Is it possible to successfully date without sex?
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Anonymous
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We're not talking about sex with an AP or cheating... This is about a single, dating scenario.
The 1st time will always be awkward. Get it over with. If the relationship flourishes, then it will become a committed relationship and special. As evidenced by other posters. Jeesh... It's sex... Not the sacred Grail. |
Anonymous
| So, no, it is unimaginable to successfully date without sex. Next to impossible. |
Anonymous
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Divorced woman here. I married in my 30s and am now mid-40s. When I was dating, I waited awhile before having sex with anyone, for the reasons stated above - to keep my head clear, to avoid being used for sex, for STD/pregnancy avoidance, etc. And I met and married who I thought was a great guy. We did not have sex until several months into the relationship, after being exclusive and it was clear the relationship was serious.
At the time, I thought that his willingness to wait meant that he was a good man and serious about me. Looking back, I see it differently. He turned out to have major porn issues, so no wonder it was not a big deal for him to wait to have sex. A real woman was just not his preference. I have not started dating again yet, but when I do I will approach sex very differently. If it is no big deal for both of us to wait for months or years, that probably means that the attraction is not that strong or one of us has other issues, either of which would doom any hope of a healthy relationship. I still don't plan on sleeping around, but if I am strongly attracted to someone I don't think I will wait months either. I certainly don't intend to follow any arbitrary "wait __ dates/months" rules. |
Anonymous
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The initial question on this thread is very black/white. The choice seems to be sex, i.e. intercourse, around the 3rd date or waiting many months for sex.
Isn't there some in between where sexual activity increases over a few weeks or months to intercourse? Or is it just sex fast or no sex these days/ |
Anonymous
Easy for you to say. You're a man and you don't have to worry about pregnancy, abortion or cervical cancer. Or being judged. |
Anonymous
Plenty of guys get judged for not having sex. It's one of the most common insults on here against disagreeable men (oh you're not getting laid). |
Anonymous
Being judged as being disagreeable is far different than the consequences for women -- unsupported pregnancy (which can be a financial disaster), the extreme judgments made against and difficulty of getting abortion these days, and the very real, high risks of HPV and cervical cancer. Come on, that's far different than "that guy is just angry cuz he's not getting laid." |
Anonymous
Well, of course! |
Anonymous
Not of course some people screw after 90 minutes. |
Anonymous
The risks just aren't that high. We're not talking teenagers here with lack of knowledge and access to birth control. Anyone in their 30s knows how to obtain and use birth control. There's a readily-available vaccine for HPV, and it also reduces risk of cervical cancer. Cervical cancer? Really? I've never heard a female friend say she slept with a guy and now she's worried about cervical cancer. |
Anonymous
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Is it possible to successfully date without sex?
No, by definition. Successful dating IS sex. |
Anonymous
Well, that's because it can take several years for a person to get a bad pap smear. And, like all humans, we usually worry more about things that have immediate negative consequences and discount long term negative effects, especially when weighed against a big short term benefit (like great sex). I got HPV from the first guy I ever slept with at age 18. By age 25, I had a bad pap smear that necessitated surgical treatment and chemotherapy. I have a (male) friend who battled oral throat cancer, likely from oral HPV infection. I'm sure more of my peers have dealt with something similar, but of course, people don't normally admit when they've gotten an STD and everyone is more sympathetic to cancer than STD. Even if you don't die from cervical cancer, it can be painful and expensive to treat it, particularly if you end up with one of the strains associated with cancer. 50% of all men and women will get HPV in their lifetime. Birth control doesn't protect against it and condoms don't fully protect against it, because HPV can be transmitted to areas that are not covered by a condom. It can also be transmitted via oral sex. In 2007, only three countries in the world had HPV vaccine. It is now a required vaccine for youth, but many people who came of age after, say, 2010 are unlikely to have had the HPV vaccine. It was not recommended for men until recently. Most men and women over 30 are not vaccinated for HPV because the recommended range for vaccination was only up to 21(for men) and 26(for women). BTW, there are many many different strains of HPV, but the vaccines only protect against the 4 or so that are the biggest cause of cancers. It's unfortunate that you don't seem to be very well educated about STDs. That seems like a basic requirement of a responsible, sexually active partner. |
Anonymous
+1. Love sex. Just don't love having sex with people who are practically strangers. I don't need to be in a relationship with someone to have sex, but I do have to know them well enough to trust them, to rely on them, to know that they will value my own pleasure as well as theirs. I generally don't get that from someone after only 3 dates. If you are writing off everyone who won't have sex by the 3rd date as some kind of prude, I guarantee you, you are missing out on a lot of great sex. |
Anonymous
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This is an interesting thread - I'm a guy with lower drive (i'm comfortable enough in my own skin and it doesn't bother me) - I would be interested in OP IF she had this consistent outlook in life.
Where guys have issues is when women like OP were going '0-100, real quick' in their teens and 20's, then turn into nuns in their 30's when trying to lock a guy down. |
Anonymous
| If you want to get married, no sex while dating is the quickest way to get down the aisle. My husband proposed in 3 months because I wouldn't have sex with him. I was a virgin and would not have sex out of marriage for religious reasons. No one could be believe how quickly he proposed. I don't think he would of done that if he was getting everything he wanted from me outside of marriage. Why buy the cow? |