Affairs: Who is more likely to have them, men or women?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women on the other hand can get laid anywhere anytime regardless of class or income.

This is a myth that DCUM perpetuates. Anywhere? Anytime? Really?

Sure. I'm not saying that it would necessarily be your ideal partner, but if a woman wants to get laid this afternoon then they can. Just go into any hotel bar and put on a sign that says "looking to get laid" and you'll have a dozen choices in the next two hours. Most men couldn't get laid in a given afternoon without pulling out a credit card.

People are ALWAYS saying this on DCUM but I think its crap.

When I was single I could NOT find someone to hook up with whenever I wanted. And while I'm certainly not Cindy Crawford I would say I'm not ugly at all. Solidly middle of the road, good features and less good but overall a clean and attractive package. And I'm only 30 so not old. And yet if you today would pay me actual money to go do it with a stranger I would have no idea how to go about doing that with a guarantee of success. Just like, I dunno get drunk and go to a club or something? That did not always work for me when I was single.

In my 20s, I never had an issue getting laid. In my 30s, I was consistently hit on. In my 40s, I am hit on by guys my age up to 60. I'm married, but a flirt. If I wanted to get laid, I could.

PP claims any woman under 60 without a major defect can do this (I think I'm pretty far above that bar) so I'm happy for you but I am saying I don't believe that and cited myself. I did not claim no woman could do this.

Of course you could. You're just not sufficiently motivated to. As a PP pointed out in your case you've been seeking a suitable partner that is effectively your equal in the game. Sure, that can be tough. But if your goal is just to have sex and you're willing to compromise your standards, you could do it easily. Today. Just by advertising yourself as an available woman looking for some no strings sex.

No. I have had two boyfriends in my life one of whom turned out to be DH. I am not really familiar with how to 'advertise myself' as an available woman. I literally wouldn't know where to start.

I believe you are making the claim that man exists in this city who would sleep with me tonight if I did walk up and ask. And that is probably true but I am highly skeptical that it would be 'easy' to find that person. And I believe there is a woman out there who would sleep with you tonight, but finding her isn't that easy.

I really think you just think this to like...I dunno continue a general thought that women have it better than you so you can continue to be bitter and unhappy. If you resent so much that women have 'standards' that you don't meet then maybe you should look inward. Because I know just as many guys who have the personality type to be able to pick people up at bars as girls. It has to do with your personality, not your gender. I knew that about myself so cultivated more intimate relationships, you seem to WANT to be that kind of person so spend your time resenting women for having sex. If you worked on reducing that resentment, I'd bet you'd have an easier time getting a woman interested in you.

Woah! Were did all that vitriol come from?

I'm not bitter about anything. I'm a married guy not interested in picking up women. In fact, I've never "picked up" a woman in my life, nor have I tried. I'm merely stating what everyone already knows. It's just a numbers game, that's all. There are far more men loose in the city today willing to have sex with a random woman than there are women willing to have sex with a random guy.

You're overthinking it. You're approaching it as if you'd be seeking some partner that meets your specs, and as I said that's tough for anyone. I'm just saying that theoretically any average woman could get laid BY SOMEONE if she really wanted to. Heck, go over to the explicit forum and post that you're horny and want sex and at least three guys will post their email addresses within an hour.

And hey, I'm just having an academic conversation here. I'm not bitter and have zero skin in the game.

[Anonymous]

"Because I am not looking for my future wife, or someone I find irresistible or someone to bring to my work parties. I am looking for someone who wants to have hot sex. Usually, these women are married to shlubs, so I compare well with their husbands. Not trying to sound worse than I already do, but if I were single, the women I have had affairs with would not usually be the women I would date.

Women looking for just sex can land a fairly high quality man, and be extremely choosy."

that quote is from an earlier post.
I am a woman who had an affair. I am married to a shlub. I only wanted hot sex, just like the guy. And, we had hot sex for almost 7 years until 2013 when he didn't travel as much for his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah! Were did all that vitriol come from?

