Need to Vent Family Critical Of Reproductive Choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

There's a name for people who believe 'most people' are jealous of them or something they have-- Trump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Why is it so hard to believe that people have and come from families with 4+ kids spaced close together, and the kids don't hate each other?

I'm one of 4 my DH is one of for we are 31 and 32 years old. Our parents aren't crack heads, and it wasn't Lord of the Flies growing up. We only have 1 right now and she's an angel, but we may go for 1 or 2 more and probably fairly close together given my age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

There's a name for people who believe 'most people' are jealous of them or something they have-- Trump.

Bored woman hating, possibly childless, probably the MRA nutcase that trolls the relationship boards. Got it. Good night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Why is it so hard to believe that people have and come from families with 4+ kids spaced close together, and the kids don't hate each other?

I'm one of 4 my DH is one of for we are 31 and 32 years old. Our parents aren't crack heads, and it wasn't Lord of the Flies growing up. We only have 1 right now and she's an angel, but we may go for 1 or 2 more and probably fairly close together given my age.

PP, it's not about hate. Wait till it's inheritance time. It'll be fun, I promise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not relying on them for formal child care, but do you expect everyone to help you during vacations and family gatherings? My sister is like this with her three. I of course spend time with my nieces and nephew, but I've got my own child to watch and like to relax a bit when I can.

You may seem more overwhelmed than you realize.

My SIL w 4 is just like this.

This. OP, you might be the exception. But the moms I know with lots of kids say they love having a big family, and claim self sufficiency, just like you. But being around them and their young brood is exhausting. The parents don't watch their kids all the time, they don't correct bad behavior, and they seem overwhelmed. We have a pool, and one friend with 5 kids would bring them over (invited), but allow the 3 year old to run around the pool unsupervised, saying "she's fine, Sophie is out there with her." Sophie, the 8 year old...expected to supervise the 3 year old in a pool. Or she'd expect the 14 year old to police the younger kids' behavior. Didn't work. All of which is just exhausting for the rest of us.

This is one example, you may be the exception. But surely you can see how it's shocking when you tell someone what you plan to take on. At the very best, It's not so different fom somebody saying "I'm going back to school," when they work full time, have 2 young kids, and are also remodeling a house. You would have a ferry hard time saying "congrats " with no other comment.

First off, congrats, OP! And that is all people should say to you.

But I find it interesting you won't address this specific dynamic described above. When you actually see your family in person, do you expect "the village" to look after your kids? Do you just assume an adult will keep an eye on them while you relax, because you "deserve" some me time? Do you think it's grandma's duty to watch them while you sleep in, or do you ask for that help and say thank you?

If you rely on "the village" to help take care of your kids, they are going to have opinions as to whether you can handle more, and when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people will never be happy with anything you do, OP. I'm pregnant with #1 and my MIL told me over Thanksgiving that she expected a pregnancy announcement next year because she thought we'd wait 2 years after getting married before we started trying. This coming from the same woman who told the entire extended family at Christmas last year that she wanted her Christmas gift to be a grandchild. Whatever. People who spend time sitting around thinking about your reproductive choices have nothing better to do. Brush it off and enjoy your family.

You are being too sensitive. I expect OP with the 4 under 4 has relatives wondering if she is going to reproduce at the same or a similar rate. A mini-Duggar. I know a woman who had 6 single births in less than 15 years-body wore out- then adopted 4 more while beginning the grandma phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:0P, I have no idea why people are being so critical of you and defending inappropriate behavior your family. You obviously love your kids and are doing fine so if you want more, go for it and more power to you! People can be assholes and have a hard time understanding any choice other than their own. Just enjoy your little ones and know your family is not capable of that type of support. I hope you can find it elsewhere!

+1 I have a couple friends with 4 kids and regardless of spacing they get crap from people about having so many kids, from the moment they announce the pg. And, no, their kids aren't out of control and they can definitely afford it.

[Anonymous]

We have neighbors with 4 who seem to expect any adult in eye-earshot to watch their kids. Even if kids are well-behaved, this assumption is annoying. There's a reason I only have 2 kids. I'll watch mine, you watch yours, and if you need help, ASK--and be grateful for the favor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

There is also some medical evidence that 4 kids that close together is not healthy. The risk of premature labor is increased with less time between pregnancies. (not sure if you are currently pregnant)

They may also be concerned about your finances. You do not rely on them for child care but is there open talk of finances being tight?

