In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well OP it's been fun trying to guess which sport. I'm going to go with horseback riding sailing or bicycling because there's some bicycles snobs out there. It would be a heck to the no for me. Not taking my kids to do something dangerous without including me and being disrespectful at the same time. No just no

But she's been letting this go on for 14 years! To object now is insane. Her in-laws AND her kids will hate her for it.

This isn't how it works. You are clearly not a parent. Screw the in laws, who cares about them. This is about a toxic pattern being carried on, and the identtiy thing pp.mentioned, they want to imprint the children.

Op mentioned they don't have much money anymore, so it sounds like they are clinging g to a framer glory via this sport and it's small group of people.

"FORMER" GLORY

[Anonymous]

OP, despite repeated queries from several people on the thread, you still haven't told us where your husband is on all this. Generally that comes up on most DCUM in-law issues --where does the adult child stand? The one whose spouse is having problems with his or her parents? In this case, does he have your back? Does he take responsibility for dealing with HIS parents, or does he just shrug and say, "I don't see the big deal, let them do this with the kids"--? If he's just not wanting to deal with his wife feeling excluded by his parents for years, that to me is a bigger problem than the in-laws' snobby sport fixation.

And please, don't write that letter, or an e-mail, or anything that will come back to bite you and be hashed over for years to come. Putting things into writing will only give the in-laws something to pull out whenever they want to say, "See? She just doesn't get us" and so on. Just have the kids be too busy to do this sport much. But don't make a thing of it when they do participate, just let it be.

But -- if the grandparents are panting to start involving your kids heavily in this sport, are saying they want to buy the kids lessons or expensive gear, or -- worst of all -- are pressuring the kids to participate or else grandma and grandpa will be so very disappointed in them -- that's all a no-go. That means it's time for you (really, your husband and you) to put your foot down and say your kids will participate when and if THEY are interested, and you won't accept lessons paid for by the grandparents, etc. Just say there's a rule that the kids activities must be ones that your own family can afford and which fit into your whole family's schedule. But it should be your husband, their child, telling them this and not leaving it on your lap, if that's the case.

[Anonymous]

So your husband hates doing X with his parents. I'm guessing that they don't invite you because he doesn't enjoy it. My husband and I get along fine with our in-laws but I don't enjoy spending time alone with them.

If it's a safety thing just tell them your coming with the kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing polo.

[Anonymous]

Fox hunting.

[Anonymous]

If your communications with them are as tortured and opaque as your writing here, I'm guessing they just really don't like spending time with you.

[Anonymous]

Cricket?
Or maybe tennis?
Op, are your in laws american?

[Anonymous]

I'd say no, the kids are busy.
Or that you aren't comfortable with the safety issues involved with the sport.
Or try to teach your kids the way YOU learned, then invite the inlaws along.
Don't ever write anything to them about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your communications with them are as tortured and opaque as your writing here, I'm guessing they just really don't like spending time with you.

I get it. It's a small group of people. It would probably be ***highly apparent **** which couple, with kids who are likely 10, 12, 14, etc based on the fact OP says it's been 14 yrs (hello, you don't start dangerous sports at age 1, especially involving horses, and that is why he or she has been able to ignore it successfully until now) into is part of some larger family dynasty that plays polo or fox hunting or whatever sport it is.

That's probably like 4 or 5 families, (known, old families here) in the dmv.

I would be even more opaque, but then how could you even ask the question.

Gold cup was this weekend. I bet I know you op.

It's all good. Don't give in. Stand your ground. As you well know, so much of it is bs. Don't let your kids be manipulated into it for the sake of others egos. I know exactly what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Exotic game hunting.

[Anonymous]

Dungeons and Dragons

Bikram Yoga

Competitive cycling

Oyster shucking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing polo.

This was my guess too.

[Anonymous]

Rhythmic gymnastics.

Competitive archaeology.

Elite tightrope walking.

But I still think it's exotic game hunting.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? Do they want to spend this time with their grandparents and/or learn the sport? I would start with that . . .

If kids are interested, then I lean towards letting them occasionally participate with grandparents. Yes, it's rude of grandparents not to include you, but you haven't mentioned that they are otherwise disrespectful to you. If, aside from this activity you have a decent relationship, I'd let this go and focus on fostering a good grandparent/grandchild relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jai alai. Am I right, OP?

Whoa, this is a sport?! I used to live in Florida and thought it was some type if gambling center.