If you're a DW who kept her last name

[Anonymous]

Been married 22 years. I don't correct people, although there are a few relatives (religious) who know and insist on calling me by my husband's name. Doesn't really bother me since we hardly see them.

[Anonymous]

It used to bother me, but now my husband gets mail to His First Name My Last Name, so it seems even now. It does annoy me when the ILs make a big deal how we're the Their Last Name family and they give us monogrammed dish towels with their last name. And their last name is one of those names where kids get bullied having that as a name, so it's nothing to brag about.

[Anonymous]

In my culture women have to keep their father's name. So no name changing. My daughter's teachers' always called me my my husband's last name. I corrected them a few times, but they would keep doing it, so I gave up it, wasn't that important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I don't correct and be grateful it's only the last name. I get birthday cards addressed to Mrs. David Lastname, like it's 1956.

+1
However, the only people who do this are my 90-year-old relatives.

[Anonymous]

Most people address mail to us as Dr and Mrs Hisname instead of Dr Hisname and Dr Myname. I couldn't care less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please let me know the best way to address mail to the family?

For instance if sending to the family of Jane Smith and John Miller should I write:
The Smith-Miller Family
or
The Miller-Smith Family

I have several friends where wife kept maiden name that we send Christmas cards to and I never know if I am addressing them appropriately. Thanks.
Thanks.

My husband and I both kept our birth names. Our return address for Christmas cards is "The Mylastname & Hislastname Family". Ampersand all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would I write if I only wanted to write something like Smith Family on the card? Do I have to write Jane Doe and Smith Family? Is Smith family rude?

Smith Family IS rude if you know one of them is not named Smith. My DH has a different last name than our son and I do, and I'd be hurt for him if a card just came addressed to the Mylastname Family.

If her name is Jane Doe and his is John Smith and they have kids with either Smith or Doe as the last name, address the card to "The Doe & Smith Family." Simple.

[Anonymous]

I don't correct people because most people assume women take on their husband's last name. It's still a minority of women that maintain their last name so you really can't fault those who call you by your husband's last name. I get called by my husband's last name all the time and simply don't care enough to make a fuss. Only in situations where my legal name is needed will I correct someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you bother correcting family members when they call you by your husband's last name? We are 6 months post-wedding and various cousins and grandparents from DH's family have sent mail only to me (i.e. birthday cards) addressed to "Larla (DH last name)". It drives me insane because I felt very strongly about keeping my name.

FWIW, I have kept my name on Facebook and if people ask I of course tell them. But I haven't made any sort of announcement (because that would be weird), so I guess everyone just assumes I forgot to change it on Facebook.

I kept my name-- I did it for me and to preserve a family name a bit longer where I am the last in my line. I didn't do it because I want to be perceived in a certain way-- I think my actions and the type of person are more integral to my identity at this point.

I think it's okay for people to assume that I changed my name-- most women in the US do. I correct this assumption (in my case) if it's a face to face interaction, someone I'm likely to run into again, and without making things awkward. If I get a Christmas card with my husband's last name, it's fine. Let one family member know that you didn't change your name-- the word will get out.

[Anonymous]

NP. I kept my name, and I've been married 8 years. Some people know this, and address our mail correctly, others don't. When we first got married, it was really important to me, but now its SUCH a non issue. I respond to both names, and I could care less. Once you have kids, this will hardly matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I kept my name, and I've been married 8 years. Some people know this, and address our mail correctly, others don't. When we first got married, it was really important to me, but now its SUCH a non issue. I respond to both names, and I could care less. Once you have kids, this will hardly matter.

So...you do care, because you COULD care less.

Do you mean you "couldn't care less"?

[Anonymous]

I kept my name. I don't generally correct random people, because it doesn't really matter. If it's a situation where I'm going to be interacting with someone repeatedly, I will. In cases where my primary relationship with the person is through my kid (daycare, school, the doctor's office) I get called Ms. Kidlastname and usually don't bother to correct it.

My friends know my last name, and use it. I've had a few people ask what my last name is, and others just figure it out based on my email address, return address labels, etc. It's not a huge deal, but like most people, I would prefer that people call me by my name.

[Anonymous]

It really only matters for legal purposes. I think you'll find you care A LOT less once you get a little further out from your wedding. The wedding industry makes some things seem like a bigger deal than they are in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you bother correcting family members when they call you by your husband's last name? We are 6 months post-wedding and various cousins and grandparents from DH's family have sent mail only to me (i.e. birthday cards) addressed to "Larla (DH last nam[b]e)". It drives me insane because I felt very strongly about keeping my name.

FWIW, I have kept my name on Facebook and if people ask I of course tell them. But I haven't made any sort of announcement (because that would be weird), so I guess everyone just assumes I forgot to change it on Facebook.

I do this. Partially b/c I'm too lazy to look up your full name. Partially b/c its slightly irritating that you expect me to remember a separate or multiple last names for a family/ married couple. And partially b/c I know it bothers certain ppl like OP who are bent out of shape about these type of things. I guess you can say I'm something of a mail address troll. Color me green and red.

Do you bother learning their first names?

[Anonymous]

I've been married 20 years, I kept my name and it's no big deal.