Reply to In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, despite repeated queries from several people on the thread, you still haven't told us where your husband is on all this. Generally that comes up on most DCUM in-law issues --where does the adult child stand? The one whose spouse is having problems with his or her parents? In this case, does he have your back? Does he take responsibility for dealing with HIS parents, or does he just shrug and say, "I don't see the big deal, let them do this with the kids"--? If he's just not wanting to deal with his wife feeling excluded by his parents for years, that to me is a bigger problem than the in-laws' snobby sport fixation.

And please, don't write that letter,  or an e-mail, or anything that will come back to bite you and be hashed over for years to come. Putting things into writing will only give the in-laws something to pull out whenever they want to say, "See? She just doesn't get us" and so on. Just have the kids be too busy to do this sport much. But don't make a thing of it when they do participate, just let it be.

But -- if the grandparents are panting to start involving your kids heavily in this sport, are saying they want to buy the kids lessons or expensive gear, or -- worst of all -- are pressuring the kids to participate or else grandma and grandpa will be so very disappointed in them -- that's all a no-go. That means it's time for you (really, your husband and you) to put your foot down and say your kids will participate when and if THEY are interested, and you won't accept lessons paid for by the grandparents, etc. Just say there's a rule that the kids activities must be ones that your own family can afford and which fit into your whole family's schedule. But it should be your husband, their child, telling them this and not leaving it on your lap, if that's the case.

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