Need to Vent Family Critical Of Reproductive Choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH and I are not sick.
No DH and I our not unemployed.
None of our kids are sick
We are not having financial issues and our house is not falling apart.
My doctor was more than okay with me being pregnant.
My family simply can't be happy because in their view more than 2 kids space anything less than 3 to 5 years apart is insanity, it seems like most of the PPs share the same views.
Word of advice to those PPs if your family member tells you they are pregnant and they are happy about it Congratulate them and shut the hell up!

Time to vote Republican, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not relying on them for formal child care, but do you expect everyone to help you during vacations and family gatherings? My sister is like this with her three. I of course spend time with my nieces and nephew, but I've got my own child to watch and like to relax a bit when I can.

You may seem more overwhelmed than you realize.

My SIL w 4 is just like this.

This. OP, you might be the exception. But the moms I know with lots of kids say they love having a big family, and claim self sufficiency, just like you. But being around them and their young brood is exhausting. The parents don't watch their kids all the time, they don't correct bad behavior, and they seem overwhelmed. We have a pool, and one friend with 5 kids would bring them over (invited), but allow the 3 year old to run around the pool unsupervised, saying "she's fine, Sophie is out there with her." Sophie, the 8 year old...expected to supervise the 3 year old in a pool. Or she'd expect the 14 year old to police the younger kids' behavior. Didn't work. All of which is just exhausting for the rest of us.

This is one example, you may be the exception. But surely you can see how it's shocking when you tell someone what you plan to take on. At the very best, It's not so different fom somebody saying "I'm going back to school," when they work full time, have 2 young kids, and are also remodeling a house. You would have a ferry hard time saying "congrats " with no other comment.

First off, congrats, OP! And that is all people should say to you.

But I find it interesting you won't address this specific dynamic described above. When you actually see your family in person, do you expect "the village" to look after your kids? Do you just assume an adult will keep an eye on them while you relax, because you "deserve" some me time? Do you think it's grandma's duty to watch them while you sleep in, or do you ask for that help and say thank you?

If you rely on "the village" to help take care of your kids, they are going to have opinions as to whether you can handle more, and when.

+1

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No DH and I are not sick.
No DH and I our not unemployed.
None of our kids are sick
We are not having financial issues and our house is not falling apart.
My doctor was more than okay with me being pregnant.
My family simply can't be happy because in their view more than 2 kids space anything less than 3 to 5 years apart is insanity, it seems like most of the PPs share the same views.
Word of advice to those PPs if your family member tells you they are pregnant and they are happy about it Congratulate them and shut the hell up!

Time to vote Republican, isn't it?

Liberal with four kids here. Shut your pie hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Seriously, Two of my best friends came from large families 7 and 9. They are the closest most loving families I know. I have always been envious of their close and emotionally healthy relationships--and now the beauty of their extended families.

[Anonymous]

New poster. Only read the first page. 4 kids under 5 is not fair towards the kids. Parents can choose, while kids can't. They are all small, they want to be babies for a while, not to have to share their parents with 3 more babies.

[Anonymous]

You know what? All kinds of families can be happy. Families with kids spaced very close together can be happy. Families with twins and multiples can be happy. Families with one child can be happy. Families with more than one child, widely spaced, can be happy. Families with no children can be happy. One person can be happy by herself with no family.

I have one child and he is very happy. My father was one of 14 children, closely spaced, and he had a very happy childhood. He had extraordinarily close and loving relationships with his siblings that I envied greatly, having grown up with two brothers who weren't close with me at all.

People need to stop making absolute pronouncements about what will make babies happy. Babies are adaptable. Lots of situations can be happy and healthy for them. Similarly, there are singletons or widely spaced kids who have miserable childhoods whose parents are neglectful, self-absorbed, punitive, or whatever. I have only one child. It's no one's business to comment or criticize that any more than someone with 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No DH and I are not sick.
No DH and I our not unemployed.
None of our kids are sick
We are not having financial issues and our house is not falling apart.
My doctor was more than okay with me being pregnant.
My family simply can't be happy because in their view more than 2 kids space anything less than 3 to 5 years apart is insanity, it seems like most of the PPs share the same views.
Word of advice to those PPs if your family member tells you they are pregnant and they are happy about it Congratulate them and shut the hell up!

Time to vote Republican, isn't it?

Liberal with four kids here. Shut your pie hole.

Do you talk about climate change? A lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains a whole lot of nastiness and judgment.
I know it's DCUM , but I'm shocked.

I am one of six.

Five of us were spaced between 18 months and 2 years apart.

We are exceptionally close and most people who know our family are exceptionally jealous of the relationships we have together, particularly the people who are only children or one of two siblings.

The women on this thread bring shrewishness to a new level.

You're so full of it LOL

Why is it so hard to believe that people have and come from families with 4+ kids spaced close together, and the kids don't hate each other?

I'm one of 4 my DH is one of for we are 31 and 32 years old. Our parents aren't crack heads, and it wasn't Lord of the Flies growing up. We only have 1 right now and she's an angel, but we may go for 1 or 2 more and probably fairly close together given my age.

PP, it's not about hate. Wait till it's inheritance time. It'll be fun, I promise

Nah.

People who grow up learning to share and look out for one another tend not to get so worked up about those things.

Not my experience with related families of five and seven.

[Anonymous]

I'm from a huge family of kids and of course we all love each other and we have a ton of fun together. I've also NEVER heard of a family with a bunch of kids that didn't have some serious black sheep. It's selfish to have that many kids, period. It's fun having a shiny new baby and cute kids to show off. It is IMPOSSIBLE to raise that many children the way the same parent would raise, say two children. If you think otherwise, you are deluding yourself. I also can only think of one family with 4 kids that I know that was in the position financially to have them, so chances are your friends are thinking "WTF"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my family could just be happy for me and DH.
Yes we know 4 kids under 5 is a lot, expensive, how they are made etc.
Why can't you just smile and say congrats.

I would be supportive of you OP. If you have the ability to provide for your kids and you are happy then I am VERY happy for you. I think it's great having kids close in age and as many as you can take care of.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because they've had kids and they know how much work it is. It's easy when they are babies, but it's more work and money when they are in middle school on. And then think about college? Goodness, I can't imagine paying for 4 kids in college at the same time...

[Anonymous]

Do your religious beliefs have anything to do with the number of kids you are having, and the speed with which you are having them? Are those beliefs different from your family's beliefs? That could be part of their "concern" as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my family could just be happy for me and DH.
Yes we know 4 kids under 5 is a lot, expensive, how they are made etc.
Why can't you just smile and say congrats.

OP, I am happy for you! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

DCUM has many women that put off child-bearing until they could not have more than 1 or 2 (often having to use another woman's eggs). It is also a group that expects that parents completely pay for college, provide expensive vacations, etc. for kids. So they're unlikely to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

If I knew you I would wish you well in public and voice some concern in private, because of my own experiences with how hard it was to have just a couple of babies and toddlers at once. But of course it's your life. I would just fear for your health and sanity because I know mine suffered with fewer kids!

[Anonymous]

Must be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway at this point....