family, so I wouldn't make a big deal if my DD got an extravagant gift for a special occasion.

Your DD is being raised by you, not your SIL.

This. Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Not much you can do now because it will only hurt your daughter and in turn affect things between you and your brother. I WOULD talk to your brother so he knows from here on in you would rater those types of elaborate gifts not be bestowed upon your kids.

I agree very inappropriate and has nothing to do with being able to afford it. She sounds like a bitch on wheels, good thing you don't live near them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the issue is. It would not be my choice and I wouldn't allow it to go to school, but I'd have no issue with it on weekends or evenings, especially with me. Send a nice thank you not and have her call to thank her. You are overthinking a gift.

Agree.

From your title of the post, you made it sound like something really hurtful happened. Your post wins the "1st World Problem" award of the week.

[Anonymous]

Even if she truly is playing games, truly you must have better things to do with your time than stew over this? You know the best revenge is not letting it get to you, right? Rise above, smile, make sure she sends a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not 6. Let her enjoy the bag and I don't see why you'd bother being angry over this. This is not a big deal.

And while you described your wife as "VERY Type A" it sounds like that description also fits you.

Disagree it IS a big deal to parents who do not condone spending this kind of money on such an elaborate item. It would not fly in my house and my daughters would not be allowed at 16 to carry $2000 bags I don't care if an angel swooped down and gave it to them. I would package it up and return it with a nice note, and allow it to be a teaching moment to your daughter about earning those kinds of things....and it would surely school this woman who has no respect for your wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a gift. Your daughter loves it. Don't make this A Thing.

You may well have discussed this with SIL, but maybe it was just chit chat and she honestly forgot. Or maybe she considers a $1,800 LV to be a Coach/Kate Spade-level bag. Chanel, Lanvin, Fendi, etc., can run wayyyyyyyy more than that.

It's very telling how much extraneous, unnecessary detail you wrote about ynour SIL here. How funny that her biggest sin is that she's "the opposite" of you!

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Send a thank you note with a picture of YOU wearing the bag hehe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not 6. Let her enjoy the bag and I don't see why you'd bother being angry over this. This is not a big deal.

And while you described your wife as "VERY Type A" it sounds like that description also fits you.

Eek. Have to agree with the last sentence.

Agree with you about the bag, but think you need to let it go. My 5 year old had a birthday party and not one of the gifts was something I ever would buy for him, but it's his birthday so we deal with the remote control car (my hardwoods! My chair legs!)

If it was something dangerous (or even something like a weekend away and that made you nervous, an acrobatic class or sky diving and you were afraid of neck injury, etc) that would be one thing. But it's a handbag so I don't think that applies here.

And your daughter already has it.
I think a good heart to heart with your daughter where you repeat your values, your concerns and a dialogue about your aversion to pricey designer things is appropriate and let her make the choice on whether she wants to use it and what the "risks" are.

[Anonymous]

You are way overreacting. It is a purse not a gun. If your daughter cares for the bag properly she will have it for years which will be a lovely memory of her 16th birthday.

Since you asked, your daughter is now 16 and you need to give her space to be herself. It is the most wonderful gift that a mother can give any child. At this point you have instilled your values and beliefs through her upbringing and it is time for her to take what she learned and use it to create her own personality and belief system. You clearly care for your daughter so I suspect she will be fine; expensive purses and all!

[Anonymous]

She might not have spent $1800 on it - there are constantly sales. Yes, still expensive...we get it you live way more modestly than your B and his wife, but nothing to be "fuming" about.

You actually sound a little jealous that your daughter is thrilled that her aunt gave her a lavish gift. Do you sorta wish that your daughter was that excited with your gift to her?

[Anonymous]

No way would my daughter be allowed to have a $1800 bag. NO WAY. At 18 she is free to do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother (4 years older than me) who is a very successful surgeon who lives on west coast divorced 6 years ago and remarried 2 years ago. I didn't like his wife from the start. She is the opposite of me. VERY type A, super driven,rather hard looking but has moments of attractiveness, super fit (a runner), ambitious to a fault, did not have kids but became a stepmother to my brothers 2 girls. She takes very good care of herself and likes only the best thankfully my B can afford this. To her credit, she is a success in her own right and came with her own hefty bank account.

We are comfortable (my husband is an attorney) I stay at home but do some freelance work from home. My D is 16 and way more fashion forward than I. I am rather simple, as I favor athletic gear on a day to day basis, I am very active and not a super girly girl type mom. Brothers wife is so my D is in awe. My D recently had a sweet 16, we threw her a party, we of course invited my B and his wife and kids but they couldn't come. Now my entire family knows I am dead set against my D having a very expensive bag. I don't mind Coach or Kate Spade, something a few hundred dollars is OK but not a few thousand just on principle alone. I don't buy myself those kinds of bags! My H agrees.

4 days ago we get a huge box delivered from Louis Vuitton. It is a beautiful LV tote for my D from guess who........? Yes my brothers wife, of course it is signed all of them. Looked it up and this bag is around $1800!!! My D was ecstatic and went nuts and I needed a drink to calm myself down. She did this to defy my wishes, she knows my feelings on this as we have discussed it many times. My H was not thrilled but thinks we should let it go. I am not sure how to react. Please for someone who is reading this and is more level headed than I....tell me what to do/not do.

You need to let it go. Not because you're wrong, but because it isn't worth the battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a gift. Your daughter loves it. Don't make this A Thing.

You may well have discussed this with SIL, but maybe it was just chit chat and she honestly forgot. Or maybe she considers a $1,800 LV to be a Coach/Kate Spade-level bag. Chanel, Lanvin, Fendi, etc., can run wayyyyyyyy more than that.

It's very telling how much extraneous, unnecessary detail you wrote about ynour SIL here. How funny that her biggest sin is that she's "the opposite" of you!

Let it go.

Yep! Hard looking and only sometimes attractive? Why was that at all relevant?