Is this really happening?

[Anonymous]

My DH is constantly lying. I feel like I have to become a detective in order to have a conversation with him.
He drives in to work instead of taking the train, comes home at usual time so I don't realize. It's not a big deal, except that the kids needed the car, went to the station to pick it up and couldn't find it. When I asked DH, he got very defensive. But why not drop a quick text..hey I took the car in today. Its not like he doesn't text me during the day.
It varies between ludicrous, and major lies, or lies by omission. It is to the point that I am questioning myself. I don't even want to talk to him because he will definitely lie. If I call him on it, he will say "I meant to say," or "You misunderstood me." As soon as that starts I don't want to hear it. It will become an argument if I try to say, but you said this and then you said that..
He will say he doesn't buy coffee, he prepares it before he leaves the house. I respond with "Oh I thought you pick up Starbucks." He says, "Well that's when I get off the train." WTH? Why would you even say that? Don't say anything if you feel the need to lie!
Also, its not like I am nagging or badgering "where are you?" "What are you doing?"
He seems very phony and distant lately and will ask me how my day was and then ask me the same question an hour later. Our conversations are very stilted. I am having trouble even explaining it.

[Anonymous]

Has he always been this way or is this new?

[Anonymous]

Columbo says cheating.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like you married a douche.

He will be like this for the rest of your life, and is never gonna change.

I think divorce is the best option, unless you want to constantly have to play detective.

[Anonymous]

He did this for several months over a year ago, and now has started up again recently.

[Anonymous]

So there's someone new. Trust your gut, please.

[Anonymous]

As someone who had had relationships with many liars, I suggest you leave him.

Integrity and honesty is fundamental in any type of relationship.

If you don't have it, then nothing else matters. Period. Trust is the bones to any good relationship.

I have found myself questioning my own sanity as well as spending wasteful hours when dealing with a habitual liar. I also have felt so alone as well since when someone lies so much, all the security in the relationship flies out the window and you realize you don't even know the person you are residing with.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it can be not to know what is true and what is a lie.
But I have to say, I have seen many friends where the marriage is going through a difficult stage, and through counseling they are able to understand each other's needs, and grow from it. I have also gone through counseling during a difficult time. I know first hand it works.
Yes, you do have the choice to leave, but you also have the brave choice to give it a try, many times people say it takes two to heal a marriage, and yes, it takes two, but it only takes one to start the healing process and hopefully, with good counseling, and some work, you can see this in a near future as a growing step in your relationship.
I know Focus on the Family has a list of marriage counselors in every area in the USA. May be you can contact them and give it a try. I will pray for you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why you need to know all these small details? I hate reporting every move I make to DH and I don't expect it in return?

A divorce people? Seriously? Even married people need room to breathe.

[Anonymous]

Could this be medical/mental? Like an early onset of some debilitating memory disease?

Sounds so bizarre

[Anonymous]

He could be hiding something, or has a character flaw, but are you *sure* that he doesn't find you to be overbearing?

I have a close relative who constantly complains about how certain people in her life are always telling her little lies, or being evasive when she asks them questions. And it's usually nothing serious, but she is constantly baffled by why all of these people are being sneaky and dishonest with her over trivial things.

While I don't condone the lying (if you don't want to discuss something, just say so) I feel that part of the issue is that she is rather overbearing, and tends to pry, and then offer unsolicited advice, or criticism, to people. As a result, people just start telling her whatever they can to avoid getting into it with her, and a vicious circle ensues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Columbo says cheating.

+1! But it's doubly cruel to gaslight you this way. Don't put up with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much for the support and advice.
I have to say that I find my husband so unattractive because of this. I am not asking him questions. He is just saying things in conversation. It is bizarre. Whenever we have a conversation, I cringe.

Here is how the coffee incident went down:
me: Babe, do you want me to get you different coffee pods? (pods have been untouched for weeks)I can get you the Starbucks Dark Roast?
DH: The ones we have are fine. I make it before I leave for work.
Both of us awkwardly stare at the full pod holder.
me: I thought you were picking up Starbucks.
DH: Yeah, well, that's when I get off the train.

I don't have the energy to argue about this nonsense,
so it becomes fact.
s
there are so many lies, I could go on all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for the support and advice.
I have to say that I find my husband so unattractive because of this. I am not asking him questions. He is just saying things in conversation. It is bizarre. Whenever we have a conversation, I cringe.

Here is how the coffee incident went down:
me: Babe, do you want me to get you different coffee pods? (pods have been untouched for weeks)I can get you the Starbucks Dark Roast?
DH: The ones we have are fine. I make it before I leave for work.
Both of us awkwardly stare at the full pod holder.
me: I thought you were picking up Starbucks.
DH: Yeah, well, that's when I get off the train.

I don't have the energy to argue about this nonsense,
so it becomes fact.
s
there are so many lies, I could go on all day.

That is genuinely bizarre. Could you ask him straight up why he lied?