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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had an affair which was exposed a little over a year ago and ever since my wife and I have been going to marriage counseling. We both agreed to act as normal as possible in front of our 3 kids. Last month my 16 year-old overheard us arguing and found out about the affair and now won't speak to me. I've tried to do one on one things with him and tried to get him to tell me how he's feeling but he refuses to do so. Any ideas on how to get him to open up or should I give him more time?[/quote]

Have you apologized to him for what you did?[/quote]
Yes I have.[/quote]

Now you have to wait for him to come around. You can't force him to forgive you, you don't get to control other people's reactions to your affair.

But perhaps a change of scenery in California is someone he'd enjoy. Did you ask him about that?[/quote]

You can't just say sorry and wait, you have to make it up to him.[/quote]

OP can't make it up to him. There's nothing OP can do that will make his son okay with the fact that OP had a prolonged affair. The only thing OP can do at this point is to try to prove his remorse through action. OP needs to throw himself wholeheartedly into fixing his marriage. Even if the marriage can't be saved, the gesture of good faith would probably go a long way toward repairing his relationship with his son.

Unfortunately for OP's son, though, OP has no intention of doing that. Based on OP's other thread, it's clear OP isn't doing any hard work to fix the marriage, he won't even get a new job to get away from his AP, he just wants everyone to forget it happened and move on without inconveniencing him. I suspect OP's son knows exactly what his father is all about, and that's why he's taking such a hard line on this.[/quote]

I agree that if OP and his wife are arguing 1 year later and he is still working with the OW he is not doings east he needs to "fix the marriage".

He can... Get therapy... Individual... When I see a Chester is only in marriage counseling it is obvious he blames his wife and the marriage for his affair, which makes him an ass.

I disagree he can make it better (as applied to "just saying sorry"),,, he needs therapy, individual outings, treat the wife better, be generally a better person to be around, stop being selfish, etc.... When his son sees a transformation in his personality and a happy mom... He will make it up to him. Also the boy should go to family therapy. Also he should no have to keep a family secret, if there are other kids they need to be told, so the 16 yo has a support system.[/quote]

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