If you're a DW who kept her last name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DH and my wife did not take my name.

My grandmother always got it wrong, and that was OK because she was just old-fashioned.

My parents and other close relative get it right - but I have an aunt that for years has sent stuff to Larla and Larlo HisLastName - and it drives me crazy. They are either stupid or intentionally rude.

But still, not worth saying anything to them.

Well technically Larla and Larlo Hislastname isn't wrong because you didn't list what her last name is?

Idk I had names on my Christmas card list that didn't even fit on my envelopes. Including a wife who had a hyphenated last name and her husband had a different.

Technically, it is wrong because the convention for addressing a married couple is to use that form, so people will assume they share a last name.

No - you totally missed the point. That is the old-fashioned way of doing it. If Larlo HisLastName and Larla HerLastName get married, and she keeps her way, the appropriate way to address them is Mr. and Mrs. Larlo HisLastName and Larla HerLastname. Otherwise you are being rude/ignorant of Larla wanting to keep her name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

The Family of Jane Smith and John Miller?

What if the kids are Millers? Is it then Miller family and Jane Smith?

Wouldn't Miller-Smith Family mean their names are hyphenated? Would it be Miller and Smith Family?

We go by the Miller-Smith Family (or the Smith-Miller Family, I don't think the order matters). People don't seem to be confused at all. And that's how I send out cards to families where the parents have different last names. If they have kids, it's the Smith-Miller Family. If they don't have kids, I write John Smith & Jane Miller.

Not everyone hyphens their name. So, to me that is just as bad as calling me by my husband's last name. Its very individual. Our child has two last names and it is not hyphened so he can drop one later. I hate when people hyphen his name. If I wanted it that way, I'd do it. Just say to the Miller Smith family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

The Family of Jane Smith and John Miller?

What if the kids are Millers? Is it then Miller family and Jane Smith?

Wouldn't Miller-Smith Family mean their names are hyphenated? Would it be Miller and Smith Family?

We go by the Miller-Smith Family (or the Smith-Miller Family, I don't think the order matters). People don't seem to be confused at all. And that's how I send out cards to families where the parents have different last names. If they have kids, it's the Smith-Miller Family. If they don't have kids, I write John Smith & Jane Miller.

Not everyone hyphens their name. So, to me that is just as bad as calling me by my husband's last name. Its very individual. Our child has two last names and it is not hyphened so he can drop one later. I hate when people hyphen his name. If I wanted it that way, I'd do it. Just say to the Miller Smith family.

Really? You give women who keep their names a bad name. If someone makes the effort to address your kids and family by remembering both names, you are going to get mad if it is hyphenated? That's totally different from people who just forget your name and only use your husband's.
I say this as someone who did keep my name and my kids have a hyphenated name. Sometimes it gets messed up and the last names are switched. At least they are trying.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name when I got married 16 years ago. Yes, people call me Mrs. Husband sometimes. I don't really care...as long as it's not in a professional or important setting (like a doctor's office or taxes). We have a young son who has my husband's last name. His middle name is my last name. NBD, never had a problem with friends or family.

Back in the day though our landline was in my name. My H would answer and people would ask for Mr. Wife. He'd say, "There is no Mr. Wife!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you bother correcting family members when they call you by your husband's last name? We are 6 months post-wedding and various cousins and grandparents from DH's family have sent mail only to me (i.e. birthday cards) addressed to "Larla (DH last nam[b]e)". It drives me insane because I felt very strongly about keeping my name.

FWIW, I have kept my name on Facebook and if people ask I of course tell them. But I haven't made any sort of announcement (because that would be weird), so I guess everyone just assumes I forgot to change it on Facebook.

I do this. Partially b/c I'm too lazy to look up your full name. Partially b/c its slightly irritating that you expect me to remember a separate or multiple last names for a family/ married couple. And partially b/c I know it bothers certain ppl like OP who are bent out of shape about these type of things. I guess you can say I'm something of a mail address troll. Color me green and red.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

The Family of Jane Smith and John Miller?

What if the kids are Millers? Is it then Miller family and Jane Smith?

Wouldn't Miller-Smith Family mean their names are hyphenated? Would it be Miller and Smith Family?

We go by the Miller-Smith Family (or the Smith-Miller Family, I don't think the order matters). People don't seem to be confused at all. And that's how I send out cards to families where the parents have different last names. If they have kids, it's the Smith-Miller Family. If they don't have kids, I write John Smith & Jane Miller.

Not everyone hyphens their name. So, to me that is just as bad as calling me by my husband's last name. Its very individual. Our child has two last names and it is not hyphened so he can drop one later. I hate when people hyphen his name. If I wanted it that way, I'd do it. Just say to the Miller Smith family.

It's not saying that the family has a hyphenated last name; it's a way of saying that the family includes people with both last names. I guess you could use a slash: Miller/Smith Family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you bother correcting family members when they call you by your husband's last name? We are 6 months post-wedding and various cousins and grandparents from DH's family have sent mail only to me (i.e. birthday cards) addressed to "Larla (DH last nam[b]e)". It drives me insane because I felt very strongly about keeping my name.

