In-laws had no reaction to first grandchild news??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should add too, which made it worse, their neighbor just got a puppy and they lost their minds over it when we first got there. Like took pictures and gushed and laughed and said how cute it was. So I know they are capable of some sort of a reaction! And it's been a week almost, they still haven't called or said anything. MIL texted on Halloween and asked if we had a lot of trick or treaters. ??

Holy crap. I am so sorry to hear, OP. This is my MIL. I know my MIL is depressed, and not capable of being happy for DH or our family - which is SUPER effed up, since DH has done a ton for his birth family. Anything SIL or her children do is the best, thing, ever. Inexplicably so. All I can say is don't expect them to get excited over anything. I'm sure there is a diagnosis for this, and if I were a professional therapist (if only) I would have a diagnosis both for your IL's and my IL's, alike. I fondly refer to it as assholery. Do your best to ignore it.

You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. I found out (10 years later) she has never liked my husband. I guess that was the point she found out she was stuck with him.

My MIL doesn't like me, either. Nor do I like her, no love lost. But really, to be that way toward an innocent child speaks FAR more about your IL's than anyone else, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL asked If DH had talked with his therapist about getting engaged when he told her we were getting married. When we told her we were expecting a son (after we married), she cried. Not happy tears.

So, she sucks. She does love our son, though. Just not me. Can't change it, so just live with it and turn it into funny stories you share with friends over wine.

+10000

[Anonymous]

OP, I am left wondering if your ILs were abusive toward your DH? PP here. I ask because that was my DH's situation - no one in his family can be happy for him. There is a ton of crap that comes with that, unfortunately.

Therapy has taught my DH that his family is actually jealous of him, sadly. Anything you or your children do will probably be looked at the same way. Therefor, the ILs have made themselves a non-issue in our lives, by the way they act toward us. Something to think about.

You can be pleasant, but you don't have to like them. Just be an adult, be a better person than your ILs are. It won't be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op didn't post the grammer police comment, but thanks for showing your the same negative poster who has been going for blood throughout this entire post. If you didn't have a similar experience, or advice, why even comment? Find another post you're more able to relate to and move along.

+1

Thank you, well said.

[Anonymous]

I would NOT start trying to get your husband to talk to his sister and/or their parents about this. You are going to look like a crazy person trying to micromanage their behavior and blowing this up into a huge family fight. PPs have given you plenty of reasons that their reaction might be muted, and there is still plenty of time for them to get on board, if not the pregnancy than with the baby. I agree with the idea that they might be worried about miscarriage or maybe even are old school and don't want to talk about pregnancy at all.

It's much better to file this away and wait and see what kind of grandparents they turn out to be than to spend a ton of energy feeling sad and victimized.

Good luck with the baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op didn't post the grammer police comment, but thanks for showing your the same negative poster who has been going for blood throughout this entire post. If you didn't have a similar experience, or advice, why even comment? Find another post you're more able to relate to and move along.

+1

Thank you, well said.

PP isn't the only one. Don't know how you could interpret the post that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. I found out (10 years later) she has never liked my husband. I guess that was the point she found out she was stuck with him.

My MIL doesn't like me, either. Nor do I like her, no love lost. But really, to be that way toward an innocent child speaks FAR more about your IL's than anyone else, OP.

What! When did OP have the baby?! I thought the post was about a pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

Maybe they just don't like kids. Not all people are ga-ga over becoming grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Curious if the in laws have any expectations of financial help or caregiver assistance. I have known more than one set of friends who got similar parental reactions, and it boiled down to anger over not being able to count on the adult children for money and/or caregiving help with a baby in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they just don't like kids. Not all people are ga-ga over becoming grandparents.

+100. And so what if they gushed over the dog? They'll probably see the dog more than they'll see your kid anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, come back if you find out why they reacted that way.

When I called to tell my mom I was pregnant, she didn't say much, but instead went on and on about my cousin. When I called her months later to tell her her first grandchild had been born, she wasn't interested then, either, but could talk of nothing other than that my brother and his wife were expecting a baby. She's a narcissist and I was never much liked by her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back if you find out why they reacted that way.

When I called to tell my mom I was pregnant, she didn't say much, but instead went on and on about my cousin. When I called her months later to tell her her first grandchild had been born, she wasn't interested then, either, but could talk of nothing other than that my brother and his wife were expecting a baby. She's a narcissist and I was never much liked by her.

Narcissists don't much like themselves, thus often look for targets. My MIL does this.

[Anonymous]

OP: Just be glad they didn't react by saying "Who's the father?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. I found out (10 years later) she has never liked my husband. I guess that was the point she found out she was stuck with him.

My MIL doesn't like me, either. Nor do I like her, no love lost. But really, to be that way toward an innocent child speaks FAR more about your IL's than anyone else, OP.

What! When did OP have the baby?! I thought the post was about a pregnancy!

I agree with this. They may very well love the baby when s/he's here. But if there really are upset that the two of you are together, OP, that may be the problem. But only you know the answer to that one. And I'm not saying they are justified in their desires/beliefs.

But if my brother gets his borderline personality disorder girlfriend pregnant, my family will be devastated. She's sick, mentally ill, and I feel extremely sorry for her. I wouldn't wish her pain on anyone. But I'd die if she had a baby. And my brother has given up parenting the kid he already has. I would never congratulate them on being pregnant. I just couldn't.