When people say they are not SAHM material

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "SAHM material," but neither am I "employed material." I have a low tolerance for responsibility, which is why I'm one and done!

you must be my slacker soulmate!

I love you guys, I'm right there with you though I do work FT even though I aspire to slack. I am just coming off a lay off and I kept sending my kid to FT daycare for the two months between jobs (I had to pay for the slot anyway to keep it, why not use it??) because I couldn't imagine trying to keep my son busy for an extra 40 hours a week. On the days I did have him home (sick, in service days, etc) I felt worn rather think. More power to you, SAHMs, it's not for me.

[Anonymous]

When I say that, what I mean is that I know my limits. I don't believe I would be a good SAHM. I don't have the patience to deal with my toddler all day, every day for extended periods, I just don't. I would end up snapping and yelling at him and then feeling horribly guilty. I feel like I am a MUCH better mother when I am with him, because of the time I spend away from him (8am-6pm, Monday to Friday).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means he can't stand not to have an important job to go to every day and think big, important thoughts that will save the world Because don't you ever forget, he is WAY smarter and more important than you. You're barely in his range of sight from up there on his high horse.

fixed that for you

So clever.

I have this lovely SAH neighbor and her husband has no idea how to talk to me. At a birthday party I happen to hear his say something derogatory about women, he caught my eye and just stopped his sentence mid-stream. It was funny but made me sad for her. She is wonderful but her husband doesn't respect her or think she has braincells.

My point was more to draw attention to how ridiculous it would sound to mock a man for going to work, even though (in 2015!) people still feel free to demean women's careers. The sentences above, in their original form (referring to women) were written to shame mothers for working outside the home -- its just blatant sexism hiding under the sheep's clothing of concern for the well-being of children.

Oh. I didn't quite get it. We were both, however, referencing institutional misogyny. And it sucks.

yes, two different grapes from the same bunch

[Anonymous]

What's the deal with all these moms pretend playing with their kids all day? Isn't that what siblings , or friends are for? I never play barbie with my daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the deal with all these moms pretend playing with their kids all day? Isn't that what siblings , or friends are for? I never play barbie with my daughters.

This. If you're struggling as a SAHM because you don't want to entertain your kid all day: get busy! Set up playdates or join a playgroup! Sign up for "mommy and me" classes. Take the kid to the park or a museum. There's lots of free stuff to do in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do they really mean by that?

It always makes me scratch my head because don't you parent your kids on the weekends? It's like that but every day. And they go to school for a good chunk of it (including the preschool years)...

To me it means I'm not of the rich husband/family money material. We need two incomes to support our family, ergo neither of us is stay at home material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do they really mean by that?

It always makes me scratch my head because don't you parent your kids on the weekends? It's like that but every day. And they go to school for a good chunk of it (including the preschool years)...

To me it means I'm not of the rich husband/family money material. We need two incomes to support our family, ergo neither of us is stay at home material.

+1. I wish I could be a SAHM, but we can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the deal with all these moms pretend playing with their kids all day? Isn't that what siblings , or friends are for? I never play barbie with my daughters.

You don't have to play with your kids, but don't shame me for playing with mine. Some moms bond with movie night, some with family game night, some by talking about everyone's day during the ride home from daycare. We do what works. Some families don't have playdates during the day or don't have siblings, or the siblings fight all the time or have different interests. If a mom wants to get down on floor and do a little pretend play in order to bond with her child who enjoys it (and whether the mom inwardly enjoys it or not), more power to her.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I say that, what I mean is that I know my limits. I don't believe I would be a good SAHM. I don't have the patience to deal with my toddler all day, every day for extended periods, I just don't. I would end up snapping and yelling at him and then feeling horribly guilty. I feel like I am a MUCH better mother when I am with him, because of the time I spend away from him (8am-6pm, Monday to Friday).

This is really sad.
Instead of running away from him, why don't you learn how to interact with him? And I mean that sincerely. You are missing out on so much. I'm sure you would get as much out of the effort as he would.

[Anonymous]

Because I did it for three years and am a much, MUCH happier person now that I work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite.

I work 7-3:30. I am home by 4.

My kids napped 10-11 and 1-3 or they were at preschool from 9-1.

I saw my kids from 4-9 every night and the weekends. When they were little (<3yo) I worked 30 hours a week so I even saw them more. I only worked out of the home 3 times a week.

I never said I was not SAH material, but I probably said I did not see the point of not working... many hours they were asleep or are at preschool. So there were about 4-5 awake hours they did not see me, so I guess I just did not see the point of quitting my job.

Also, I hate to clean, so I appreciate having a cleaning person. I also appreciate the fact that they had a nanny, she was part of our family and I believe contributed to their well being in a positive way. Also, since I worked so little my nanny (later aupair) would work on Saturday every other weekend and my H and I would go out to dinner, run errands, go have a drink, go for a hike/bike ride. It just seemed to make more sense for our family "health" financially/emotionally/etc.

All the SAHMs I know still have cleaning services, nannies, yard service, etc. They're not mutually exclusive.

Ah, so all the SAHMs you know are rich. What's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

Different people find different things interesting. I don't find it interesting to watch a kid having wonder and joy all day. Clearly you think I should, but I don't. It's best they spend the bulk of the day with someone who will appreciate that, so they have a great nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

Surely you realize that there are lots of things in the world that other people find fascinating that would bore you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people say they would be bored by spending time with their own children.

Think about it for longer than it takes to hit "reply" and send some scathing comment back.

They are developing and learning and growing at a rapid fire pace, they are full of wonder and joy, they are not bitter or jaded, and they are your offspring. They are little miracles, each and every one.

But post after post claims they find all that boring.

Different people find different things interesting. I don't find it interesting to watch a kid having wonder and joy all day. Clearly you think I should, but I don't. It's best they spend the bulk of the day with someone who will appreciate that, so they have a great nanny.

Not "a kid." Your child.