FWIW, I have kept my name on Facebook and if people ask I of course tell them. But I haven't made any sort of announcement (because that would be weird), so I guess everyone just assumes I forgot to change it on Facebook.

I do this. Partially b/c I'm too lazy to look up your full name. Partially b/c its slightly irritating that you expect me to remember a separate or multiple last names for a family/ married couple. And partially b/c I know it bothers certain ppl like OP who are bent out of shape about these type of things. I guess you can say I'm something of a mail address troll. Color me green and red.

Well, aren't you a lovely person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

The Family of Jane Smith and John Miller?

What if the kids are Millers? Is it then Miller family and Jane Smith?

Wouldn't Miller-Smith Family mean their names are hyphenated? Would it be Miller and Smith Family?

We go by the Miller-Smith Family (or the Smith-Miller Family, I don't think the order matters). People don't seem to be confused at all. And that's how I send out cards to families where the parents have different last names. If they have kids, it's the Smith-Miller Family. If they don't have kids, I write John Smith & Jane Miller.

Not everyone hyphens their name. So, to me that is just as bad as calling me by my husband's last name. Its very individual. Our child has two last names and it is not hyphened so he can drop one later. I hate when people hyphen his name. If I wanted it that way, I'd do it. Just say to the Miller Smith family.

Really? You give women who keep their names a bad name. If someone makes the effort to address your kids and family by remembering both names, you are going to get mad if it is hyphenated? That's totally different from people who just forget your name and only use your husband's.
I say this as someone who did keep my name and my kids have a hyphenated name. Sometimes it gets messed up and the last names are switched. At least they are trying.

The difference is you choose to hyphenate your child's name. I did not and I'm tired of everyone hyphenating it. At that point, just use one last name. You do not create new names. I'd rather go by just my husband's last name than someone making up so silly hyphenated name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

The Family of Jane Smith and John Miller?

What if the kids are Millers? Is it then Miller family and Jane Smith?

Wouldn't Miller-Smith Family mean their names are hyphenated? Would it be Miller and Smith Family?

We go by the Miller-Smith Family (or the Smith-Miller Family, I don't think the order matters). People don't seem to be confused at all. And that's how I send out cards to families where the parents have different last names. If they have kids, it's the Smith-Miller Family. If they don't have kids, I write John Smith & Jane Miller.

Not everyone hyphens their name. So, to me that is just as bad as calling me by my husband's last name. Its very individual. Our child has two last names and it is not hyphened so he can drop one later. I hate when people hyphen his name. If I wanted it that way, I'd do it. Just say to the Miller Smith family.

It's not saying that the family has a hyphenated last name; it's a way of saying that the family includes people with both last names. I guess you could use a slash: Miller/Smith Family.

Slash would be a much better compromise. To me its husband's last name or both last names, no hyphen. No one in our family has a hyphen.

[Anonymous]

A) Don't be a jerk and assume that everyone who calls you "Mrs. Smith" is out to slight you or undermine your feminine mystique or whatever. People just don't know, or forget, or assume, and it's really not a big deal. Stop going out of your way to prove a point.

B) Don't be a jerk and intentionally call someone "Mrs. Smith" when you know full well she retained her own name just because you don't agree with or are "annoyed" by her choice. Stop going out of your way to prove a point.

[Anonymous]

I don't correct anyone. However, I HATE when something is addressed to. Mr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it makes me cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't correct anyone. However, I HATE when something is addressed to. Mr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it makes me cringe.

How about Dr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname when I'M A DR., TOO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't correct anyone. However, I HATE when something is addressed to. Mr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it makes me cringe.

How about Dr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname when I'M A DR., TOO!

I'm the PP you quoted. Both my parents are doctors and my mom got that all the time too. UGH!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would I write if I only wanted to write something like Smith Family on the card? Do I have to write Jane Doe and Smith Family? Is Smith family rude?

I typically will write:
Jane Smith
John, Larlo and Larla Doe
123 Main Street
Anytown, Anystate 56789

Same for the person who said that the married names are too long for the card, use an extra line:
John Harrison-Wellington
Jane Williamson Harrison-Wellington
456 Main Street
Anytown, Anystate 56789

I try to get them right, but most people I know are forgiving when I get it wrong. There's nothing wrong with a polite reminder if the issue or something tangential comes up.

Did you get our Christmas card? It was so hard to get Larlo to sit for the photo?
--Yes, it was so cute. He's at an adorable age. By the way, when you update your address list, I kept my maiden name, Smith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't correct anyone. However, I HATE when something is addressed to. Mr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, it makes me cringe.

How about Dr. and Mrs. DHfirstname DHLastname when I'M A DR., TOO!

I'm the PP you quoted. Both my parents are doctors and my mom got that all the time too. UGH!!!

I know a couple of families with two doctors who are Dr. and Dr. Smith.

We know one family that kept their names and we address to Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones.