New guy is great minus his looks, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

OP, I may have missed it, but I haven't yet seen what I consider to be the crucial variable here: length of time you've been dating.

If you're in the first few dates, and you just had a good time as you mentioned, I'd say keep going!

Have you slept together yet? You might be surprised by the outcome of that.

On the other hand, if you have slept together multiple times and you're still totally "meh," it's probably time to cut it.

[Anonymous]

We met in March, just started dating a couple of weeks ago. We didn't keep in touch, he randomly texted me.

[Anonymous]

I'm of the opinion that attraction and chemistry are noticeable quickly, and don't really change much, but I am male. The women I have "clicked" with are still attractive to me, even after they have aged a bit and would probably not appear all that attractive to a random observer. Everyone has an emotional quality about them that others pick up on and react to.

It might be different for women, who I suspect may be more fluid.

[Anonymous]

If you are not physically/sexually attracted to this guy, do not date him anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of you OP.

Physical attraction is vital to any romantic relationship. It's the deciding factor on how to separate a friend from a lover.

He may grow on you, do you think you can wait for that "a-ha" feeling to occur?? It may or may not.

Only time will let you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not physically/sexually attracted to this guy, do not date him anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of you OP.

Physical attraction is vital to any romantic relationship. It's the deciding factor on how to separate a friend from a lover.

He may grow on you, do you think you can wait for that "a-ha" feeling to occur?? It may or may not.

Only time will let you know.

I am willing to give it time. I kind of rejected originally him for the same reasons, but I really need to keep an open mind. I don't want to be alone forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are not physically/sexually attracted to this guy, do not date him anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of you OP.

Physical attraction is vital to any romantic relationship. It's the deciding factor on how to separate a friend from a lover.

He may grow on you, do you think you can wait for that "a-ha" feeling to occur?? It may or may not.

Only time will let you know.

I am willing to give it time. I kind of rejected originally him for the same reasons, but I really need to keep an open mind. I don't want to be alone forever.

I don't think you can know if you are attracted to him physically until you have sex. He might surprise you in bed! This has happened to me before. Just sleep with him and see how you feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

Then I'm convinced if he weren't at.n attorney you wouldn't consider him marriage material. Seems to me his primary value to you is the idea that he could take care of you and a family, which alone is what makes him marriage material to you. While I suspect you're probably somewhat shallow, I'd encourage you to move on until you find the whole package and let him find someone who views him as the whole package.

I agree with the bolded. I do think attractiveness grows more or less as you get to know a person. Even in totally non-sexual ways. I'm sure I think my best girlfriends are prettier than they probably are, objectively. The two men prior to my current partner who I've had the strongest feelings for in my life took awhile (months in both cases) to grow on me, but they wound up being the two most significant relationships of my life, prior to current partner. That said, after a point, it's either there or it's not. If you've given it time (let's say 3 months of 2+ dates/week) and you still aren't feeling it for them, you aren't going to. But someone else will. So you need to let him go to find that someone else. Everyone deserves someone who thinks they are the total package. And you deserve someone you're crazy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

Then I'm convinced if he weren't at.n attorney you wouldn't consider him marriage material. Seems to me his primary value to you is the idea that he could take care of you and a family, which alone is what makes him marriage material to you. While I suspect you're probably somewhat shallow, I'd encourage you to move on until you find the whole package and let him find someone who views him as the whole package.

I agree with the bolded. I do think attractiveness grows more or less as you get to know a person. Even in totally non-sexual ways. I'm sure I think my best girlfriends are prettier than they probably are, objectively. The two men prior to my current partner who I've had the strongest feelings for in my life took awhile (months in both cases) to grow on me, but they wound up being the two most significant relationships of my life, prior to current partner. That said, after a point, it's either there or it's not. If you've given it time (let's say 3 months of 2+ dates/week) and you still aren't feeling it for them, you aren't going to. But someone else will. So you need to let him go to find that someone else. Everyone deserves someone who thinks they are the total package. And you deserve someone you're crazy about.

I do this, too! Once I get close to a girl friend, I start thinking she is so pretty and a total catch (even if others tell me they don't find her physically very attractive, I just can't see why not).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just his clothing, I don't find him that physically attractive. His physical features, complexion, etc.

Then I'm convinced if he weren't at.n attorney you wouldn't consider him marriage material. Seems to me his primary value to you is the idea that he could take care of you and a family, which alone is what makes him marriage material to you. While I suspect you're probably somewhat shallow, I'd encourage you to move on until you find the whole package and let him find someone who views him as the whole package.

I agree with the bolded. I do think attractiveness grows more or less as you get to know a person. Even in totally non-sexual ways. I'm sure I think my best girlfriends are prettier than they probably are, objectively. The two men prior to my current partner who I've had the strongest feelings for in my life took awhile (months in both cases) to grow on me, but they wound up being the two most significant relationships of my life, prior to current partner. That said, after a point, it's either there or it's not. If you've given it time (let's say 3 months of 2+ dates/week) and you still aren't feeling it for them, you aren't going to. But someone else will. So you need to let him go to find that someone else. Everyone deserves someone who thinks they are the total package. And you deserve someone you're crazy about.

I do this, too! Once I get close to a girl friend, I start thinking she is so pretty and a total catch (even if others tell me they don't find her physically very attractive, I just can't see why not).

Yeah, I have been into women that aren't general viewed as "hot," and sometimes see conventionally "hot" women as not that hot.

Not that I would kick them out of bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am afraid that I won't find anyone else

Go for it. If it doesn't work you'll know soon enough.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't seem very confident in your prospects.

If you really just have no attraction to the guy, and you still don't after a reasonable time, I would still not settle. It is still better to be alone than to be stuck with someone that you aren't attracted to, especially after the novelty wears off and you have the natural conflicts of marriage.

You really need to feel an attraction and emotional connection with someone to get through the stressful times in a marriage.

And I am talking about attraction, not looks. Again. it's possible to be attracted to someone who isn't conventionally good-looking because they just have a emotional chemistry that is compatible with your own.