New guy is great minus his looks, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because he looks good on paper and checks off most of your requirements doesn't mean it is a good fit. You will either need to compromise or move on to someone else (who also may not have all your requirements). Personally I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to, regardless of how much money they made.

This is me all the way; a man can have everything I'm looking for but if his looks are off then the answer is no. I need to be attracted to the face also.

Same with me. I could never date someone I didn't look across the room and think, "Wow, he is sexy." Without that, what is there?

[Anonymous]

Go date attractive people until you get ugly. Then see who is left to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because he looks good on paper and checks off most of your requirements doesn't mean it is a good fit. You will either need to compromise or move on to someone else (who also may not have all your requirements). Personally I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to, regardless of how much money they made.

This is me all the way; a man can have everything I'm looking for but if his looks are off then the answer is no. I need to be attracted to the face also.

Same with me. I could never date someone I didn't look across the room and think, "Wow, he is sexy." Without that, what is there?

Companionship, love, trust, friendship ... all the things that will endure when both of you are old and neither of you are sexy anymore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because he looks good on paper and checks off most of your requirements doesn't mean it is a good fit. You will either need to compromise or move on to someone else (who also may not have all your requirements). Personally I wouldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to, regardless of how much money they made.

This is me all the way; a man can have everything I'm looking for but if his looks are off then the answer is no. I need to be attracted to the face also.

Same with me. I could never date someone I didn't look across the room and think, "Wow, he is sexy." Without that, what is there?

Companionship, love, trust, friendship ... all the things that will endure when both of you are old and neither of you are sexy anymore!

I want the sexiness too! Otherwise it's just a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave this man alone to find someone who will love and appreciate all of him and not come in thinking how they can change him to suit their tastes.

+1! If you're already thinking of leaving, it'll get worse, not better.

[Anonymous]

The problem a lot of women have is sure they want the sexy guy but if to her, he appears so sexy, it means he's out of her league. He will pump and dump her. So when these women are younger, they keep chasing the fantasy, and getting pumped and dumped.

Then they hit 30, 35 or older and the balding chubby attorney pulling down the big paycheck starts looking a lot better. They can always have an affair, right? Or, pop out a couple of kids and divorce his ass and take half + of everything.

[Anonymous]

Don't settle-down with someone who you are not attracted to, period.

This isn't necessarily about being "good looking." I have been attracted to people who are not conventionally good looking, but there was something about them, maybe chemistry, or just a certain "type" that I was into. I'm not sure what it is, but you know it when you experience it. On the other hand, there are people who are conventionally "beautiful," but just don't ring my chimes for whatever reason.

That "something" is the glue that will keep you able to tolerate his little quirks and issues that come up during marriage. Do not settle down with someone unless you are feeling it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't settle-down with someone who you are not attracted to, period.

This isn't necessarily about being "good looking." I have been attracted to people who are not conventionally good looking, but there was something about them, maybe chemistry, or just a certain "type" that I was into. I'm not sure what it is, but you know it when you experience it. On the other hand, there are people who are conventionally "beautiful," but just don't ring my chimes for whatever reason.

That "something" is the glue that will keep you able to tolerate his little quirks and issues that come up during marriage. Do not settle down with someone unless you are feeling it.

This times a hundred. Every word of this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt this way about my husband when we started dating. But after a couple of months I was very attracted to him. After four years of marriage, I think he's extremely handsome. People can grow on you.

+1, it's really true.

OP, do you RESPECT him? I think if you really truly respect him and the decisions he makes, the way he interacts with people, etc. that attraction can definitely grow.
That is the key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine to feel this way when you are just getting to know someone and trying to figure out if you are a good match. In six months if you are still waffly then it's time to move on.

+ a Million. Exactly right.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We went out again. I enjoyed myself as usual. I'll just see where it goes.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you feel you might not meet anyone? Seems like you might not be beauty queen material yourself. Like the vast majority of us.

Can he improve himself? Clothes can be improved, he can work out, etc.

Attorneys are usually much better looking than engineers so I find this a but odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you feel you might not meet anyone? Seems like you might not be beauty queen material yourself. Like the vast majority of us.

Can he improve himself? Clothes can be improved, he can work out, etc.

Attorneys are usually much better looking than engineers so I find this a but odd.

I'm pretty much a homebody due to fatigue from illness, so I don't go out much. Plus I'm shy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you feel you might not meet anyone? Seems like you might not be beauty queen material yourself. Like the vast majority of us.

Can he improve himself? Clothes can be improved, he can work out, etc.

Attorneys are usually much better looking than engineers so I find this a but odd.

I'm pretty much a homebody due to fatigue from illness, so I don't go out much. Plus I'm shy

Different PP here: You said in your initial post that you don't find him attractive. I didn't see the word "Love" in that entire opening paragraph. Free him to love somebody else, please.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry about your illness but due to that and your shyness you are lucky to have someone who you might have a future with. You need to realize that.