Agree on the medical side. Not good for the kids either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Nope.

Have been told many, many times how jealous people are of our closeness.

Things like "You are so lucky! My sister and I never talk" or "When we were kids I used to pretend I was part of your family and that I had lots of sisters and brothers"

Happens all the time.

Especially got this type of response when one of our parents was going through a major health crisis. Folks, especially those from small families were all commenting on how we worked together and shared the load with and for each other and our parent.

My husband comes from a family of two kids. He has nothing against his sibling, they get along and like each other well enough. Most years, they talk to one another mayne 2-3x per year. They are cordial, polite and kind to one another, but they are distant. I talk to at least one of my siblings daily. We have a close, active relationship. People like my husband who can't have that closeness with one sibling are often jealous that we have it with six siblings scattered around the country.

I am sorry your heart is so closed and your mind is so small that you can only wrap your brain around understanding what is exactly what you would pick for your life. There are wonderful things about all sorts of families, including the big ones (and four kids is not all that big...it falls into the medium category)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Why is it so hard to believe that people have and come from families with 4+ kids spaced close together, and the kids don't hate each other?

I'm one of 4 my DH is one of for we are 31 and 32 years old. Our parents aren't crack heads, and it wasn't Lord of the Flies growing up. We only have 1 right now and she's an angel, but we may go for 1 or 2 more and probably fairly close together given my age.

PP, it's not about hate. Wait till it's inheritance time. It'll be fun, I promise

Nah.

People who grow up learning to share and look out for one another tend not to get so worked up about those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 under 5 is shocking

I'm not asking you or anyone else to take care of them am I?

My kids are 4, 2, and 6 months old, and I'm pregnant hardly revolutionary.

Here's a revolutionary thought: stop overcrowding an overpopulated planet.

Oh STFU, you have NO IDEA what you're talking about. Birth rates are at an all time low. If you want someone to practice birth control, head to China and India and start preaching there. I have zero kids, so OP and I average each other out. People need to have 3-4-5 kids to cancel out the people like me who couldn't have any and to cancel out the idiots like you who wrongly think you and you're choices are superior to everyone else. Different does not equal better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not relying on them for formal child care, but do you expect everyone to help you during vacations and family gatherings? My sister is like this with her three. I of course spend time with my nieces and nephew, but I've got my own child to watch and like to relax a bit when I can.

You may seem more overwhelmed than you realize.

My SIL w 4 is just like this.

This. OP, you might be the exception. But the moms I know with lots of kids say they love having a big family, and claim self sufficiency, just like you. But being around them and their young brood is exhausting. The parents don't watch their kids all the time, they don't correct bad behavior, and they seem overwhelmed. We have a pool, and one friend with 5 kids would bring them over (invited), but allow the 3 year old to run around the pool unsupervised, saying "she's fine, Sophie is out there with her." Sophie, the 8 year old...expected to supervise the 3 year old in a pool. Or she'd expect the 14 year old to police the younger kids' behavior. Didn't work. All of which is just exhausting for the rest of us.

This is one example, you may be the exception. But surely you can see how it's shocking when you tell someone what you plan to take on. At the very best, It's not so different fom somebody saying "I'm going back to school," when they work full time, have 2 young kids, and are also remodeling a house. You would have a ferry hard time saying "congrats " with no other comment.

First off, congrats, OP! And that is all people should say to you.

But I find it interesting you won't address this specific dynamic described above. When you actually see your family in person, do you expect "the village" to look after your kids? Do you just assume an adult will keep an eye on them while you relax, because you "deserve" some me time? Do you think it's grandma's duty to watch them while you sleep in, or do you ask for that help and say thank you?

If you rely on "the village" to help take care of your kids, they are going to have opinions as to whether you can handle more, and when.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op ~ this is your burden to bare. Yours and DH only. Don't complain, other people are worried about you. That many kids so close together is not the norm. People - who love you - worry about you when you are doing something SO outside the norm. It is what it is. Sure you can go forth and do whatever - but it is selfish YOU to expect the usual joyous response from people when you are not doing what is usual. And no one owes you favors/help/special consideration. You may be announcing your circumstance as if you deserve applause. You do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my family could just be happy for me and DH.
Yes we know 4 kids under 5 is a lot, expensive, how they are made etc.
Why can't you just smile and say congrats.

Are your family liberals?