Need to Vent Family Critical Of Reproductive Choices.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are right? You don't have to pop out babies like a rabbit...

[Anonymous]

I am critical of someone having more children in two situations: they can't afford more children or they can't control the children they already have. When people acted surprised that you're having another, maybe it's because you fall into one of these categories.

[Anonymous]

Just smile and say, "we'll be fine." Repeat.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you're not relying on them for formal child care, but do you expect everyone to help you during vacations and family gatherings? My sister is like this with her three. I of course spend time with my nieces and nephew, but I've got my own child to watch and like to relax a bit when I can.

You may seem more overwhelmed than you realize.

[Anonymous]

0P, I have no idea why people are being so critical of you and defending inappropriate behavior your family. You obviously love your kids and are doing fine so if you want more, go for it and more power to you! People can be assholes and have a hard time understanding any choice other than their own. Just enjoy your little ones and know your family is not capable of that type of support. I hope you can find it elsewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH and I are not sick.
No DH and I our not unemployed.
None of our kids are sick
We are not having financial issues and our house is not falling apart.
My doctor was more than okay with me being pregnant.
My family simply can't be happy because in their view more than 2 kids space anything less than 3 to 5 years apart is insanity, it seems like most of the PPs share the same views.
Word of advice to those PPs if your family member tells you they are pregnant and they are happy about it Congratulate them and shut the hell up!

Did you ask your Dr before you were pregnant? OR was it discussed after?
Research shows that even women who sailed smoothly through their first pregnancy had more complications -- such as premature birth and newborn death -- when they got pregnant again in a short time

My SIL planned her children to be close - loved the idea of "Irish twins" growing up close. Her 2nd was born at 30 weeks and has significant developmental delays... and her oldest was diagnosed with Autism after her 2nd was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you're not relying on them for formal child care, but do you expect everyone to help you during vacations and family gatherings? My sister is like this with her three. I of course spend time with my nieces and nephew, but I've got my own child to watch and like to relax a bit when I can.

You may seem more overwhelmed than you realize.

My SIL w 4 is just like this.

[Anonymous]

Some people will never be happy with anything you do, OP. I'm pregnant with #1 and my MIL told me over Thanksgiving that she expected a pregnancy announcement next year because she thought we'd wait 2 years after getting married before we started trying. This coming from the same woman who told the entire extended family at Christmas last year that she wanted her Christmas gift to be a grandchild. Whatever. People who spend time sitting around thinking about your reproductive choices have nothing better to do. Brush it off and enjoy your family.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is a new trend to criticize women who have a lot of kids and it is wrong. I envy you and would have wanted a lot of kids.
To some degree, there might be some jealousy. To me, women who make an educated decision to have a large family project confidence.
Enjoy your kids, I hope you have as many as you want.

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, they are wrong to do anything but congratulate.

But if you really want to know why they are reacting this way, some of the reasons in this thread are pretty realistic, even though they may not apply to your scenario.

How are you when you vacation/see them? Are you and DH self sufficient, of do you expect lots of help as asked above? They may not think you have a handle on 3 if that is the dynamic when they spend time with you.

Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

Personally I think it's insane but to each their own. I would just gossip with my sister though and not tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is a new trend to criticize women who have a lot of kids and it is wrong. I envy you and would have wanted a lot of kids.
To some degree, there might be some jealousy. To me, women who make an educated decision to have a large family project confidence.
Enjoy your kids, I hope you have as many as you want.

4 children in 5 years means no child in that family is getting much attention, or the chance to actually be a baby. They are immediately shoved aside for the next one.

Yeah, yeah, they'll have each other. And maybe they will like each other or maybe they'll be a lot of jealousy issues.

But it's not ideal from any standpoint to have that many children that close together.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what their problem is. I think they should just be happy for you and congratulate you. This is cultural too. If you were where my family is from no one would criticize you or see it as a bad thing. Never. You'd have a place of honor in the family.

[Anonymous]

OP - i'm sure they are happy for you, but it's your family. If they can;t be honest with you, who can be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't have any reason to worry though.
DH and I are in good health, we don't rely on them for child care. It;s simply that they think 4 kids close together is too much

Isn't it?