I'm not bitter about anything. I'm a married guy not interested in picking up women. In fact, I've never "picked up" a woman in my life, nor have I tried. I'm merely stating what everyone already knows. It's just a numbers game, that's all. There are far more men loose in the city today willing to have sex with a random woman than there are women willing to have sex with a random guy.

You're overthinking it. You're approaching it as if you'd be seeking some partner that meets your specs, and as I said that's tough for anyone. I'm just saying that theoretically any average woman could get laid BY SOMEONE if she really wanted to. Heck, go over to the explicit forum and post that you're horny and want sex and at least three guys will post their email addresses within an hour.

And hey, I'm just having an academic conversation here. I'm not bitter and have zero skin in the game.

Maybe she's afraid of what she'd do if such an opportunity did arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Because I am not looking for my future wife, or someone I find irresistible or someone to bring to my work parties. I am looking for someone who wants to have hot sex. Usually, these women are married to shlubs, so I compare well with their husbands. Not trying to sound worse than I already do, but if I were single, the women I have had affairs with would not usually be the women I would date.

Women looking for just sex can land a fairly high quality man, and be extremely choosy."

that quote is from an earlier post.
I am a woman who had an affair. I am married to a shlub. I only wanted hot sex, just like the guy. And, we had hot sex for almost 7 years until 2013 when he didn't travel as much for his job.

So you traded up for the affair? What about your AP? Did he trade up or down?

[Anonymous]

Funny question - there is no trading up or down when you're having an affair. It's just sex.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most of the married women I know just aren't that into sex. They do it to please DH but don't need extra.

Oh you bet your ass if Brad Pitt winked at her, she'd want "extra". Please don't delude yourself. A married woman is just that, married, not dead.


Speaking as a DW who has had affairs, all you need is that guy who gets your juices flowing again. I will say though that I have always "traded up" from DH, looks wise, status wise, intelligent wise, everything wise.

I don't mean this as an insult, but I am a man who has had affairs and have always traded down. Although the women I have had affairs with loved sex, so in that respect they blew my DW away.

but why would you trade down? If you are going to risk your marriage for some strange, shouldn't it be worth your while? Bang someone irresistible?

Men trade down because they know they will never marry the woman, she is just a side piece. The woman they would marry would never be a side piece.

Men don't think they are "risking their marriage".

When men look for relationships they look for amazing (irresistible), when they have affairs they look for willing/convenient/gullible.

So by your own definition, men who have affairs are predatory creeps.

Yes. Very much. They have a serious personality defect (possibly disorder). They put their own needs above the needs of their family and their AP. They play both sides. They know which women are weak and they take advantage.

Most feel badly for the wife and kids. Though many like to blame the wife, it makes them feel secure in their own marriage.. if they are fit enough, nice enough, screw enough and well,.... it won't happen to them. but this proves to be untrue.

Really the OW should get some sympathy too, but they don't... because they "get what they deserve"... but they are so broken already, and their AP breaks them more. It's like sharks they only attack injured seals.

The men that do this have serious moral and spiritual (if not mental) issues. But so do lawyers and bankers and .... so many moral issues. We become desensitized to people treating other people as things.

Interesting take. So men who cheat are the lowest form of dishonest creep. But women who cheat are victims. Got it.

Many/Most OW are not married. But I feel compassion/sympathy for people that are both victims and perpetrators. Sometimes you are both at the same time. I also have sympathy for men who are so messed up. I recognize they are messed up and still feel compassion for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many/Most OW are not married. But I feel compassion/sympathy for people that are both victims and perpetrators. Sometimes you are both at the same time. I also have sympathy for men who are so messed up. I recognize they are messed up and still feel compassion for them.

And how did you determine this?

[Anonymous]

I'm really curious how women who want affairs find men willing to pay for hotel rooms. The guys who are hot to start something inevitably back off when I say I'm not doing it in my house or someplace semi public like a car (!)

[Anonymous]

14:48 you are exactly right. I am a PP - had a long term affair - he only paid for a room when he was here on business and it was paid for by his company. I don't even want to say how many times we had sex in the car. But, the sex was incredibly hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny question - there is no trading up or down when you're having an affair. It's just sex.

the answer is down then.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Woah! Were did all that vitriol come from?

I'm not bitter about anything. I'm a married guy not interested in picking up women. In fact, I've never "picked up" a woman in my life, nor have I tried. I'm merely stating what everyone already knows. It's just a numbers game, that's all. There are far more men loose in the city today willing to have sex with a random woman than there are women willing to have sex with a random guy.

You're overthinking it. You're approaching it as if you'd be seeking some partner that meets your specs, and as I said that's tough for anyone. I'm just saying that theoretically any average woman could get laid BY SOMEONE if she really wanted to. Heck, go over to the explicit forum and post that you're horny and want sex and at least three guys will post their email addresses within an hour.

And hey, I'm just having an academic conversation here. I'm not bitter and have zero skin in the game.

Maybe she's afraid of what she'd do if such an opportunity did arise.

Lol no. I just don't like someone making assumptions about what I'm capable of doing and not listening when I talk about my personal experience.

The PP asking where the vitriol came from, thats where it came from. I think thinking like that is a way for men to justify feeling slighted when the reality is that finding someone is hard for a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many/Most OW are not married. But I feel compassion/sympathy for people that are both victims and perpetrators. Sometimes you are both at the same time. I also have sympathy for men who are so messed up. I recognize they are messed up and still feel compassion for them.

And how did you determine this?

I don't have a link but you can find the statistics if you want. I did research on this years ago.

Long story short single women between the age of 28-32 are desperate (tick/tock/tick/tock), they have the most affairs with married men.

[Anonymous]

to 15:00 - you must be a wife who was cheated on to assume the guy chose someone lower in status than you.
I am a well educated, attractive woman who someone's husband preferred.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah! Were did all that vitriol come from?

I'm not bitter about anything. I'm a married guy not interested in picking up women. In fact, I've never "picked up" a woman in my life, nor have I tried. I'm merely stating what everyone already knows. It's just a numbers game, that's all. There are far more men loose in the city today willing to have sex with a random woman than there are women willing to have sex with a random guy.

You're overthinking it. You're approaching it as if you'd be seeking some partner that meets your specs, and as I said that's tough for anyone. I'm just saying that theoretically any average woman could get laid BY SOMEONE if she really wanted to. Heck, go over to the explicit forum and post that you're horny and want sex and at least three guys will post their email addresses within an hour.

And hey, I'm just having an academic conversation here. I'm not bitter and have zero skin in the game.

Maybe she's afraid of what she'd do if such an opportunity did arise.

Lol no. I just don't like someone making assumptions about what I'm capable of doing and not listening when I talk about my personal experience.

The PP asking where the vitriol came from, thats where it came from. I think thinking like that is a way for men to justify feeling slighted when the reality is that finding someone is hard for a lot of people.

NP here. I think the disconnect is that you're talking about Finding Someone. The PP was referring simply to a woman's ability to have sex if that's all they wanted to do. That you're not willing to stoop that low is actually a good thing. But honey if you wanted to, you certainly could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many/Most OW are not married. But I feel compassion/sympathy for people that are both victims and perpetrators. Sometimes you are both at the same time. I also have sympathy for men who are so messed up. I recognize they are messed up and still feel compassion for them.

And how did you determine this?

I don't have a link but you can find the statistics if you want. I did research on this years ago.

Long story short single women between the age of 28-32 are desperate (tick/tock/tick/tock), they have the most affairs with married men.

I assume like most of this sort of research it relies primarily on self-reporting. You can see where a single woman might be more likely to admit to an affair than a married woman, even for science. Color me skeptical.